Petraeus: The Least Surprising Thing Ever.

 

Dear surprised people,

Am I the only person who thinks that the General Petraeus cheating scandal isn’t really that big of a fucking deal, and the only thing we should be surprised by is that he’s stupid enough to use email. Somewhere in that CIA training he had to understand the possible negative implications of an e-paper trail.

I think it may be time for a good chunk of people to enter the real world and stop pretending that we live in a Leave it to Beaver world, and people of power do in fact… stray.

I understand that people like to hold others in a very high regard, and I understand that common folk tend to have wandering eyes so common folk needs to look at men and women as people with more self control, ultimately holding them in a brighter light and looking up to them.

Its time that people stop acting like infidelity is a sign of the times, it’s not. It’s been around forever, maybe even longer. It’s just that there are more ways for people to get caught. I think the real goal is to live in honesty and be upfront about everything. The person who has nothing to hide usually doesn’t get caught for cheating.

For the record I’m definitely not saying that having a mistress and straying is a good thing, nor am I saying it’s the right thing. I’m just saying that we all need to stop being so fucking surprised that people who you don’t actually know have someone on the side. Having a mistress doesn’t change the world - it just keeps it going.

Sincerely,

A guy who has been faithful for many years and would possibly be castrated if it was any other way.

P.S.

Here’s a list of (some) men who have had mistresses:

140% of NBA players (not exact) 120% of NFL players (not exact) 110% of Futbol players (not exact) 90% of Hockey players (not exact) 70% of MLB players (not exact) Thomas Jefferson Benjamin Franklin George Washington Alexander Hamilton James Madison Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Bill Clinton Client 9 Elliot Spitzer Newt JFK Lyndon Johnson Anthony “greatest last name ever” Weiner John Edwards

…You get the point. Stop being so surprised.

Filling The NBA Void.

 

Anger and confusion have taken over – I really wanted the NBA season. What happened? It just felt that since the NFL figured out their issues the NBA would too. I was wrong. We’re coming off one of the most exciting seasons in a long long time, specifically because “I’m taking my talents to south beach” was said and then followed up by their party that was similar to a WWE entrance.

I know we’re still somewhere in the woods of having an NBA season – there’s still a chance. But, it’s not the same and the damage has been done. Even if they somehow salvage something and manage to have a 50 game season I will forever remember it as a “Who gives a shit season”. There’s going to be a glaring asterisk next to the NBA champion / MVP / and basically everything else associated with this time. The only thing this season is good for now is 1 – highlights and 2 – a loooong pre-season before next year.

DAMMIT! I really wanted to see The Lakers, Kobe yelling at his teammates, Derrick Rose, Blake Griffin, Big 3, Big 3 fight, Big 3 make up, Trade talks, Shaq on TNT, the All Star Game, and did I say Kobe yelling at his teammates?

After I read that the players rejected the offer and will disband I immediately thought of ways to fill the inevitable sports void - In no particular order:

Watch the Green Bay Packers shack up with the 72 Dolphins after they win the Super Bowl: This option is the most helpful. After the Pack won the Super Bowl last year it really made me not worry about much – there was always a bright side to my sports life.

The Kardashians: Yeah, that’s right – I said it. Not only is it good TV but it’s also a chance to check up on Lamar Odom and the impending Kris Humphries story line. Some NBA action, right?

YouTube: Lots of old NBA highlights.

The Sing-Off: Commercials for the next season have already hit the TV. They’re promoting it to start after The Superbowl. I can already imagine the follow up to “Move like Jagger” but this time it’s remixed by Cee-Lo.

The X-Factor: This season isn’t even over yet and I want another season.

Hockey: Can I get into this? Eh, probably not.

UFC: It’s a good reason to act like I know fighting styles and drink beer. I may watch this – Only if Brock “the 14 year old trapped in a Manimals body” Lesner fights someone.

Baseball: Baseball is that one sport that finishes and seemingly starts up the next week. The Milwaukee Brewers made me like baseball again for the first time since the 90’s – I may actually give this a shot (when the playoffs start).

AMC television: Catch up on Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, Mad Med - AMC has slowly become the channel that is in the same sneeze as HBO.

Or, of course, there’s always the option to turn off the TV and start reading and doing things more productive… which I secretly hope happens and then everyone forgets the NBA. Truthfully, my stubbornness is taking over and I want to teach the NBA a lesson. I don’t like being at the mercy of any organization and the simple fact I thought of things to do instead of watching the NBA upsets me – I just like the NBA that much.

I’m pissed because of what they did to their fans, how they handled this, and all of their employees that will be without jobs. I honestly hope we as fans force the NBA to scramble and make them earn our attention.

NBA – see you in 2013. Idiots.