Packers VS 49ers: The Aftermath

Well, that was painful. Not sure I want to go through that every again. I started the game telling myself that I’d do a liveblog because I wanted to document my ups and downs. It only took about half of the first quarter to realize there was not a fucking chance I’d be able to multi task and things weren’t looking great for my Packers. I turned my computer off (grabbed my phone) and stared at my TV screen while pacing and being a fan from the Midwest. Wait. Shit. This feeling sucks.

I can’t think. I don’t want to write. I don’t want to think about Jim Harbough on the sideline, Colin Kapernick running, that dude Hyde who dropped a 4th quarter interception, Colin Kapernick running, Packers injuries, Colin Kapernick running, dropped balls, the entire first quarter, and Colin Kapernick.

Damn. This one stings. Fortunately I’m a *tad bit older and wiser and I won’t go into a shit fit like I would've done a few years ago. The Packers took one on the chin, again. Kapernick owns the Packers and it kills me to say it, but I won’t hide from the truth! I can’t. I’m about to cry.

Fuck it. It’s just football. Onward 2014.

—————————————————————————————————————————

Actually, just one final thing: I had a text thread going with a few people. Specifically my good friend, DJ. This was his final text to me:

Bad play calling in the first quarter came back to haunt us. Dumb, stupid, conservative McCarthy play calling. 

Can’t say I disagree with that. Honorable mention for his text that came an hour earlier:

There is something to be said about pre-mixing Micheladas for Packers games. 

Can’t say I disagree with that either.

Time To Get Ahead Of Myself.

Jerry Rice fumbled! I had to get that out before I mention it 8 more times before this post is over.

Last night I had coffee with someone who’s from the Bay area and a huge 49ers fan. Within 5 minutes of conversation we were unintentionally talking about football and discussing the turn around that the 49ers had this year. Then I laid out a fact that opened up conversation for about 10 more minutes:

“I’m from Wisconsin”

In the world of two football fans who are relatively the same age our minds went to the same area, the area of late 90’s NFL when Brett Favre was smoking the 49ers almost every season (At least that’s where mine went).

For me that time period was somewhat a changing of the guards (briefly) as the NFL saw the dominate 49ers take a back seat to the up and coming Green Bay Packers.

In 1994 – 49ers won the Super Bowl.

In 1995 – Packers beat the 49ers in the first round of the playoffs then lost to Dallas.

In 1996 – Packers beat the 49ers in the playoffs (Again) and went on to win the Super Bowl.

In 1997 – Packers beat the 49ers in the playoffs (Again!) and went on to lose to John Elway (who did his best Tim Tebow impression) in the Super Bowl.

Enter 1998 -

The 49ers beat the Packers in the playoffs on a fluke drive that ended up with Terrell Owens (who dropped 47 passes this game) catching the game-winning pass with no time remaining. In TO’s defense it was a great game winning catch.

The asterisk on this game was the fumble Jerry Rice had but it was not called a fumble. As a matter of fact this play was a huge part in why we have Instant Replay today. Anyway…

My San Francisco friend and I went on to talk about the possibilities of the 49ers and Packers meeting again this year in the Playoffs… and I really want this to happen. It just so happens the 49ers pulled a 180 this year and are relevant again. The only chance they have to meet is the Championship game which determines who is going to the Super Bowl – which makes it that much better.

Can you imagine the nostalgic conversations that every analyst will have if these two teams meet? I can already imagine FOX calling Brett Favre and asking him to comment on the game, to which Favre writes “NO” on his middle finger, snaps a picture of it, and sends it by snail mail to the FOX producers.

Not to get ahead of myself because both 49ers and Packers have tough roads ahead… But I want this! I want to see Aaron Rodgers get his over due personal 49ers revenge for not picking him in the NFL draft… And I want the game to end with Donald Driver catching a game-winning touchdown a la TO style… Only Driver won’t start crying to anyone who’s willing to look at him.

Please football Gods – make this happen.

Adios Jinx: The Perfect Green Bay Packers Season

I’m a sports fan, and being a sports fan means I believe in random superstitions and raw emotion generally tanks logic more than I’d like to admit. I occasionally believe in random jinxes and from time to time am afraid to admit this to myself simply because I feel to embarrassed…I’m a sports fan.

