The Oscars: Predictions

 

Before I jump into this I should note my Oscar Pool of 1 person (me) is still looking for more people to join, so if you want in let me know!

I just told my friend Ottford that I want to do Oscar predictions with him. Our conversation went exactly like this:

Joshford: I want to do Oscar Predictions with you.

Ottford: The Artist wins every award.

Joshford: Calling it?

Ottford: Even one’s it’s not up for.

I feel that he may be on to something. Every year a film or actor starts to gain momentum at the right time and it seems like that film is currently The Artist… with The Help floating somewhere behind. I think we’re beyond pretending to be surprised that the film that wins best picture isn’t always the best picture, it’s a political/momentum thing.

Quick side story: I had a friend who was at an academy member’s house and it happened to be right around voting time. The member was in the process of doing his voting and essentially half assed his final votes because he was tired, to speed up the process, his votes were eventually based off of people behind the project as opposed to the project itself. When the member finished his ballot he looked to my friend and said “Whenever you’re nominated, don’t forget that’s how it’s done.”

And after that insanely inspiring story its time to jump into the Oscar Predictions:

Best Picture:

The Artist The Descendants Extremely Loud & Incredibly close The Help Hugo Midnight in Paris MoneyBall The Tree of Life War Horse

In a less than inspiring pool of films my pick to win best picture is: THE ARTIST

Truthfully I want Midnight in Paris or Moneyball to win but that isn’t going to happen. Also, if The Help won, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Best Actor:

Demian Bichir (A Better Life) George Clooney (The Descendants) Jean Dujardin (The Artist) Brad Pitt (Moneyball) Gary Oldman (Inker Tailor Soldier Spy)

This is the most interesting category because a month ago this was all Clooney and then the SAG awards happened and now it’s all Dujardin. Wasn’t Pitt somewhere in this conversation?

Winner: Jean Dujardin! What the fuck did I just type! Sorry Clooney, I want it to be you - I think everyone wants it to be you.

Best Actress:

Glenn Close (Albert Nobbs) Viola Davis (The Help) Rooney Mara (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady) Michelle Williams (My Week With Marilyn)

First of all, Glen Close as Albert Nobbs scares me more than her role as Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction. She looks creepy as Nobbs. I haven’t seen the movie but if it’s about a creepy looking old guy who sort of resembles Benjamin Button then she’s spot on. Even though I haven’t seen Close as Nobbs I don’t have to. Everyone and their mothers know Viola Davis is going to win this award. The Help will excel in one area at the Oscars: Women winning something.

Winner: Viola Davis

Supporting Actor:

Kenneth Branagh (My Week With Marilyn) Jonah Hill (Moneyball) Nick Nolte (Warrior) Christopher Plummer (Beginners) Max von Sydow (Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close)

I want Jonah Hill to win this award more than I want to see a sequel to Superbad. How amazing would it be to see Jonah Hill win an Oscar? 21 Jump Street would start changing their promos to: Starring Academy Award winner Jonah Hill. Having said that, he won’t win.

Winner: Christopher Plummer

Supporting Actress:

Berenice Bejo (The Artist) Jessica Chastain (The Help) Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids) Janet McTeer (Albert Nobbs) Octavia Spencer (The Help)

The Help = Women winning things.

Winner: Octavia Spencer

Animated Feature:

A Cat in Paris Chico & Rita Kung Fu Panda 2 Puss in Boots Rango

I love animated movies. I really liked Puss in Boots, I liked it so much that my girlfriend had to do one of those “really babe?” moments when I was laughing so hard. Best part in Boots is dancing/fighting scene when Puss started to salsa and eventually was floating in… wait… getting distracted. Unfortunately, I don’t think Boots is going to win. I’m going with –

Winner: Rango

Cinematography:

The Artist The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Hugo The Tree of Life War Horse

How can you go against a Fincher movie in best Cinematography category?

Winner: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Best Director:

The Artist The Descendants Hugo Midnight in Paris The Tree of Life

You know what’s interesting about this – The categories don’t have the director’s names but rather the film. I wonder why they did that? I think that fact alone allows the unknown Michel Hazanavicius to have a better shot at this. As much as I’d love to see Alexander Payne win this I don’t think it’s going to be him. I think the Academy is going unknown.

