Good Bye Packers Season... And Probably The NFL.

Aaron Rodgers, Colin Kaepernick Well. Shit.

Lets rewind for a second and return to Saturday…

It all started when I was walking with my friend to a terrible Hollywood bar called “The Tavern.” Terrible for the service, not really anything else. As we were walking my friend said, “Hey do you know whose winning the Broncos game?” I said, “no.” It was at that moment I realized, I don’t really care about other games, and I’m probably not going to care about football if the Packers lose.

This thought scared because this is what I call… The 2007 zone.

The 2007 Zone:

In 2007 Brett Favre was in his final year and the Packers were doing work on the Giants in the NFC Championship game. In what can only be described as overtime madness the Giants proceeded to beat the Packers 23-20, which sent me in to a tailspin of hell. That night I proceeded to drink more than Charlie Sheen and argued with anybody. I was irrational. I was angry. But most importantly, I was embarrassed the next morning.

I called my friend and I told him I couldn’t get like that again, ever! He agreed. And I didn’t. It was my unofficial Frank The Tank moment.

I digress…

When we arrived to the Tavern the Broncos game was coming to its unbelievable conclusion. The Broncos were about to lose on an improbable bomb from Matt “Jack” Ryan. Two guys, who were Broncos fans, and their girlfriends, who probably don’t care about sports, were sitting across from us. Watching them watch the game was basically foreseeing a domestic violence incident. These guys were pissed. At one point one of the guy’s girlfriends tried to kiss him and he batted her hand away. It was one of those moments where you could have swooped in on the girl and stole her from her boyfriend simply because the guy looked so fucking stupid.

I leaned over to my buddy and said “Dude, I really hope I don’t feel like these guys when our game is over.” He agreed and we had a nice laugh. But then it hit me - Watching these guys depressed in all their glory reminded me… The 2007 Zone. I mentally prepped for the worst-case scenario. I should have seen it coming. These guys were an omen.

And then it happened…

Colin Kaepernick decided to go Bo Jackson Techmo Super Bowl on everyone and he ran the Packers in circles. It was a difficult thing to watch. The last time I watched a Packers playoff game and felt so helpless was when Mike Vick crushed them in 2003 at home. I knew Kaepernick was going to be a problem, I felt it, I just didn’t realize how big of a problem and I still felt good about the game.

900 rushing yards later the game was over. At the start of the 4th quarter I asked my stupid waitress to close out. I wanted to bail and not deal with what was happening but apparently someone misplaced my credit card. Watching them try to find this thing was excruciating. It took about 20 minutes to track down and in that time I was surrounded by TVs and 49ers fans, all I wanted to do was run. It felt like one cruel joke. The Packer Gods wanted me to absorb what was happening.

The absorption and my stupid waitress may have been the best thing that happened to me. I realized that as much as I hated the game I’m fortunate it didn’t end like the Broncos game. I’m not sure I could’ve handled that. But I could handle this. I made peace knowing that the Packers got it handed to them. It was another game in a seemingly never-ending cycle of emotional ups and downs. I realized that I pretty much have moved on from the 2007 zone, I’ve grown. Fucking time does crazy things to a person.

The Packers season ended and so did my football-watching season. Every year I go through this push and pull. I wonder why I like sports and why I waste my time. I don’t know if I can go through another season of this. I wonder how long my push and pull love hate with sports will last. Hopefully I’ll come to terms sooner or later.

Damn you, sports.

The Green Bay Packers 2012: I'm Confused

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Wait. Wasn’t this supposed to be the 90’s all over again? Weren’t the Packers and 49ers supposed to meet in the playoffs and I could banter with my friends about living in the past and Jerry Rice fumbling? I thought it was, at least that’s where my arrogance was. Instead life reminded me that trends are recycled every 30 years and it’s the 80’s… Oh… whoops. Now I have to relive The Giants VS the 49ers, hmm I missed the memo on this one.

Yesterday was rough. It was so rough that I woke up a few times in the middle of the night unable to turn off my brain.

This is my exact text I sent my friend Alex at 4am this morning:

“I can’t sleep and I’m not happy. It was a good season… Confused …. Eh”

At 7:44am he got back to me:

“I’m trying not to think about it. It was a good season, but that was a terrible game. Worst they played all season.”

His text pretty much sums it up, it was the worst game they played all season. The worst part about it is that you could kind of see it coming, and you could definitely feel it coming. When I watched the Packers lose to the Chiefs earlier this season I felt the same way at half time, things just didn’t feel right. Those passes that they usually connect on just weren’t connecting. I was trying to stay positive during the game but deep down inside I knew this wasn’t happening. The Giants just looked better. Even my mom wrote me a text that said they didn’t look good… MY REALLY OPTOMISTIC MOM!

I need to push through this because it’s not that hard to diagnose, just hard to swallow. The Packers were just rusty and out of sync. The normal amazing shit that’s been happening since 2010 just wasn’t happening and if I may state the obvious – more dropped passes than that one really bad kid on the playground who you don’t throw too because he drops all the passes.

