The Celebrity Adjustment

 

I saw the preview for a new show on the food network called “Rachel VS Guy Celebrity Cook off.” It has a cool little hook: Rachel Ray - a food enthusiast and in some ways a mini Oprah goes head to head against Guy Fieri - best known for having a horrible hair color that works on him, and also a NY Times best seller. Both Rachel and Guy have their teams duel by cooking, pretty simple, right?

Rachel’s team consists of: Herself, Aaron Carter, Summer Sanders, Lou Diamond Phillips, and Taylor Dayne.

Guy’s team consists of: Himself, Cheech Marin, Joey Fatone, Coolio, and Alyssa Campanella.

All seems reality show standard in the team VS team format, right? Yes, but something’s off... Oh right, the “celebrity” aspect of it. It took me a minute to swallow that the players on these teams are considered celebrities. In my world the viable celebrities on this show are: Fatone, Phillips, Cheech, and give or take Coolio. I honestly didn’t even know who Campanella was, and the only way I identified her is because she was actually wearing her “Miss USA” sash.

Not that I’m trying to take anything away from any of these people because they’ve obviously worked to get where they are, but seeing them sparked a thought process which has also been a topic of conversation for far too long. I think I have been confused with what exactly a celebrity is and where “celebrity” is going.

On a general ground rule I once associated celebrities as someone you’d know by face (that you don’t personally know). Someone that you don’t have to say “Oh that’s the person from…” At least that’s what it used to be. As cable grew it became impossible to keep up with viable actors from different shows, and the same goes for musicians. Over time a few adjustments to the celebrity rule came into place and I left some wiggle room as to which I associated with celebrity. Then as online videos grew the rule changed even more and we started to have “internet celebrities.”

As new celebrities in different mediums popped up along the way the allure and illusion of celebrity has all but faded. We once looked at someone and wanted to know what they’re doing at all times, and wondered what their lives could possibly be like. But now we have so many shows, magazines, and social networking platforms bringing us together that a peek into the lives of a actor is turning into more than just a peek, we’re being completely welcomed into their personal garbage that soon they’re “just like us.”

I personally love the openness that we currently have. The beauty of it is that we could all avoid it if we wanted too but we don’t. Celebrities have the option not to have Twitter feeds or make sex tapes, but they still do: And rightfully so – it helps their personal brand.

My issue with all of this is the lines that have been blurred into what a celebrity is. There is no fucking way I can associate Clooney and Aaron Carter both as celebrities. But maybe I have too? I looked into the definition of celebrity to be one of those annoying people who needs specifics and this is what Dictionary.com gave me:  A famous or well known person.

I need something more. This is what Wikipedia gave me:  A person who has a prominent profile and commands a great degree of public fascination and influence in day-to-day media.

By these definitional standards an argument could be made that anyone who has influence on the Web is a celebrity and team Rachel Ray is in fact built with celebrities. But it leads me to ask - Why is it that we have an unspoken understanding of celebrity value? I feel that if you’re a celebrity than you’re a celebrity… How have we come to various degrees of how famous you are?  If you’re scratching at the heels to barely be identified as a celebrity, shouldn’t that tell you something?

Should celebrity be measured by influence? Exposure? Talent?

An adjustment is coming – it has too. In an industry with so many labels we’re going to get to a point where you’re going to be labeled for what you are. If you’re a celebrity in your particular medium than that’s how you’ll be labeled: Movie celebrity, TV celebrity, Internet celebrity, Writing celebrity, Reality celebrity…. There are just too many transparencies in the world to not get to this point at some time.

Until any celebrity adjustment comes we should all enjoy our celebrity reality shows and the reality shows that create celebrities. Enjoy this time now because soon we’re all going to be blended together and to truly be a celebrity you’ll really need to stand out. We’re in the 2nd golden age of celebrity.

*** Didn’t mean to pick on Rachel and Guy, the show seems entertaining.

The Hacked Nude Photo And a New Game.

Fantasy football may be a thing of the past. I think it’s time to start a new fantasy league called: Celebrity Cell Phone Leaks. Points would be dispersed by various categories:

Naked Video: 50 points
Naked Photo: 30 Points
Enticing Photo: 20 Points
Embarrassing Photo: 10 points
Unappealing Photo: 10 points
Pointless Photo: 10 points
Incriminating Text Message: 10 points
Regular Text Message: 5 points
Address Book: 5 points

Of course there would be a few variables that could be taken into scoring consideration, ie – how they handled it, are they married, how it leaked etc… Also, this wouldn’t be a league for just celebrities but we could toss politicians and athletes in the mix too… Basically any public figure, we don’t discriminate in this league.