Winner: Michel Hazananananavicius

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay):

The Descendents Hugo The Ides of March Moneyball Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

I like this category because all of these movies are solid enough to put up an argument for why it should win. Deep down I want Moneyball to win, and I think it should, but I don’t think it will. I’m going with the Clooney film, and I don’t mean Ides of March.

Winner: The Descendents

Best Writing (Original Screenplay):

The Artist Bridesmaids Margin Call Midnight in Paris A Separation

I would be shocked if The Artist won this award. I would think it’s great if Bridesmaids won but my choice is a choice I never thought I’d say…

Winner: Midnight in Paris

I’m not the biggest Woody Allen fan but I loved Midnight in Paris and want to revisit some of his films, also, I’m to embarrassed to admit I haven’t seen some of his “classics.” I know this isn’t the entire Academy Award field but it’s what I think people care about most. I suppose I could have gotten into best foreign film, best doc, best editing, and best films that are black and white without sound.

I’m starting to wonder if Ottford is right and we’re going to have a sweep of The Artist, I hope we don’t simply because I don’t think it deserves it, but at the same time I wouldn’t be surprised… there are a lot of lazy voters in the world.

If anyone wants into the Oscar pool email me… Top Prize To Be Determined.

The Sandlot - Greatest Baseball Movie Ever.

Moneyball comes out today and it got me thinking about baseball movies, which sent me to a very solid conclusion: The baseball movie is on the decline. I’m trying to recall the last good baseball movie that’s come out in the last ten years, and I’m struggling. Not only am I struggling to figure out which is a good baseball movie, but also, I’m struggling to think of any baseball movie. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Summer Catch
Mr. 3000
Fever Pitch
Bad New Bears

I could literally only remember 4 movies and lets be honest, these movies suck… that’s how memorable the last decade has been of baseball movies (and one could argue sports movies).

What’s happened to the baseball movie? Here’s my theory –

The sport has been on a steady decline for quite some time and people just aren’t interested. It’s tainted. It doesn’t seem like kids are running around with other kids to get a pick up game together and just play. Having said that, I’m childless, living in a city, and in my 20’s, so I wouldn’t exactly know – but I don’t feel like I’m far off. Baseball has been hurt with the steroid stories and players jumping from team to team that our interest in the game isn’t what it used to be.

I also think that due to technology the veil has been lifted in regards to knowing about salary, personal lives, and personal demands. I don’t think kids look up to baseball players like the once did… Am I wrong about this?

Not sure when we will ever get the likes of Major League, The Natural, The Rookie, Rookie of the Year, or even Angels in the Outfield. I heard that Moneyball is pretty good and I suppose it has potential to slip into the list of really cool baseball movies. The title Moneyball basically sums up the sport, and since I haven’t seen it I can’t judge it quite yet.

I need to stop thinking about the depressing money aspect and Segway into the greatest baseball movie of all time, a movie that movies could learn some serious life themes from: THE SANDLOT.

If you’re in your 20’s you’ve seen this movie and we all probably remember it for different reasons. Some remember it because of baseball, some remember it because of the massive dog trying to kill the kids, some remember it because James Earl Jones was in it, and some remember it because it’s just fucking awesome. That’s where I fall.

The Sandlot is about a group of kids that regularly play baseball next to a house that holds the dog known as “The Beast.” It’s set in the mid 50’s and basically has everything you need for a kids / baseball movie. These kids eventually hit all their balls over the fence including one signed by Babe Ruth. Once the Ruth ball is gone the film swings into a “How the hell are we going to get this thing back?”

I’m contemplating how deep I want to dive into this. Part of me wants to just lay out the entire movie but the other part of me wants to try and build up the film so you want to see it (if you haven’t) without giving too much away. I need to be able to find a steady balance. I will map it out like this with a checklist; if you answer yes to any of these then you’ll like this movie –

Do you like baseball?
Do you like Kid movies?
Do you like watching movies of people trying to get out of a tricky situation?
Do you like the feeling of nostalgia?
Do you like seeing Dennis Leary in a role you wouldn’t imagine?

Yes to any… then you’ll like The Sandlot.

The movie carries a heartbeat that would hold up in any film, and has a story, which is key to any film. Unlike Major League or A League of Their Own (Awesome movies) this film manages to operate with kids and on a G / PG level. Do not take for granted how difficult that is to do.

