Goon: Perfect Netflix Clutter

You know when you’re putzing through Netflix and see more shit than you know what to do with, but then you watch something and it reminds you that you’re getting a bargain by only paying 7.99 – that reminder is Goon.

I should note that Netflix streaming has always been a source of clutter and total randomness for me. One day I go to my home screen and it’s promoting Felicity and the next day it’s showing Mission Impossible as a new release. I think they need a better organization system, especially when their “new release” was released to the world in the 90’s.

The clutter that is Netflix steered me to the film starring Sean William Scott and Jake Baruchel. It reminded me to trust Netflix and their options (unless they change their name to Qwikster) and it also reminded me that Netflix is more than just TV series and random reality shows – for now.

The best way I can describe Goon is … shit … that’s the thing - I can’t describe this movie. Maybe that’s why I like it so much. Is it Rocky meets Miracle? Eh, sort of. The film follows William Scott, the insanely nice and self describe “stupid” bouncer whom hangs with Baruchel (also the writer of the film). Baruchel takes William Scott to a hockey game where one of the players rushes the stands and attempts to kick Baruchel’s ass. William Scott steps in and drops this guy in seconds – unleashing his talent: Kicking ass.

The ass kicking capabilities of William Scott gets him a job on the hockey team. His sole purpose is to fight and protect his players, which he does aka a “Goon.” Many fights later he’s brought up to a semi pro team to serve the same purpose. However, William Scott isn’t the only person in the world who serves this exact purpose. A crafty vet played by Liev Schreiber is currently positioned in the semi-pro league and he’s a legend. He’s also probably the best part about this film (more on that later).

As William Scott unknowingly makes his team better and forms bonds with his teammates we build to the inevitable conclusion of Liev (not using his last name because I like his first name so much) and him meeting in a “who gets into the playoffs” game where the two are destined to face off in one historic fight… And they do.

I’ll avoid the spoilers, but what you need to know about this film is that it somehow is filled with a heartbeat. William Scott carried this film. I would argue that aside from playing “Kar” in Bulletproof Monk this might be his best film. No, but seriously, this is his best film.

Liev kind of killed it as the old man who has seen everything but is still fighting to fight. As I was watching I kind of forgot how much I liked him as an actor. Aside from the performances, it was funny, fast, to the point, and was quite possibly the perfect Netflix movie.

Having said all of that I should probably note that there are some definite flaws in the movie, but I don’t want to dive into them because it’s not exactly a movie that you’d try to tear apart, you just enjoy it. Also, I kind of like trusting Netflix…

See Goon.

What I Learned From The Weekend

The Packers: For the first time all season I started to justify why it was okay if the Packers didn’t go undefeated, then Mason Crosby hit a field goal and I it was as though the thought had never been there. Truthfully, I was a bit upset it was even planted in my head.  

I’m not hiding the fact that I want the Green Bay Packers to go 16-0 in the regular season and win the Super Bowl, I’m greedy and I know it, but it’s what I want. If you’re a Packers fan then you’re thinking it too, if you’re a Packers player you’re thinking it, whether or not you’re admitting it is another story.

I don’t know exactly what I should take away from the Packers VS Giants this weekend. On one hand I was happy about their resilience and the fact they won in the final seconds. On the other hand I was worried once again because they seem somewhat exploited by Old man Coughlin and Eli Manning. But come to think about it… doesn’t someone always exploit them, but they manage to win?

Biggest fear is the injuries; I don’t like seeing Charles Woodson get injured at any time. So let me say this to any and all Packers people – Don’t think about injuries, go 16-0!

Tebow: How can a human not be Team Tebow? What other team is there to be on? I’m rooting for Tebow as though he’s Rocky Balboa, and you know what the weird thing is, he’s the underdog.

Think about it – he’s wasn’t exactly handed keys to the kingdom. He took advantage of a situation. Sure, he passes the ball like a blindfolded 8th grader but he’s winning games. Yesterday when the Broncos were down by 1 going into the 4th quarter I text my friend and asked if he had any doubt if Tebow would not win the game – he said no. Next week the Packers play The Raiders, who’s tied with the Broncos for first. So lets be clear – The Bronco’s will be in first after next week.

Tom Coughlin Looks So Worried: Whenever I see someone whose totally disgruntled and looks completely disoriented I always think they have The Coughlin Look.

Detroit = Not For Real: You can only go so long in the NFL being something that you’re not and the Lions have met the end of their road. I haven’t believed in this team from the beginning and now they’re starting to unravel.