In my world you walk a fine line between gloating and creating the ultimate jinx, it’s actually tough not to cross the two - The reason we worry about a jinx is because we have a personal investment in the team, we actually care. The reason we gloat is because we’re so proud as if we’re actually quarterbacking the team.

I’ve turned the other cheek and am very careful not to create commotion in my jinx world; I’ve played it safe because I’ve been burned before.

I’ve played it cool… I’ve played it smart… I didn’t want to jinx a single person… I didn’t want to jinx my team. But today that changes.

Fuck you potential jinx. Today I announce what I’ve been thinking all NFL season:

The Green Bay Packers are going undefeated. I want them to go undefeated. I never want them to lose.

Somewhere my friend Alex just got very pissed off with me for “calling it” but I had too, and I know he’s thinking the same thing too, but neither one of us want to be responsible if they lose.

I hate it when ESPN starts with the Miami Dolphin undefeated 72’ season talk at weeks 2 and to be honest I’m sick of them leading off shows with “Looks like the Dolphins can pop the champagne” once the 5-0 whoever lose their game. I don’t want to hear about it anymore, I want to hear about the 2011 Packers going undefeated - all the way through the Super Bowl.

Here’s why they’ll do it:

The Offense: Is it just me or do these guys really like each other? If the Packers were on Hard Knocks I bet we’d see them playing monopoly with each other’s families. Why is it important for them to like each other? Duh, they want each other to succeed.

Aaron Rodgers: It’s a good time to be QB in the NFL; A Rodg is experiencing that right now. As long as he’s going… the Packers will not lose.

Well, wait… I’ll stop, that’s it, that’s why they’ll go undefeated. The A Rodg led offense is so good that it’s tough to keep up with them at this moment in time, the only way you can come close to beating them is by keeping them off the field.

Why they won’t do it:

Injures: That’s it.

Old me would have just given myself the Larry David skeptical stare down and asked why I just opened the door on a potential jinx of injuries, poor Rodgers play, bad offensive play, and the perfect season. New Me is the guy staring back at Larry David confident in whatever I just said – knowing the only way to this machine down is through the unfortunate injury.

The Packers are good and my logic is telling me nobody can stop them, they’re currently like the opening sequence of Last Boy Scout where Billy Banks is running down the field shooting everyone because nobody will stop them… The Packers are him - minus the gun.

Today I denounce a jinx. ESPN please start prepping any and all clever things you have to say about the Miami Dolphins and Green Bay Packers. The Packers are going 16-0.

I say this with confidence.

Dammit. This is Jinx talk.

Link: Dammit. This is Jinx talk.

Brett Favre, um, please come back to Football.

Brett Favre, um, please come back to Football.

The Hacked Nude Photo And a New Game.

Fantasy football may be a thing of the past. I think it’s time to start a new fantasy league called: Celebrity Cell Phone Leaks. Points would be dispersed by various categories:

Naked Video: 50 points
Naked Photo: 30 Points
Enticing Photo: 20 Points
Embarrassing Photo: 10 points
Unappealing Photo: 10 points
Pointless Photo: 10 points
Incriminating Text Message: 10 points
Regular Text Message: 5 points
Address Book: 5 points

Of course there would be a few variables that could be taken into scoring consideration, ie – how they handled it, are they married, how it leaked etc… Also, this wouldn’t be a league for just celebrities but we could toss politicians and athletes in the mix too… Basically any public figure, we don’t discriminate in this league.

If this league were an actual thing Scarlett Johansson would just have scored 30 points and she just joined the conversation with about 30 other people in the past year. In case you don’t keep up with the leaking’s of celebrity photos then you wouldn’t know that 2 days ago Johansson’s naked body hit the web. She took two pictures of … well you can see for yourself.

According to Johansson this was a hacking on her phone and she’s been in contact with the FBI for months. I believe her. In most cases I would resort to thinking that she slipped up and nobody hacked her. To be honest I actually feel very bad for her and any other person who gets hacked. Your personal business is your personal business.

