Petraeus: The Least Surprising Thing Ever.

 

Dear surprised people,

Am I the only person who thinks that the General Petraeus cheating scandal isn’t really that big of a fucking deal, and the only thing we should be surprised by is that he’s stupid enough to use email. Somewhere in that CIA training he had to understand the possible negative implications of an e-paper trail.

I think it may be time for a good chunk of people to enter the real world and stop pretending that we live in a Leave it to Beaver world, and people of power do in fact… stray.

I understand that people like to hold others in a very high regard, and I understand that common folk tend to have wandering eyes so common folk needs to look at men and women as people with more self control, ultimately holding them in a brighter light and looking up to them.

Its time that people stop acting like infidelity is a sign of the times, it’s not. It’s been around forever, maybe even longer. It’s just that there are more ways for people to get caught. I think the real goal is to live in honesty and be upfront about everything. The person who has nothing to hide usually doesn’t get caught for cheating.

For the record I’m definitely not saying that having a mistress and straying is a good thing, nor am I saying it’s the right thing. I’m just saying that we all need to stop being so fucking surprised that people who you don’t actually know have someone on the side. Having a mistress doesn’t change the world - it just keeps it going.

Sincerely,

A guy who has been faithful for many years and would possibly be castrated if it was any other way.

P.S.

Here’s a list of (some) men who have had mistresses:

140% of NBA players (not exact) 120% of NFL players (not exact) 110% of Futbol players (not exact) 90% of Hockey players (not exact) 70% of MLB players (not exact) Thomas Jefferson Benjamin Franklin George Washington Alexander Hamilton James Madison Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Bill Clinton Client 9 Elliot Spitzer Newt JFK Lyndon Johnson Anthony “greatest last name ever” Weiner John Edwards

…You get the point. Stop being so surprised.

The Weekend When a World Series Apparently Happened.

I’ll just be honest – I think I’ve given up on wanting to like baseball. It’s almost shocking for me to even say this because growing up in Wisconsin produced sports culture 101 and going to Brewers games was a normal occurrence when I was a kid. I think the times have caught up to me and I find the sport to be boring. The true test is if “my team” was in the World Series, problem is, is that I don’t really have a team anymore. I root for the Brewers due to hometown pride, the Cubs due to parental nostalgic pride, and now the Dodgers due to… shit… close proximity?

Whichever team I end up rooting for, or not rooting for, the bottom line is that baseball needs to inject itself with steroids again. I tried to watch a bit of game 4 last night and nearly fell asleep. Also, I’ve never really noticed until recently but it’s fucking annoying with all the chewing and spitting that’s happening with 90% of the players. I feel like an old man (or woman) saying that but it’s true.

Baseball needs to speed things up otherwise they’re going to fade away into the world of irrelevance.

Prediction: In lieu of NBC recently winning the rights to the Premiere League, I think soccer… ahem… futbol… will take over the ratings from baseball in the future. This is going to piss a lot of people off.

By the way, casual Sunday night NFL beat the World Series in ratings last night.

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Speaking of NFL…

My Green Bay Packers. This season has been killing me. Almost watching them lose to Blaine Gabbert yesterday only helped the production of grey hairs on my head.

I had a conversation via text with my friend who said he thinks the coaching staff needs to be realigned and Mike McCarthy needs to get the boot. I think I may agree to a certain extent. Watching the Packers week in and week out just tells me that Aaron Rodgers is amazing and he bails out the poor coaching and lack of discipline from the team.

Topic transition!!!

Speaking of movies…

Okay not speaking of movies, but I think I should note that I saw Taken 2 and Paranormal Activity 4 this weekend. I’m not exactly sure how another sequel can be produced for either franchise from here on out but my god I’m curious. I’m absolutely aware that these films may not be as great as the original but I love when sequels come out and they do well. My thought is… If people are going to see it… do it. That may not be the popular opinion but it only makes sense and dives deeper into the human psychology for specific entertainment and comfort in what we know.

Topic transition!!!

One more thing about the Packers – They’re taking form of the 2010 Packers when they played pissed off come from behind football and won the Superbowl. The only things that scare me are injuries and Eli Manning.

Onward.

Lies I Told Myself

If you’re not a sports fan there’s a good chance you didn’t know there was an NFL lock out for the past few months. What that meant to the common fan, like myself, is that players and owners were on rocky ground and couldn’t come to an agreement on issues such as money, more money, and then money. What this also meant was there were no stories on football to report because the sides were divided and “locked out” - ie: no trade rumors, injury reports, updates, shit talking, all the things that engages us as fans.

As the common fan I was indifferent these past few months, and something happened. I didn’t look at ESPN.com as much and I didn’t watch Sportscenter as often. From that alone I came to a conclusion: I care too much about sports. It was eye opening how much time I spent randomly reading about my team and off-season moves. From that conclusion I told myself that I think I may take a step back, I think I can substitute sports indulgence with something else.