I’m not exactly a Lions hater either, I actually was rooting for them and happy to see them start out so strong. But I never thought they’d continue on with a full head of steam and the luck of a Goonie. When I see the Lions I see:

A quarterback that looks like he’s going to pop champagne if he doesn’t get injured this season.

A wide receiver that is a monster and wants the ball more.

A angry coach.

A weak defense that thinks they’re the “bad boys” of football when actually they’re trying harder than the Ravens to be the Ravens of 2001.

More angry people who look insecure – including their coach.

A tight-end that spent a week on my fantasy football squad and is underachieving.

More Favre Rumors: What would an NFL season be without Brett Favre penis pictures - I mean stories? Rumors are swirling that Favre may be interested in helping the depleted Bears – I don’t buy it, but I like hearing about it.

Moving on to things not NFL…

I Really Want Dwight Howard in LA: Rumors started to swirl that Howard and Chris Paul may be traded, ahem, will be traded… when is the question.

Truthfully I’d be a bit upset to see any of the current Lakers go but they’re old and Dwight Howard is a superhuman… if he’s even human. To the rich go the spoils – bring on Dwight Howard and start the script for Kazaam 2.

Breaking Dawn is #1 for a 3rd Week In a Row: What a shitty weekend for movies. The box office isn’t exactly surging so Bella, Edward, and Dr. Muscles are in the top spot at the box office yet again.

There is no hiding how much this movie made me want to do anything else in the entire world when I was watching it, so to see this at #1 says one of a few things:

There are shitty movies out.

I am too old to get Twilight.

I’m losing my mind and this movie is good (NO!)

I am probably too old for Twilight.

People Are Still Freaking Out About YouTube: Not sure how intertwined you may be with the YouTube community but they recently did an overhaul of their site and everyone seems to be talking about it too much (like right now).

Long story short it’s easier to unsubscribe to channels at any given point. Lots of people (myself included) have subscribers because they subscribed to someone else and when they subscribed to them – I would get one too. Make sense? Well now when a person says “you know what, I want to flush out channels I don’t watch” they will… and they are.

YouTubers are up in arms about it, but it kind of makes sense. The beauty of technology and creativity is there is a sense of transparency and also the viewer has the control…. That’s the point, right?

The Walking Dead Is Overrated: I tried to get into it this weekend. Here’s how my Season 1 viewing went:

Episode 1 – Pretty cool.

Episode 2 – Ehhh.

Episode 3 – I’m done.

I kind of found it cheesy, not the concept (which has been done 100 times) but other aspects. Also, why the shit didn’t they say how long he was in the coma!? That’s the first fucking question I’d ask and the second would be “How’d this happen!?” Please don’t hold this from me, why won’t you tell me!?

Super 8 is Underrated: It’s late and my lady is out of town, so what do I do? Watch Super 8 of course – and it’s a really cool movie.

My friends would argue with me on this point but I stand by it – Super 8 is badass. So what it’s sort of a Spielberg “rip off” and JJ Abrams uses too many camera flares – it’s fun, entertaining, and adventurous. Watch it again.

Netflix Streaming Needs More Movies: It’s amazing that when you want to watch something specific and it’s not streaming on Netflix you can turn on Netflix. When I couldn’t watch Oceans 11 I was back to bashing it like it was releasing Quikster.

Lies I Told Myself

If you’re not a sports fan there’s a good chance you didn’t know there was an NFL lock out for the past few months. What that meant to the common fan, like myself, is that players and owners were on rocky ground and couldn’t come to an agreement on issues such as money, more money, and then money. What this also meant was there were no stories on football to report because the sides were divided and “locked out” - ie: no trade rumors, injury reports, updates, shit talking, all the things that engages us as fans.

As the common fan I was indifferent these past few months, and something happened. I didn’t look at ESPN.com as much and I didn’t watch Sportscenter as often. From that alone I came to a conclusion: I care too much about sports. It was eye opening how much time I spent randomly reading about my team and off-season moves. From that conclusion I told myself that I think I may take a step back, I think I can substitute sports indulgence with something else.

When I heard the lock out was over the first thing I did was text a buddy some random comment about how it’s time for the Packers to repeat and win the Superbowl, then to follow it up with a comment about Brett Favre (probably a penis joke) and his retirement. Truthfully, I think I was waiting to send that text since last season, and I don’t ever think I will ever get tired of Brett Favre comments.

Later I went to ESPN.com to read about football then went to Twitter, to tweet, but also to read tweets about football. Kind of pathetic, right?

In the course of 2 hours I was back into the flow of football. What’s going on with trades, free agents, teams, my potential fantasy football, and then it hit me… What the hell was I thinking? I love sports.