I need to write this out because I’m too cloudy to do it any other way…

Jermichael “I’m suddenly a headcase” Finley: He’s been dropping passes all season and it finally got to him. It’s as if every time Aaron Rodgers threw the ball to him some little voice inside his head said “DON’T MISS, DON’T MISS, DON’T MISS” then he dropped the ball.

Running Game: This is obvious, we haven’t had one all season.

You can’t spell Elite without Eli: Damn you Manning! Eli channeled his inner Peyton and picked apart the defense like he was in the Matrix and two steps ahead of everyone.

Oh yeah the Defense: For a defense that relies on letting everyone throw all over them because they’ll eventually pick it off, this didn’t exactly work this time around.

The Hail Mary: Tebow stepped on the field for a brief second and guided that pass right before the half into Cruz’s hands. I will toss this play into the category above. Seriously, how do NFL players let Hail Mary’s happen?

A Rodg: It seemed like Rodgers really wanted it yesterday. He was their leading rusher but the fact he couldn’t rely on anyone trying to catch a ball didn’t help.

If I had any control over anything: I would have said “Yo team, we’re going to throw the ball to Jordy Nelson and Donald Driver every single play. No, I’m not joking.”

Final Thoughts: Like I wrote the other day, I was worried about this game. Watching the playoffs reminded me that other teams are very good and you cannot afford to have a bad day, or even a bad quarter. Unfortunately, the Packers had 4 bad quarters. The Packers were rusty, too rested, and not prepared. I’m reminded of a quote that Mike McCarthy made when asked if they’re going for 16-0.

“We don’t play scared.”

Well, yesterday they looked like they were being chased by sloth from the Goonies, with a handful of confusion.

It’s moments like this that I need to remind myself that I had no control over the game, and even though I specifically went to the one sports bar that the Packers never lost at when I watched a game last season… I had no control!

Time to move on and get ready for the Manchester United VS Arsenal game next week on FOX!

Kidding. I’ll watch the NFC championships.

Final predictions: 49ers VS Patriots in the Super Bowl.

Oh wait, nevermind… A Manning is in the playoffs…

Giants VS Patriots in the Super Bowl with Peyton sitting in the box seats watching his younger brother on the brink of getting one more Super Bowl than him.

NFL Players: What Are You Talking About?

It’s time I come to terms and try to open a discussion about the culture that is NFL lingo. I don’t know if I should be ashamed with what I’m about to say or if others have been concealing this too. I know I can’t be in this boat by myself but as an NFL fan I’ve been lying to myself.

David Fleming from ESPN the Magazine had a conversation with Aaron Rodgers for their “Interview Issue.”

Side Note: Out on Stand Dec 12th, and also a great read.

The conversation is essentially a breakdown and the progress of Aaron Rodgers. Being a massive Packers fan I took a little more interest in what he had to say, then I read something…

Coming off of a question about James Jones and a Touchdown. Flemings question is in BOLD.

Is part of that getting to a place where complicated reads, such as the TD to Jones, just become second nature?

"It's quicker reactions and being more decisive with my checks. When you really start figuring things out as a quarterback, you realize you don't have to be perfect every time, but you do have to be quick and decisive. On that play, we had James on the left and Greg Jennings on the right. The pass check was for James to run a man-beater route -- a route with a double move that works well against single coverage. We were hoping the Chargers would go to a one-high safety look. Instead, they played more quarters, where each DB plays a quarter of the field, and they used high-low coverage on Greg. My quick reaction was that we still have man coverage on the other side with James, who is running a man-beater route. It wasn't perfect, but we still had good options to work with."

When I finished reading A Rodg’s response I thought - “Oh, So Rodgers makes quicker decisions and he passed to Jones because Jennings was initially covered.” But that’s the problem right there! That’s only sort of what Rodgers said, as a matter of fact he said a few things that I have no fucking clue what they mean:

“We were hoping the Chargers would go to a one-high safety look.”

“…The pass check was for James to run a man-beater route -- a route with a double move…"

”Instead, they played more quarters, where each DB plays a quarter of the field…”

“…and they used high-low coverage on Greg.”

In one answer I’m partially confused, not totally but partially, and the thing is – this isn’t some fluke answer, this is how regular repartee is in the NFL. Come on. As a fan when I talk to my buddy I don’t say “Wow, did you see the secondary in that nickel defense? I can’t believe the corners dropped back.”

I say “Dude, Jones just caught a good fucking pass from Rodgers! Touchdown!”

I can appreciate the coaches/players analysis and it’s not as though I want it to be stopped, I just want a better explanation. There’s no way these guys can think we all know what they’re talking about. Come to think of it, Ron Jaworski from Monday Night Football has great breakdowns and explains regarding what he’s talking about. But he’s one of the few.