Adventure + baseball = The Sandlot.

If you get out to see Moneyball this weekend, and like it, enjoy that feeling because it’s not going to be around for another 15 years. And if you want to amplify that feeling and encompass youthfulness once more than I suggest The Sandlot – The greatest baseball movie of all time.

Side note: Come on, look at this poster below. Who doesn’t want to see this?

A movie train-of-thought: Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes.

It’s 11:30pm and I just watched Jonah Hill’s new trailer “The Sitter.”

Wow, they really put a twist on Adventures in Babysitting. This trailer seemed like Seth from Superbad was grown up and now babysitting kids, but the marketing team behind that movie knows as well as I do that I’ll see it. Oh wow David Gordon Green directed it? Hmmm, I saw Your Highness and it was terrible, interesting because any stoner role is built for James Franco, well, that and any James Dean role.

I think about what I would have done differently with Your Highness for about 8 minutes. Then-

Oh! James Franco. Hmm let me check out his IMDB page-

Checking…

Ah yes, Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes.

I just told my girlfriend that I wanted to see this and she was a bit skeptical. We read the reviews of the film and it’s currently around 80 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Wow, not so skeptical anymore. I go to arclight cinemas and purchase tickets that are 15 dollars each.

Holy shit! I really just paid 15 dollars for a movie ticket.

Not sure why this surprises me considering I’ve been going to the arclight for years now, I do anything I can to justify the ticket price.

Well I did just get arclight points, which means I’ll probably get free popcorn or something…right? Fuck it, the arclight is awesome. Lets not forget I’m seeing this movie in the Dome, what really compares to the Dome? Nothing. This is a capper to this summer, even though I thought Cowboys and Aliens was the capper, but this may be it… oh and 30 Minutes Or Less which is coming out next week, which may be the capper.

CLICK. I’m back on IMDB looking at random things about the Apes – The director, writer, and producer…

God, I hope these monkeys look real; you can be out of it in 2 minutes if the monkeys are on par to Ed starring Matt LeBlanc.

I laugh to myself.

Ed, that crazy movie about the baseball player monkey, what a interesting costume that monkey had, was there a midget inside that monkey costume? Who comes up with this?

For my own pleasure I was sure Ed had to be based off a comic book, because who would greenlight that movie? I typed in Ed and see that it isn’t based off of anything. I have to think that there was a moment in time when a conversation with Matt LeBlanc and Matt LeBlanc’s agent went a little something like this:

Matt: I want to get involved in movies, Friends is on of the biggest hits on NBC right now. Schwimmer is doing The Pallbearer with Gwyneth Paltrow, Perry is doing Fools Rush In with Selma Hayek… I want in.

Agent: You read my mind! But listen, they’re doing RomCom’s with leading ladies, what if I told you, fuck the leading lady, all I want to see is a leading man.

Matt: But, I’m not really a star, don’t I need a leading lady?

Agent: Monkeys.

Matt: Excuse me?

Agent: A fucking monkey. That’s your leading lady.

Matt: I like where this is going.

Agent: The same writer as Radio Flyer and The Sandlot just wrote a comedy about a baseball player named Jack ‘Deuce’ Cooper who gets stuck with a monkey and it’s actually a good pitcher, and through some problems, he makes you a better pitcher… And person!

Matt: You had me at Deuce.

6.2 million dollars later, Ed wasn’t a massive success.

Ed opened the can of worms into my monkey movie knowledge.

Can I think of monkey movies? Okay they don’t have to have the monkey in a starring role but it would at least feature a monkey. And here we go…

Ed: Tribianni as a ball player. See above.

Outbreak: Damn you little monkey that caused an airborne attack.

I’m convinced this monkey is the most successful primate in cinema history, seriously. There was a stretch when this little guy would pop up in anything that needed some really intelligent circus act or a quick laugh.

This movie by the way was pretty interesting and started the topic of conversation of “what if” – it’s basically a worse case scenario that nobody wants to deal with. Also, it’s interesting that this featured a solid cast – Hoffman, Freeman, Russo, Spacey, Gooding Jr., Sutherland, McSteamy I mean McDreamy I mean Patrick Dempsy.

Congo: RIP Michael Crichton. Like all books turned movie, the book was better, but that’s not saying much. I actually didn’t like either, and I really love MC.