When I heard the lock out was over the first thing I did was text a buddy some random comment about how it’s time for the Packers to repeat and win the Superbowl, then to follow it up with a comment about Brett Favre (probably a penis joke) and his retirement. Truthfully, I think I was waiting to send that text since last season, and I don’t ever think I will ever get tired of Brett Favre comments.

Later I went to ESPN.com to read about football then went to Twitter, to tweet, but also to read tweets about football. Kind of pathetic, right?

In the course of 2 hours I was back into the flow of football. What’s going on with trades, free agents, teams, my potential fantasy football, and then it hit me… What the hell was I thinking? I love sports.

Was I some kind of sports fan who was posing as someone who didn’t need sports? Did I really think that I could take a step back from sports when my hometown Packers just won the Super Bowl? Who the hell was I kidding? I love to read about trades, hear about team issues and inspirational stories, I love watching motivational catches and acts of athleticism that I only think I can do, and most importantly: I love to think I know more about my team than the general manager does… I’m a fan.

Which leads me to one very solid conclusion: I was lying to myself about not wanting football. Which opened a can of worms… what else have I been lying to myself about?

I give you my: Lies I’ve told myself in 2011.

Not Wanting And Needing Sports: See above. But let me add juuuust a bit more to this. Sports are fun and engaging and they remind me of the greatest line Matthew McConaughey has ever said in a movie - “I get older, they stay the same age.” Of course MM was talking about high school girls, but in sports the talent level stays the same or learns from their predecessor and improves.

(Women, sorry I just compared you to the sports talent level but the same could apply for men. I should probably get of this subject, in the words of McConaughey and every movie he’s ever been in “Alright…Alright…Alright”)

Entourage Is Played Out: I’ve been telling myself that this show jumped the shark for years. (Thank you Fonzie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpraJYnbVtE) Ever since Vinnie chase took on a drug addiction and E started his own management company I was thinking, WTF. But, truth be told I really like this show and have been following it now for 8 seasons. It’s difficult not to stay attached to this show, especially when you live in fiction world like myself and actually think you have the same Hollywood problems as this crew. I’ll be sad to see it go.

I Don’t Like Harry Potter: I embraced and took on this series after the Prisoner of Azkaban. Voldemort is no Darth Vader but I’d argue he’s the closest thing in a very long time (I still love you Star Wars). Harry Potter, you’re adventure and I appreciate you for this.

I Understand Soccer: Yes, I understand how soccer is played… or wait, do I? I don’t know if I could tell you who is off sides or even how many people are on the field at one time. I really thought I understood this, but on the world scale I don’t understand how the teams match up, when they play, why they play, and what tournaments are going on when they’re going on. I’ve recently jumped into this to try to learn and educate myself on the most popular sport in the world.

I Like Dominos: Fact: In 2010 employees of Dominos shoved pizza ingredients in their noses and around their asses (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D9PikBzNNo&feature=related).

Dominos went on to launch a self deprecating campaign, which apparently saved Domino’s stock, to say that they’re going to be fresh and they have learned from their mistakes…blah blah blah bullshit. I tried their new “recipe” and almost fell for their make over until I saw a Dominos employee smoking in front of Dominos.

And then it hit me – I almost fell victim to corporate advertisement. Dominos has done nothing to change their employees just their perception. As far as I’m concerned this is still happening… probably in a lot more places than Dominos, but I need to see it to believe it.

I Love Netflix: Love is a strong word, and I misused it on Netflix. Before they split the $7.99 streaming and 1 DVD package to $7.99 for each service I was skeptical with this streaming service. It’s half assed as it stands, but to their credit they’re in beta phase with streaming and trying to get more licenses to stream, but I don’t love this, I like it. Get more streaming movies and I’ll love it.

Realty TV is Worthless: This statement was too general, example: Anthony Bourdain is great. Also, the worthless trainwreck is the best entertainment.

Too Much Technology Hurts Us: What the hell was I thinking? I love the options and the possibilities. I love knowing that I may be a cyborg soon and that I can connect with millions of people in a matter of minutes. I once thought this may be intrusive but the reality is, we’re accepting it and running wild with it.

Bring on the eye scans and nano’s!

I Understand Google+: This is fairly new to the world, and it’s the social networking mastermind that should rival Facebook. I am here to say, I don’t necessarily get it.

So I can only have circles? Why are my pictures so big? Am I always signed in? Wait… I’m in my 20’s - I should get this… right?

And so it goes, maybe this is more that I just don’t necessarily like it as much as I don’t get it, and maybe it will take time to grow all over me like google did 10 years ago. Also, Facebook is just embedded into my system right now and I don’t know if Google is doing anything so different that I need it, the one exception is that I use Gmail, which actually may be a huge google advantage. Either way, why ruin a good thing? Unlike Facebook, Myspace was clunky and scattered – which is why it took over Myspace in 1 second.

Not to sound like an old man but I realize there are many things I may have written off a little too soon. Patience and time are much needed, it’s good to sit back relax and remember things you … Wait… Shit… McNabb may have been traded to the Vikings, gotta read ESPN.com.