There has to be a solve to this, right? The obvious solve is to not take the pictures, and I think that’s the knee jerk reaction from the public. But that’s not the solve, it can’t be. It’s no fun. DON’T LISTEN TO THE PUBLIC, PLEASE KEEP TAKING PICTURES.

A letter to the Hackers:

Dear Hackers,

Stop ruining it for everyone. Please let these people slip up on their own and allow them to send pictures of themselves to their ex’s after a long night of drinking. The ex will then accept the picture and not think anything of it for about a week, but ultimately the ex will then send it to a friend or post it on the Internet after another night of drinking.

If you keep on hacking cell phones then people will (God forbid) stop taking pictures. Not to mention, you potentially hurt my future Fantasy Celebrity Picture game. If you want to do us a favor, be cool and hack Starbucks online system and change the prices of coffee for a day… or something like that. Stop ruining things.

Always and Forever,

Josh

What’s to make of all these pictures floating around? I’m wondering if the cell phone naked picture is going to be the new porno. I feel like the celebrity porno kind of died out, and I’m willing to bet at this current moment in time if you were to ask someone with a high profile to make a porno they would immediately deny. But, if you take pictures of them via cell phone… that’s still doable, is this going to change?

God I hope not.

Can we please just take a step back and dive deeper into this: What I think is great about leaked pictures is that the pictures we see are the pictures that are SAVED on the phone. We all know there were about 10 pictures before the saved ones that were deleted, so what we’re looking at, assuming they took the picture solo, is how they feel best. These naked pictures are essentially how they’d want to look if they were in playboy. Any time you see a leaked naked photo you have to say to yourself: “They think they look really good.”

So what’s in store for Johansson, what are the repercussions of taking a photo? Well, it changes depending on who you are:

If you’re a Sports Athlete: Tons and Tons of shit from teammates and fans, not to mention crying fans under the age of 13 (Brett Favre, Greg Oden).

If you’re a Politician: Donezo. Send out a naked anything of yourself and you aught to hope that you have any resemblance of some sort of career as this basically strips you of all credibility. If you’re lucky you’ll be able to have a show on CNN. (Anthony Weiner).

If you’re a Celebrity: Basically nothing negative can come from it UNLESS you’re in a relationship and the picture isn’t intended for your significant other. The reality of the situation is that nudity actually can make you more popular. The poster child for this is Kim Kardashian. Prior to Keeping Up With The Kardashians the only screen time Kim had was on millions of men’s computer screens. If you’re a musician and nude photo’s come out then you’re earning street cred. So, in the Johansson case, she has nothing to worry about. Johansson can say hello to the laundry list of celebrities that have done this same exact thing.

The other reason SJ is going to be okay is because seeing a celebrity nude has become such common place that I’m not too sure how much anyone really cares about this. Technology has once again paved the way for things that were one time uncommon to completely common. In my expert naked picture prediction I think that this will all blow over before you can say What is Scarlett Johansson’s next movie?

And just for shits and giggles below is a list of Public Figures that have been caught with questionable cell phone pictures… not to mention they would all be great for either a starting position or on the bench for Fantasy Celebrity Cell Phone Leaks.

Side note: Maybe Vegas should start betting on who will have pictures next. (Do it Vegas).

Brett Favre
Anthony Weiner
Ron Artest (What!? Seriously)
Paris Hilton (No duh)
Kardashian (See Hilton)
Tito Ortiz
Chris Brown (“Look at my picture or I will beat your ass”)
Christina Aguilera (figures)
Vanessa Hudgens (When she’s floating from the limelight we’ll probably see another one… coming soon.)
Brittney Spears (Does her getting out of a car flashing no underwear count? No)
Scarlett Johannson
Miley Cyrus
Jessica Alba
Selena Gomes
Demi Lovato
Blake Lively
Rihanna (See Chris Brown)
Ka$ha
Ali Larter
Busy Phillips
Tm Cruise (Just Kidding… can you imagine… eh, shit, horrible mental image)

There are too many… that’s just 0.3% to name a few….

Fantasy Footbal - Personal Attachments - and The Autodrafter.