If this league were an actual thing Scarlett Johansson would just have scored 30 points and she just joined the conversation with about 30 other people in the past year. In case you don’t keep up with the leaking’s of celebrity photos then you wouldn’t know that 2 days ago Johansson’s naked body hit the web. She took two pictures of … well you can see for yourself.

According to Johansson this was a hacking on her phone and she’s been in contact with the FBI for months. I believe her. In most cases I would resort to thinking that she slipped up and nobody hacked her. To be honest I actually feel very bad for her and any other person who gets hacked. Your personal business is your personal business.

There has to be a solve to this, right? The obvious solve is to not take the pictures, and I think that’s the knee jerk reaction from the public. But that’s not the solve, it can’t be. It’s no fun. DON’T LISTEN TO THE PUBLIC, PLEASE KEEP TAKING PICTURES.

A letter to the Hackers:

Dear Hackers,

Stop ruining it for everyone. Please let these people slip up on their own and allow them to send pictures of themselves to their ex’s after a long night of drinking. The ex will then accept the picture and not think anything of it for about a week, but ultimately the ex will then send it to a friend or post it on the Internet after another night of drinking.

If you keep on hacking cell phones then people will (God forbid) stop taking pictures. Not to mention, you potentially hurt my future Fantasy Celebrity Picture game. If you want to do us a favor, be cool and hack Starbucks online system and change the prices of coffee for a day… or something like that. Stop ruining things.

Always and Forever,

Josh

What’s to make of all these pictures floating around? I’m wondering if the cell phone naked picture is going to be the new porno. I feel like the celebrity porno kind of died out, and I’m willing to bet at this current moment in time if you were to ask someone with a high profile to make a porno they would immediately deny. But, if you take pictures of them via cell phone… that’s still doable, is this going to change?

God I hope not.

Can we please just take a step back and dive deeper into this: What I think is great about leaked pictures is that the pictures we see are the pictures that are SAVED on the phone. We all know there were about 10 pictures before the saved ones that were deleted, so what we’re looking at, assuming they took the picture solo, is how they feel best. These naked pictures are essentially how they’d want to look if they were in playboy. Any time you see a leaked naked photo you have to say to yourself: “They think they look really good.”

So what’s in store for Johansson, what are the repercussions of taking a photo? Well, it changes depending on who you are:

If you’re a Sports Athlete: Tons and Tons of shit from teammates and fans, not to mention crying fans under the age of 13 (Brett Favre, Greg Oden).

If you’re a Politician: Donezo. Send out a naked anything of yourself and you aught to hope that you have any resemblance of some sort of career as this basically strips you of all credibility. If you’re lucky you’ll be able to have a show on CNN. (Anthony Weiner).

If you’re a Celebrity: Basically nothing negative can come from it UNLESS you’re in a relationship and the picture isn’t intended for your significant other. The reality of the situation is that nudity actually can make you more popular. The poster child for this is Kim Kardashian. Prior to Keeping Up With The Kardashians the only screen time Kim had was on millions of men’s computer screens. If you’re a musician and nude photo’s come out then you’re earning street cred. So, in the Johansson case, she has nothing to worry about. Johansson can say hello to the laundry list of celebrities that have done this same exact thing.

The other reason SJ is going to be okay is because seeing a celebrity nude has become such common place that I’m not too sure how much anyone really cares about this. Technology has once again paved the way for things that were one time uncommon to completely common. In my expert naked picture prediction I think that this will all blow over before you can say What is Scarlett Johansson’s next movie?

And just for shits and giggles below is a list of Public Figures that have been caught with questionable cell phone pictures… not to mention they would all be great for either a starting position or on the bench for Fantasy Celebrity Cell Phone Leaks.

Side note: Maybe Vegas should start betting on who will have pictures next. (Do it Vegas).

Brett Favre
Anthony Weiner
Ron Artest (What!? Seriously)
Paris Hilton (No duh)
Kardashian (See Hilton)
Tito Ortiz
Chris Brown (“Look at my picture or I will beat your ass”)
Christina Aguilera (figures)
Vanessa Hudgens (When she’s floating from the limelight we’ll probably see another one… coming soon.)
Brittney Spears (Does her getting out of a car flashing no underwear count? No)
Scarlett Johannson
Miley Cyrus
Jessica Alba
Selena Gomes
Demi Lovato
Blake Lively
Rihanna (See Chris Brown)
Ka$ha
Ali Larter
Busy Phillips
Tm Cruise (Just Kidding… can you imagine… eh, shit, horrible mental image)

There are too many… that’s just 0.3% to name a few….