The Weekend: Movies

 

I honestly haven’t been to the theater for so long that I’m actually too embarrassed to admit it. The main reason is because I was spoiled with screeners this past Oscar season so I’ve been staying in… at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I’m worried that I’m reaching a point that I never have wanted to get to - A point where going to a theater is actually more of a hassle than enjoyment. Fuck. I’m kind of not accepting that that may be the case.

It’s tough to go to movies that aren’t great and sit in a theater with people texting, people talking, occasional bad sound, over priced tickets, over priced parking, and people coughing. Am I becoming neurotic? I really hope not. I don’t want to lose my love for going to the theater more than I already have. This weekend I break my slump that I’ve been in these past few months… I. Am. Going. To. See. A. Movie.

This is what I’m (we’re) working with:

NEW RELEASES:

Project X: The “found footage” film that’s being advertised as Superbad on coke. It’s from producer Todd Phillips, who did The Hangover, and he has a certain knack for these kind of movies. This film kind of seems like an obvious choice – I’m interested. However it’s kind of getting horrible reviews, as of Friday morning it’s got a 26% rating on rotten tomatoes. Not sure if it’s going to toss me from seeing it, I sure as shit don’t think it’s going to stop the teens, early 20 year old’s, and people who are high from seeing it.

Speaking of people getting high…

The Lorax: The animated Dr. Seuss film that’s being present in 3D, IMAX 3D, 3DDDD, and every other kind of thing that isn’t 2D. Truthfully I was interested in the Lorax, it seems right up my alley in terms of feel good animation films, until my friend told me it was horrible. I had to confirm, so I went to trusty rotten tomatoes to find out what the deal is – 65% rating. Eh.

It’s funny how movie reviews work. I feel like when you really like a movie then reviews don’t matter and you tell yourself you’re smarter than people who gave it bad reviews. When you hate a movie then reviews totally matter and everyone is on tune with how you feel, and when you barely want to see anything, they also matter because if it’s a bad review you won’t go.

If you’re like me, and for some odd are reason turning into a neurotic old man who doesn’t want to sit in movies because you feel like your time is so precious that the movie better be amazing, here are other options that aren’t new releases:

Wanderlust: Movie bombed but I heard it’s good. It’s with Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd.

Safe House: Denzel and Reynolds.

The Vow: The reality is, if you haven’t already seen this you aren’t going to it this weekend. The Vow has been out for weeks now.

The Grey: Why the shit haven’t I seen this movie!? I’ve heard nothing but good things about it. One of my friends seemed as though he had to smoke a cigarette after watching it.

Tyler Perry presents a Tyler Perry movie starring Tyler Perry not as Madea with Terry Perry called a presentation by Tyler Perry featuring Tyler Perry in Good Deeds starring Tyler Perry: The age old debate that TP is the worst thing to ever happen to film or the best thing to ever happen to film rages on. He makes films for a specific culture and presses on stereotypes like he’s a racist white man… but he’s not. His movies generate huge income and he has a huge following. This is another movie that you’ve either already seen and are going back or you’re not seeing it.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: Errr.. Nick Cage.

Act of Valor: This film killed it last week. As I’m sure you already know from the onslaught of advertisements, the film features active Navy Seals. I hear it’s kind of cool.

Journey 2: The Rock!: Okay so that’s not the actual title but Journey 2 has lost it’s audience to The Lorax.

This Means War: Chris Pine, Reece Witherspoon, and Tom Hardy. This movie flopped, what happened here? Pine is a movie star, Witherspoon was, and Hardy will be if he isn’t already.

AND:

Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie: This currently has a limited release; I saw it at Sundance and its nuts. Here’s the TRAILER. I encourage myself and anyone else to see a movie this weekend. Honestly I kind of have my sights set on Project X so I hope to have something positive to report. I’m kind of curious how they’ll pull off the found footage aspect in this. Enjoy the movie watching weekend, and remember… don’t F-ing text in a dark movie!