It’s Saturday August 3rd, 1:58pm and I grabbed a Sam Adams beer to sip on before I start to organize my ideal Fantasy Football roster for our Monday draft. But first – about this beer - I’m sure we’re all familiar with the commercials of Sam Adams beer and the founder sticking his face in the hopps like he’s snorkeling. Then the commercial proceeds to brag about how many awards it wins and how much they all love beer.

I’m certain those commercials have made everyone just a tad more suspicious of their first Sam Adams sip. We take the sip and suddenly a flash of that dude sticking his face in the hopps appears. The thing is, I find this beer really good, but I can’t figure out if I’ve been brain washed from that happy go lucky commercial. Anyway, I digress…

The Fantasy Football draft: I know who I want, we all know who we want entering fantasy football, we all have the moment of a dream when we think we can assemble the perfect team. And at this point someone would typically make a list of players who are sleepers or who would make your team better, but I need to take a different approach.

Every year I take people who I think will enhance my team and when the season is over I reflect and I typically I traded them. Why do I trade them if I thought my team would be better? Well, because I knew I was taking them off of total and complete hope that they’re better than I think, or because I have some personal attachment to him. Having the personal attachment is a problem. You draft off of what was, or what will never by (hype). Which, brings me to a list of players who I have to write out of my draft…

I give you:

“The Players Not To Take Because Someone Somewhere Has A Personal Attachment To Them, Including Me” list.

- Reggie Bush: Okay, so my girlfriend went to USC. Okay, so I’ve seen the Kardashian porno and Bush resembles Ray J. Okay, so every time he touched the ball in college he did something that steaming Willie Beamon may have done in Any Given Sunday. Okay, so he we sort of slighted by the Texans when they passed on him for Mario Williams and he was taken second my the Saints in 2006. Okay, so he helped New Orleans rebuild as a community and helped them win their first Super Bowl title (which was great by the way).

Personal feeling aside for what he did with Louisiana he has killed me in fantasy football. I’ve literally been trying to take Reggie Bush since 2006 in hopes that he’s Barry Sanders, but he’s not. Bush is the ultimate decoy on the field, which doesn’t help fantasy at all. Coaches fear that he’s almost as fast as Usain Bolt and they always have to keep an eye on him. But his numbers don’t lie, and he hasn’t been the biggest help to me or anyone else in fantasy land. Maybe this year will be different on the Dolphins… maybe. But as far as I’m concerned – I’ve learned from my past… no more!

- Donald Driver: In all honesty after I typed Driver I just started at my wall and contemplated banging my head into it until I passed out and forgot what I typed. If you don’t know, I’m from Wisconsin, and I love this man as a football player. Love. Man love. He’s been solid since 1999 and is the premiere catalyst to any team. If this was X-Factor, Simon Cowell would say that Driver has it, he’s that important to the Green Bay Packers.

Here’s the thing – The Pack are more loaded than Gary Busey on any given weekend. They have the ability to go to Greg Jennings, James Jones, Jordy Nelson (modern day Don Beebe) and Jermichael Finley (whose coming off a injury and is hungry for footballs). Also, the Pack are unselfish, which is why everyone should love them. If they win another Super Bowl they’re flirting with being the Midwest version of the Patriots. Seriously.

Point is - DD doesn’t get the ball like I want DD to get the ball. This past year his average receptions dropped by about 22 over the last 10 years, his yards have been the lowest since an injured 2001 season. I just can’t take you DD but I think you’re more important to the Packers than any wide receiver… easily. Not to mention you have Jerry Rice like work out regimen.

- Drew Brees: I know, I know. Drew Brees is Drew Brees. Truthfully I don’t know if one guy has done so much with a team that doesn’t have the super stars, which is a testament to Brees and the coaching staff. But I can’t ignore the fact that DB threw 22 interceptions last year, the most of his career, and they’ve lost some key people on offense. Specifically they lost Bush (see above) by the way Bush was injured last year… maybe that’s why so many INT’s were thrown?

I think that Brees is way to risky and in my opinion a tad bit Fantasy overrated. He brings the intangibles like leadership, and I would take him if motivational speeches got me 7 points per game but they don’t. I’m expecting a questionable year, and I don’t like that. I need to remind myself to stay away from this guy… he may be great… he may have helped rebuild a city… he may have looked at San Diego in the face and said “F-U” but in 2011-2012….ehhhhh.