This movie was essentially about a tribe of super monkeys living in… yes…. The Congo. A team heads out on an expedition to find another team and all hell breaks loose, monkeys go crazy and start killing humans, but in all fairness the humans intruded on their land.

12 Monkeys: Does this count? In all seriousness I don’t think so, but it’s a really cool movie.

In my opinion, this is one of Brad Pitt’s finer moments. He received an Academy Award nomination but truth be told it’s because he was snubbed by not getting a leading man nod for Se7en.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls: Bumblebeetuna. Remember the plot to this? No, not many do. But there were silverback gorillas and Ace had his trusty little monkey with him, which was the “Outbreak” monkey.

Not even monkeys could save Jim Carrey’s overacting in this movie. In hindsight I’m really disappointed with this movie. I loved it at the time because Jim Carrey was a driving force for me to want to enter the entertainment industry, he made movies fun but… shit… you know what. I won’t do it. I won’t bash this movie. All I’ll say is that part 1 was better (and a classic).

Aladdin: Sure, it’s cartoon, but Apu was in it! Aladdin’s right hand man and comic relief, one might argue he made this movie. All I really remember from Apu is his little hat and his momentary jealousy of the magic carpet. This is the point and perfect use of monkeys in movies.

Monkey Trouble: I was a kid in the early 90’s and I wanted a monkey. Part of the reason was this Thora Burch movie and the trouble she got into with her pick pocketing monkey.

This plays into the Aladdin angle. Comic relief, had a funny hat, and was your friend. The catch with Monkey Trouble was that this monkey was a klepto and kept stealing from everyone, but just when Burch thinks it’s stole too much, the monkey redeems itself at the end.

I just looked at IMDB – how is this 12,186 on the IMDB meter?

Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull: Otherwise known as “The Indy movie made 20 years too late and should have never been made.”

You may not remember the monkeys in this movie but I do, and it’s one of the few times I actually hated them. In the final climactic 3rd act Indys son (which he didn’t know) Shia LaBeouf is caught in a bit of a pickle. He’s lost in the jungle without any escape plan.

Enter the monkeys and a very very bad case of CGI.

Little monkeys lead Shia out of the jungle to freedom assisting him by swinging on trees through the top of the jungle and right into freedom. Lets take a moment and think about the conversation between the writer, George Lucas, and director, Steven Spielberg, on just how they wanted this whole thing to play out:

Steve: George, I noticed that you had this scene with Shia swinging with monkeys in the jungle.

George: Who?

Steve: Huh?

George: What?

Steve: Shia, in the jungle. Do you really think he could swing out of the jungle like that?

George: Would Ewoks save him?

Steve: Lets have him swing out with monkeys.

I may have preferred the Ewoks.

King Kong: Too Easy. Big ol’ monkey. This reboot was 3 hours total and I vaguely remember Jack Black.

Mighty Joe Young: See King Kong. Minus Jack Black.

The Ape: The what? The Ape. Let me copy and paste a brief plot summary below:

Human resources drone and put-upon family man Harry imagines he could be the next Dostoyevsky if he could just get a little peace and quiet. When he moves into his own apartment to craft his masterpiece, his solitude is broken by an unexpected roommate-a foul-mouthed, Hawaiian shirt-wearing gorilla, eager to share his opinions on life, love, and animal magnetism.

Bullshit, right? Wrong. The above plot was a movie written, directed, and starring James Franco. I’m not sure what he was thinking when he made this movie but I give him credit for trying to make it. Maybe he knew that tossing a monkey in a movie would be a sure thing? But to Franco’s credit he does a lot in his career that people question and he just goes with the flow.

Although I haven’t seen The Ape, I hope Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes is better.

I stop thinking about monkey movies for a bit because my brain is a fried and I’m not sure how many more monkey movies I can tackle.

However, I don’t think Apes is a monkey movie, it seems like an origin story, and I love origin stories. How could a movie about Monkey’s taking over a planet go wrong? It just seems so right. I think the bigger question is why do I keep calling Gorillas, Apes, and Chimpanzees – monkeys? I’m that guy whose just bunching primates together. I should know more about the monkey species. Wait, my thought is getting off topic, I need to reserve my seats for the movie.

If this movie is good I may rent Ed and The Ape and watch them back-to-back.