3 Films and 1 Explanation.

Sunday threw me in an official tailspin. I was planning to update on a daily basis but then football had to happen. Sunday morning at approximately 11:04am I walked into Maxwell’s sports bar here in Utah and told them I needed to reserve a seat. They opened at 11am, and for being the first customer I was given a jack and ginger ale. My bartender was from the south, whiskey was her drink of choice, and I’m never one to turn down a free drink. When I asked her if she’d think less of me for drinking at 11am, she replied with “No” as if I were crazy for even asking… sold. That began the potential turn of events. I proceeded to sit in one place from about 11am until 9:30pm. I consumed more pizza and beer than I’d like to admit, and then later headed to a party. This was a longwinded way to say, I missed days of talking about movies and Sundance. My entire system was thrown off… it was inevitable.

Which brings us full swing to Tuesday, and I’m out of my awesome football-watching day.

Up until Monday I had been spoiled by two people I work with. Spoiled in the sense that they know what they’re doing and where they’re going.  Part of me hasn’t been paying as much attention to things as I should; I’ve been taking things for granted with them as my guide. But Monday I explored. I finally was able to make out Park City.

Monday reminded me of a day in Los Angeles. As I was exploring I attempted to get into 2 different places and was rejected. First was the Bing.com building where I saw artwork, as I tried to walk in a big guy stopped me and basically told me to turn the fuck around. I asked what was going on, he said I couldn’t be there. I asked who the artist was; he said he couldn’t tell me…. Wow…

Alex, if you’re reading this it was a cool painting of a skull, I was going to snap a picture and send it your way, and you would have liked it. Anyone else reading this – don’t ask why Alex likes skulls.

The second place wasn’t so much a rejection but more of a dismissal. You know what, who cares? I’m sick of talking about rejection. On to the movies!

Nobody Walks: Starring Jon Krasinski, Jane Levy, Olivia Thrilby – Wait – As I was just checking to see if I have correct spelling of names I saw that Krasinski has a “Special Thanks” for the movie Super 8. What the shit?

This movie is the prototypical indie film. That’s not a bad or good thing; well I suppose it could be depending on who you are. If you like films that are attempting to show the internal workings of a family, their problems, issues, and how they deal with them, then you’d like this movie.

Honestly I wouldn’t have paid to see this movie in a theater, as much as I like Krasinski I just felt this pace to be a bit slow (but consistent). Films like these find themselves in an odd place. They’re well made but don’t appeal to the masses and have difficultly making it on a wide scale. If it pops up on your Netflix cue, watch it. But if you’re having marital issues and also happen to have a 23 year old artist staying in your house… don’t watch it.

Black Rock: I honestly just stared at my computer and contemplated how I would embrace talking about Black Rock. I then went to sleep and hoped that I would take a more positive approach on it when I woke up – nope.

This movie sold for close to 7 figures, and was one of the first films out of Sundance to be bought. It was written by Mark Duplass, directed by his wife Katie Aselton, whom also is a star in it along with Kate Bosworth and Lake Bell. Let me be very clear when I say I really like everyone associated with this movie. I’m a huge fan of The League on FX which, which stars Duplass and Aselton, don’t mind Bosworth, and think Bell is good in a supporting role as the goofy friend.

In this movie, it was as though I was watching a cluster of all things bad coming together in a film. To be kind I will state it like this, it had poor directing, annoying dialogue, and then to the delivery of the dialogue made me laugh. I couldn’t understand what I was watching or how such caliber of Hollywood managed to screw this up. It was as though I was watching a film that was shot with my friends when we had no money and were looking to do something in a weekend.

Oh right, the plot – 3 girlfriends take a trip back to a small island that was once special to them and they run into 3 former marines. One of the marines gets too frisky with Aselton, she gets a little too violent, and the film turns to a hunting/hunter film.

The premise doesn’t sound too bad, right? I had high hopes going into this film and thought that maybe my expectations had ruined things for me – no, it just wasn’t bad. When I see that LD entertainment purchased this film it makes me rethink so much about film. But the reality is the film will sell and the powers that be can stick 3 girls on the cover with the name value of Duplass with Bosworth and they’re fine.

The most telling thing about this film is how self-serving Aselton appeared. Her name showed 4 times pre movie, she gave herself top billing (even though Bosworth is the star), the final image of the film rested on her (as though her character had some big change… she didn’t), and then when the film ended we were reminded yet again that it was directed by her… And yes, written by her husband.