- Frank Gore: The good is that he’s one of the best pass catch running backs in the league. He averages 4.7 yards per carry in his career. So dude can play some football, no doubt about it. But, he always seems to go high in my drafts, and I actually always try to take him. I need to remind myself of something –

He’s played just 1 full season since 06.
06’ was the lone season he’s had 300+ carries.
He fumbles like a politician – 4.3 times per season.
He’s in a new system with a head coach that has never been in the NFL. The good news about this, is that the very same head coach ran the ball 535 in 2010 and threw it 379 in a college system… so there’s hope.

I suppose it’s the fact that injuries are injuries, and Gore unfortunately is susceptible. I love you man, but I gotta let the logic take over (Unless I can get you late in the draft).

- Donovan McNabb: Remember when you were the starting QB in Philly 2 seasons ago and now you’re starting in Minnesota? What happened?

I love McNabb, I’ve always loved him but I think it’s time to just sit back and part ways. It’s as though I don’t even know who this guy is anymore. In Andy Reids system you knew what you were going to get from him, not to mention he was the respected leader of the team.

I don’t know if he’s going to Brett Favre 2010 or Brett Favre 2011 on the Vikings (trying to not throw in a penis joke… Success). I just have to pass on this guy because as much as I’ve loved what he’s done in the past… I just don’t trust him - he’s just a comfortable pick. For the record I hope he succeeds.

I can’t believe I’m going to write this next name…

- Peyton Manning: The 4 time NFL MVP. Let me clarify something. The only reason I put Manning on here is because he’s been a lock to take in the first round. If some crazy fan wanted PM and took him first, we’d question it, give him shit, but ultimately understand it.

Unfortunately the lock out wasn’t kind to Peyton as he’s fighting an injury that looks like it will keep him out of the first game of the season, and maybe more. When the season was coming to a close last year, this man who is the most mechanical in the league started to look a little shaky. He kind of reminded me of Favre in his final Green Bay years, minus the gun slinging aspect of it. But he’s definitely taking more chances, which I don’t think is a good thing.

He’s still good, as a matter of fact he’s still kind of great. But something is a little different about him… I’m not saying to avoid this guy all together, I’m just saying that not taking him in the first few rounds wouldn’t be a bad idea.

I should stop this list now because my fingers are still burning from writing about Peyton Manning. I have this feeling that I’m going to pass on him and he’s going to put up 45 touchdowns and 11 interception this season, giving an emphatic “I’m a Manning” middle finger to all the doubters. Time to finish my beer.

On to my Labor Day draft.

LABOR DAY: 10:16am.

Just finished the draft and I not only picked McNabb in the 13th round but I took Bush earlier in the 9th round. Have I learned nothing? Damn, it just felt right.

Moving on, 2 final thoughts:

1 – On paper, pre actual football, everybody’s team looks great. Everyone feels confident, myself included.

2 – The autodrafter, you son of a bitch. Not sure how it always happens but it seems to happen. When you have an autodrafter in your league I think it automatically brings the league prestige down by 10%. We had 1 autodrafter. Since we have a 10-person league we’re currently operating at 90%. The only way we can go back up is if the autodrafter attempts to make 50 trades before the season. And we still can’t get to 100% I think the highest we can go is 98%.

About the Autodrafter:

He called me early this morning, like 3:30am early, and sounded like he was on a Lindsay Lohan binge. I called him back – nothing. I tried later – straight to voicemail and said his voicemail was full. In his defense… this sounds like a good excuse. But is it really ever a good excuse to be the Tonto of a Fantasy Football draft?

Bonus Final thought:

This was the first time in my football life Brett Favre hasn’t been in the draft pool. Nobody cared or thought twice about it. How quickly we forget people when they change teams, change teams again, make one of those teams really good, take pictures of their dick, and then retire (again).

A moment of silence for Brett Favre… Now a moment of excitement for the return of fantasy football.

Lies I Told Myself

If you’re not a sports fan there’s a good chance you didn’t know there was an NFL lock out for the past few months. What that meant to the common fan, like myself, is that players and owners were on rocky ground and couldn’t come to an agreement on issues such as money, more money, and then money. What this also meant was there were no stories on football to report because the sides were divided and “locked out” - ie: no trade rumors, injury reports, updates, shit talking, all the things that engages us as fans.