Can I be alone on this? No way, I just can’t. I want a simplistic analysis from these guys; they have to know it’s what we want (or I want). I’m kind of getting tired of sitting in a room with my football friends and hearing some rubix cube of an explanation of what just happened and then nobody acknowledges it.

Am I alone on this? Is it just part of the football culture? Did I just out myself as a moronic football fan?

A link to the article: http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/7295185/nfl-green-bay-aaron-rodgers-greatest-season-qb-ever-had

In Game Monday Night Football Blog... (Saints VS Giants)

3rd quarter 1:11 seconds – Did anyone notice the guy painting a picture of Drew Brees … on the field? I can’t take any more emotional stories from The Saints - it’s impossible not to love them.

I don’t know why I haven’t turned off this game to watch last Sunday’s Boardwalk Empire.

End of the 3rd Quarter: Anyone just see that dude with the big whistle as a hat… who was whistling. Next to him was a Saints fan wearing a Portland Trailblazers hat. Speaking of the Trailblazers… so happy the NBA is returning for a cameo this year.

Barry Sanders is on a commercial right now – part of me still thinks he could rush for 1,000 yards.

Start of the 4th quarter… Woah, 72 yard Giants TD… comeback!?

The only thing that could stop the Packers and their pursuit for undefeated glory is if they rest their players a la Colts 09.

If you live in LA then you’ve seen this stupid Ford Jamal Anderson commercial. What the fuck is this?

I can’t believe Dennis Miller was once a commentator on Monday Night Football, what the hell were they thinking?

Just saw Sproles speed down the field – how quickly have The Saints forgotten about Reggie Bush?

Is there any part of the San Diego Chargers that miss Drew Brees?

Does Darren Sharper still play for The Saints? Was he better with the Saints or The Packers? I’m going to say the Pack… Bias opinion of course.

There is something badass about Sean Payton standing injured on the sideline calling plays.

WOW. Jimmy Graham just got bent backwards. Holy shit.

Gonna wrap this up, The Saints are showing no signs of slowing down. Current score is 35-17 with 11:02 in the 4th. Final score prediction: 49-27 (If the Giants are lucky).

To my buddy Ottford who is praying Eli Manning doesn’t throw to Nicks anymore for fantasy football purposes - I feel like you’ll win this, don’t worry (You have the power of Tebow).

Whoops – just going to post this and The Saints scored again in the last 10 seconds. New score prediction: 95-27.

Brett Favre retired; Penis still active.

It’s been a long and storied career for the 42-year old gunslinger. Brett Favre holds every major quarterback statistic: most yards (71,838), most touchdowns (508), most attempts (6300), most completions (10,169), and the list goes on. As Favre stood at the podium once again after the final game of the season he told the world that after 20 seasons he is officially done. However, just as this familiar speech was happening, about 2 feet below his chin, Little #4 had a sense of disbelief.

Brett Favre’s penis came into the lime light this season when a former Jets employee, Jenn Sterger released incriminating photos that Favre allegedly snapped of his penis. Although this was terrible for Favre, it was a breath of new life for Little #4, which had been the unsung hero so many times in Favre’s career.

“I knew when Brett snapped a pic of me, we were going to have problems” said his penis. “This time was different, I just knew it. When he left the Jets for the Vikings, I sensed somewhat my life would change.”

It was a new life. Favre’s first year with the Vikings was almost storybook. Brett took them one play away from the Super Bowl, but in typical Favre tradition he threw the game losing interception that sealed the team’s fate. A loss like this would devastate a lesser man, but Favre needed another season to right his wrongs.

“I was ecstatic, once Brett decided to play another year” the penis said, “This was going to be the winning year.”

The penis was right, yet so wrong. Favre had never had so much media attention while losing. Midway trough the season the Sterger story broke and with that, the losses piled up. Eventually the Iron Man streak came to a skidding halt at 297.

“The Iron Man streak was incredible. Brett didn’t miss a game in 20 years. I’m not going to lie, I was tired, I sometimes wanted to quit,” said the penis.

With the Sterger allegations, the losing, and the streak coming to an end it would be only natural to retire, right? Favre’s penis thinks otherwise.

“I’m going to be honest, I think now that I am in demand and so much attention is being paid to me, Brett now wants out. I don’t want to call him completely selfish but I have been here for him, I’ll continue to be here for him, but now I deserve my credit. Realistically I think I have about 3 more solid seasons left and so does Brett.”

When asked about any other pictures that may be circulating, Favre’s penis paused for a moment and replied: “To be blunt, YES.”

An eerie resentment looms over little #4 and why shouldn’t it? This was his moment. This moment came late in the career but also came quick. Like any typical flash in the pan, it wants more but instead may have to settle for the Vanilla Ice of penis pictures.

“It’s an excitement you know? I like the limelight. Brett’s had it for a long time now. It’s a good thing, I heard it changes people but I want to find out for myself. If it was up to me we’d still be playing, I’ll try my damndest. I’ll try.”