I would have walked out of the film if it weren’t for the fact that I was waiting to see Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie, which brings me too…

Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie: Full discretion – I’ve never seen their show on Adult Swim, but I don’t think I had too. I don’t need to get into the premise of this film because I think this is either a you’re seeing it already or you’re not seeing it kind of thing.

I didn’t think much of this film going in but it had some genuine moments where I was laughing my head off. Unfortunately those laughs subsided for too long and watching 1.5 hours of Tim and Eric was a little much, I found it to be a bit obnoxious and it left me with a mild headache. It was just a little much for me, even though I love that Will Ferrell, Jeff Goldblum, and John C Reilly are in it.

Like I said, I laughed my head off, but I want it in a shorter film, I’ll probably end up watching the show from time to time on Adult Swim… which is a good thing. It’s a fun movie, just 50 minutes too long.

Without spoiling too much yet trying to inflict interest, the best parts of the film were: The vignettes, the child story line, the black out scene, Will Ferrell, Jeff Goldblum, the wolf, the first 10 minutes, and did I mention the child story line?

My days are winding down here. My Holiday in Express is closing in on me, I have more movies watching to do, and I have to read about Oscar nominations (announced today).

The Last Airbender - Independece Review!

Matthew McConaughey voice for a second:

Alright, Alright, Alright.

I checked out what is not only being called the worst movie of his career but one of the worst movies in the past decade. M Knight Shymalan’s: The Last Airbender.

Let me just say one thing. I’m a huge M Knight fan. I liked his first few movies but then Lady in the Water Happened. I cut him some slack but then The Happening happened and I was just confused. But, the one thing that I always liked about this guy is that he continuously took chances and made movies that stretched our belief in common day.

The problem with the M Knight is that he started on top of the world out of nowhere. He’s like the R.L. Stein of movie making (90’s reference). Everyone’s expectations are through the roof with him, which lead us to always expect some twist or turn at the end of his films. Clearly, he’s made awesome things and we’re all recognizing this otherwise the critics wouldn’t be tearing him apart like he’s responsible for the BP oil spill.

Review time:

Did I like this film… It was Ehhhhh. It definitely had some cool parts, the fighting was interesting, special effects were good, and the overall idea of using the elements to your advantage kept me interested. BUT, the acting from some of the lead kids (Not the Slumdog Millionaire) was just not good. I think it was too much to handle.

The other main issue with this film is that there was so much going on that it almost felt like the story was all over the place. However, the upside to that problem is this is based off of a cartoon I’ve never seen and something tells me he tried to fit a massive amount from the TV show.

I really wanted to like this film, then I read the reviews and saw that just about nobody liked it so my expectations fell FLAT, then I went and saw it - waiting for something terrible to happen and for me to say “okay this sucks” but that didn’t happen. My emotions were basically everywhere, and I think they still are.

NOW - Going into this film it’s important to understand that this is a kid’s film. How do we know this? Aside from it being PG and based off of cartoon, the 50 kids in the theater were cheering throughout the movie.  Those kids cheering and wanting more is the key to the equation. It’s what’s being overlooked. If the idea was to entertain kids – it worked. If the idea was to entertain everyone – it didn’t work at all.

Let’s lay off this man for a minute shall we? He’s not that bad, and it’s saying something that we all hold one person on such a high pedestal. I admit he should probably stick to directing and end the writing. I’ll also admit this movie had the potential to be a Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter in regards to epic tone. But, it wasn’t.

M Knight will live to direct another day, and when that day comes I will most likely be seeing his movie on opening weekend while I read reviews of how he will never direct again.

This Guy’s money track record…. just because.

7/1/10 The Last Airbender Par. $57,000,000

6/13/08 The Happening Fox $64,506,874

7/21/06 Lady in the Water WB $42,285,169

7/30/04 The Village BV $114,197,520

8/2/02 Signs BV $227,966,634 3,453

11/22/00 Unbreakable BV $95,011,339

8/6/99 The Sixth Sense BV $293,506,292