As the common fan I was indifferent these past few months, and something happened. I didn’t look at ESPN.com as much and I didn’t watch Sportscenter as often. From that alone I came to a conclusion: I care too much about sports. It was eye opening how much time I spent randomly reading about my team and off-season moves. From that conclusion I told myself that I think I may take a step back, I think I can substitute sports indulgence with something else.

When I heard the lock out was over the first thing I did was text a buddy some random comment about how it’s time for the Packers to repeat and win the Superbowl, then to follow it up with a comment about Brett Favre (probably a penis joke) and his retirement. Truthfully, I think I was waiting to send that text since last season, and I don’t ever think I will ever get tired of Brett Favre comments.

Later I went to ESPN.com to read about football then went to Twitter, to tweet, but also to read tweets about football. Kind of pathetic, right?

In the course of 2 hours I was back into the flow of football. What’s going on with trades, free agents, teams, my potential fantasy football, and then it hit me… What the hell was I thinking? I love sports.

Was I some kind of sports fan who was posing as someone who didn’t need sports? Did I really think that I could take a step back from sports when my hometown Packers just won the Super Bowl? Who the hell was I kidding? I love to read about trades, hear about team issues and inspirational stories, I love watching motivational catches and acts of athleticism that I only think I can do, and most importantly: I love to think I know more about my team than the general manager does… I’m a fan.

Which leads me to one very solid conclusion: I was lying to myself about not wanting football. Which opened a can of worms… what else have I been lying to myself about?

I give you my: Lies I’ve told myself in 2011.

Not Wanting And Needing Sports: See above. But let me add juuuust a bit more to this. Sports are fun and engaging and they remind me of the greatest line Matthew McConaughey has ever said in a movie - “I get older, they stay the same age.” Of course MM was talking about high school girls, but in sports the talent level stays the same or learns from their predecessor and improves.

(Women, sorry I just compared you to the sports talent level but the same could apply for men. I should probably get of this subject, in the words of McConaughey and every movie he’s ever been in “Alright…Alright…Alright”)

Entourage Is Played Out: I’ve been telling myself that this show jumped the shark for years. (Thank you Fonzie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpraJYnbVtE) Ever since Vinnie chase took on a drug addiction and E started his own management company I was thinking, WTF. But, truth be told I really like this show and have been following it now for 8 seasons. It’s difficult not to stay attached to this show, especially when you live in fiction world like myself and actually think you have the same Hollywood problems as this crew. I’ll be sad to see it go.

I Don’t Like Harry Potter: I embraced and took on this series after the Prisoner of Azkaban. Voldemort is no Darth Vader but I’d argue he’s the closest thing in a very long time (I still love you Star Wars). Harry Potter, you’re adventure and I appreciate you for this.

I Understand Soccer: Yes, I understand how soccer is played… or wait, do I? I don’t know if I could tell you who is off sides or even how many people are on the field at one time. I really thought I understood this, but on the world scale I don’t understand how the teams match up, when they play, why they play, and what tournaments are going on when they’re going on. I’ve recently jumped into this to try to learn and educate myself on the most popular sport in the world.

I Like Dominos: Fact: In 2010 employees of Dominos shoved pizza ingredients in their noses and around their asses (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D9PikBzNNo&feature=related).

Dominos went on to launch a self deprecating campaign, which apparently saved Domino’s stock, to say that they’re going to be fresh and they have learned from their mistakes…blah blah blah bullshit. I tried their new “recipe” and almost fell for their make over until I saw a Dominos employee smoking in front of Dominos.

And then it hit me – I almost fell victim to corporate advertisement. Dominos has done nothing to change their employees just their perception. As far as I’m concerned this is still happening… probably in a lot more places than Dominos, but I need to see it to believe it.

I Love Netflix: Love is a strong word, and I misused it on Netflix. Before they split the $7.99 streaming and 1 DVD package to $7.99 for each service I was skeptical with this streaming service. It’s half assed as it stands, but to their credit they’re in beta phase with streaming and trying to get more licenses to stream, but I don’t love this, I like it. Get more streaming movies and I’ll love it.