Was I some kind of sports fan who was posing as someone who didn’t need sports? Did I really think that I could take a step back from sports when my hometown Packers just won the Super Bowl? Who the hell was I kidding? I love to read about trades, hear about team issues and inspirational stories, I love watching motivational catches and acts of athleticism that I only think I can do, and most importantly: I love to think I know more about my team than the general manager does… I’m a fan.

Which leads me to one very solid conclusion: I was lying to myself about not wanting football. Which opened a can of worms… what else have I been lying to myself about?

I give you my: Lies I’ve told myself in 2011.

Not Wanting And Needing Sports: See above. But let me add juuuust a bit more to this. Sports are fun and engaging and they remind me of the greatest line Matthew McConaughey has ever said in a movie - “I get older, they stay the same age.” Of course MM was talking about high school girls, but in sports the talent level stays the same or learns from their predecessor and improves.

(Women, sorry I just compared you to the sports talent level but the same could apply for men. I should probably get of this subject, in the words of McConaughey and every movie he’s ever been in “Alright…Alright…Alright”)

Entourage Is Played Out: I’ve been telling myself that this show jumped the shark for years. (Thank you Fonzie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpraJYnbVtE) Ever since Vinnie chase took on a drug addiction and E started his own management company I was thinking, WTF. But, truth be told I really like this show and have been following it now for 8 seasons. It’s difficult not to stay attached to this show, especially when you live in fiction world like myself and actually think you have the same Hollywood problems as this crew. I’ll be sad to see it go.

I Don’t Like Harry Potter: I embraced and took on this series after the Prisoner of Azkaban. Voldemort is no Darth Vader but I’d argue he’s the closest thing in a very long time (I still love you Star Wars). Harry Potter, you’re adventure and I appreciate you for this.

I Understand Soccer: Yes, I understand how soccer is played… or wait, do I? I don’t know if I could tell you who is off sides or even how many people are on the field at one time. I really thought I understood this, but on the world scale I don’t understand how the teams match up, when they play, why they play, and what tournaments are going on when they’re going on. I’ve recently jumped into this to try to learn and educate myself on the most popular sport in the world.

I Like Dominos: Fact: In 2010 employees of Dominos shoved pizza ingredients in their noses and around their asses (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D9PikBzNNo&feature=related).

Dominos went on to launch a self deprecating campaign, which apparently saved Domino’s stock, to say that they’re going to be fresh and they have learned from their mistakes…blah blah blah bullshit. I tried their new “recipe” and almost fell for their make over until I saw a Dominos employee smoking in front of Dominos.

And then it hit me – I almost fell victim to corporate advertisement. Dominos has done nothing to change their employees just their perception. As far as I’m concerned this is still happening… probably in a lot more places than Dominos, but I need to see it to believe it.

I Love Netflix: Love is a strong word, and I misused it on Netflix. Before they split the $7.99 streaming and 1 DVD package to $7.99 for each service I was skeptical with this streaming service. It’s half assed as it stands, but to their credit they’re in beta phase with streaming and trying to get more licenses to stream, but I don’t love this, I like it. Get more streaming movies and I’ll love it.

Realty TV is Worthless: This statement was too general, example: Anthony Bourdain is great. Also, the worthless trainwreck is the best entertainment.

Too Much Technology Hurts Us: What the hell was I thinking? I love the options and the possibilities. I love knowing that I may be a cyborg soon and that I can connect with millions of people in a matter of minutes. I once thought this may be intrusive but the reality is, we’re accepting it and running wild with it.

Bring on the eye scans and nano’s!

I Understand Google+: This is fairly new to the world, and it’s the social networking mastermind that should rival Facebook. I am here to say, I don’t necessarily get it.

So I can only have circles? Why are my pictures so big? Am I always signed in? Wait… I’m in my 20’s - I should get this… right?

And so it goes, maybe this is more that I just don’t necessarily like it as much as I don’t get it, and maybe it will take time to grow all over me like google did 10 years ago. Also, Facebook is just embedded into my system right now and I don’t know if Google is doing anything so different that I need it, the one exception is that I use Gmail, which actually may be a huge google advantage. Either way, why ruin a good thing? Unlike Facebook, Myspace was clunky and scattered – which is why it took over Myspace in 1 second.

Not to sound like an old man but I realize there are many things I may have written off a little too soon. Patience and time are much needed, it’s good to sit back relax and remember things you … Wait… Shit… McNabb may have been traded to the Vikings, gotta read ESPN.com.