Realty TV is Worthless: This statement was too general, example: Anthony Bourdain is great. Also, the worthless trainwreck is the best entertainment.

Too Much Technology Hurts Us: What the hell was I thinking? I love the options and the possibilities. I love knowing that I may be a cyborg soon and that I can connect with millions of people in a matter of minutes. I once thought this may be intrusive but the reality is, we’re accepting it and running wild with it.

Bring on the eye scans and nano’s!

I Understand Google+: This is fairly new to the world, and it’s the social networking mastermind that should rival Facebook. I am here to say, I don’t necessarily get it.

So I can only have circles? Why are my pictures so big? Am I always signed in? Wait… I’m in my 20’s - I should get this… right?

And so it goes, maybe this is more that I just don’t necessarily like it as much as I don’t get it, and maybe it will take time to grow all over me like google did 10 years ago. Also, Facebook is just embedded into my system right now and I don’t know if Google is doing anything so different that I need it, the one exception is that I use Gmail, which actually may be a huge google advantage. Either way, why ruin a good thing? Unlike Facebook, Myspace was clunky and scattered – which is why it took over Myspace in 1 second.

Not to sound like an old man but I realize there are many things I may have written off a little too soon. Patience and time are much needed, it’s good to sit back relax and remember things you … Wait… Shit… McNabb may have been traded to the Vikings, gotta read ESPN.com.

Anthony Weiner and Brett Favre Have a Conversation

Link: Anthony Weiner and Brett Favre Have a Conversation

Brett Favre retired; Penis still active.

It’s been a long and storied career for the 42-year old gunslinger. Brett Favre holds every major quarterback statistic: most yards (71,838), most touchdowns (508), most attempts (6300), most completions (10,169), and the list goes on. As Favre stood at the podium once again after the final game of the season he told the world that after 20 seasons he is officially done. However, just as this familiar speech was happening, about 2 feet below his chin, Little #4 had a sense of disbelief.

Brett Favre’s penis came into the lime light this season when a former Jets employee, Jenn Sterger released incriminating photos that Favre allegedly snapped of his penis. Although this was terrible for Favre, it was a breath of new life for Little #4, which had been the unsung hero so many times in Favre’s career.

“I knew when Brett snapped a pic of me, we were going to have problems” said his penis. “This time was different, I just knew it. When he left the Jets for the Vikings, I sensed somewhat my life would change.”

It was a new life. Favre’s first year with the Vikings was almost storybook. Brett took them one play away from the Super Bowl, but in typical Favre tradition he threw the game losing interception that sealed the team’s fate. A loss like this would devastate a lesser man, but Favre needed another season to right his wrongs.

“I was ecstatic, once Brett decided to play another year” the penis said, “This was going to be the winning year.”

The penis was right, yet so wrong. Favre had never had so much media attention while losing. Midway trough the season the Sterger story broke and with that, the losses piled up. Eventually the Iron Man streak came to a skidding halt at 297.

“The Iron Man streak was incredible. Brett didn’t miss a game in 20 years. I’m not going to lie, I was tired, I sometimes wanted to quit,” said the penis.

With the Sterger allegations, the losing, and the streak coming to an end it would be only natural to retire, right? Favre’s penis thinks otherwise.

“I’m going to be honest, I think now that I am in demand and so much attention is being paid to me, Brett now wants out. I don’t want to call him completely selfish but I have been here for him, I’ll continue to be here for him, but now I deserve my credit. Realistically I think I have about 3 more solid seasons left and so does Brett.”

When asked about any other pictures that may be circulating, Favre’s penis paused for a moment and replied: “To be blunt, YES.”

An eerie resentment looms over little #4 and why shouldn’t it? This was his moment. This moment came late in the career but also came quick. Like any typical flash in the pan, it wants more but instead may have to settle for the Vanilla Ice of penis pictures.

“It’s an excitement you know? I like the limelight. Brett’s had it for a long time now. It’s a good thing, I heard it changes people but I want to find out for myself. If it was up to me we’d still be playing, I’ll try my damndest. I’ll try.”