MOVIE:

It’s official. I broke my “not going to the movie theater” streak this weekend and saw Project X. I had mixed feelings about it and may still be recovering from the hangover I received while watching. Overall I didn’t mind it, I knew what I was getting myself into – A found footage exaggerated drinking comedy in high school. At least, I think it was exaggerated… Coming from the crazy suburban streets of Wisconsin I think it’s safe to say my parties were a tad more contained than that of Project X.

It’s a fun movie and if you’re going to see it don’t expect to see an incarnation of a John Hughes film - It’s more topical to the time we live in. I wonder how many teens got completely hammered after watching the movie and then tried to recreate the premise of the film but only had 8 kids show up at their house… TV:

Lindsay Lohan on SNL: Is it just me or has SNL hit its stride in the last year? Last week’s Maya Rudolph show essentially was one of the best shows I’ve seen as a stand-alone in a long time, and I find myself seeking out skits. Buuuuuut then the stride hit a roadblock named Lindsay Lohan.

Does anyone remember Lohan the actor? Not really, right? She’s just a girl we feel sorry for because of her (seemingly) really bad upbringing and continuous horrible choices. I think that everyone felt like this SNL was an opportunity for her to clean up her image a bit and say, “I’m good, I can still act, and I still have a career!” But the reality is, it didn’t, and she’s not that good anymore… I feel kind of bad for her.

The episode took the easy route of poking fun at Lohan’s past issues, which was funny, but to obvious. Aside from her stumbling over lines she looked uncomfortable. I may be looking to far into this but don’t you think when she was presented with an opportunity to redeem herself on the SNL stage she’d REALLLY go for it like she’s in the final acting role of her life. I think her phoning it in on SNL says a lot about her. Having said that… It was the second highest rated show all season and THIS skit was pretty fucking funny.

Awake: Maybe the coolest show on TV that I hope doesn’t get cancelled. It was created by Kyle Killen aka “The Guy who created The Beaver but then Mel Gibson went Mel Gibson on everyone so the movie bombed” aka “The Guy who created Lone Star but nobody watched it and you don’t know what the hell Lone Star is” aka “This guy is really talented” (Fairly certain I misused “aka’s” and my “quotation marks” “””). Check out Awake.

Celebrity Apprentice: This show is a mess! Shark Tank: This show isn’t a mess and it’s insanely underrated. I think I love Shark Tank. If you don’t know the premise - it’s essentially Mark Cuban and 6 other successful business minds hearing pitches from people and then they bid on it or tell them it’s a horrible idea. The NBA:

I watched The Lakers VS Heat on Sunday and aside from how awesome the game was the other thing people were talking about was D. Wade’s smedium shirt. I think it’s time we have a “best dressed” competition in the NBA.

I honestly haven’t been to the theater for so long that I’m actually too embarrassed to admit it. The main reason is because I was spoiled with screeners this past Oscar season so I’ve been staying in… at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I’m worried that I’m reaching a point that I never have wanted to get to - A point where going to a theater is actually more of a hassle than enjoyment. Fuck. I’m kind of not accepting that that may be the case.

It’s tough to go to movies that aren’t great and sit in a theater with people texting, people talking, occasional bad sound, over priced tickets, over priced parking, and people coughing. Am I becoming neurotic? I really hope not. I don’t want to lose my love for going to the theater more than I already have. This weekend I break my slump that I’ve been in these past few months… I. Am. Going. To. See. A. Movie.

This is what I’m (we’re) working with:

NEW RELEASES:

Project X: The “found footage” film that’s being advertised as Superbad on coke. It’s from producer Todd Phillips, who did The Hangover, and he has a certain knack for these kind of movies. This film kind of seems like an obvious choice – I’m interested. However it’s kind of getting horrible reviews, as of Friday morning it’s got a 26% rating on rotten tomatoes. Not sure if it’s going to toss me from seeing it, I sure as shit don’t think it’s going to stop the teens, early 20 year old’s, and people who are high from seeing it.

Speaking of people getting high…

The Lorax: The animated Dr. Seuss film that’s being present in 3D, IMAX 3D, 3DDDD, and every other kind of thing that isn’t 2D. Truthfully I was interested in the Lorax, it seems right up my alley in terms of feel good animation films, until my friend told me it was horrible. I had to confirm, so I went to trusty rotten tomatoes to find out what the deal is – 65% rating. Eh.

It’s funny how movie reviews work. I feel like when you really like a movie then reviews don’t matter and you tell yourself you’re smarter than people who gave it bad reviews. When you hate a movie then reviews totally matter and everyone is on tune with how you feel, and when you barely want to see anything, they also matter because if it’s a bad review you won’t go.

If you’re like me, and for some odd are reason turning into a neurotic old man who doesn’t want to sit in movies because you feel like your time is so precious that the movie better be amazing, here are other options that aren’t new releases:

Wanderlust: Movie bombed but I heard it’s good. It’s with Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd.

Safe House: Denzel and Reynolds.

The Vow: The reality is, if you haven’t already seen this you aren’t going to it this weekend. The Vow has been out for weeks now.

The Grey: Why the shit haven’t I seen this movie!? I’ve heard nothing but good things about it. One of my friends seemed as though he had to smoke a cigarette after watching it.

Tyler Perry presents a Tyler Perry movie starring Tyler Perry not as Madea with Terry Perry called a presentation by Tyler Perry featuring Tyler Perry in Good Deeds starring Tyler Perry: The age old debate that TP is the worst thing to ever happen to film or the best thing to ever happen to film rages on. He makes films for a specific culture and presses on stereotypes like he’s a racist white man… but he’s not. His movies generate huge income and he has a huge following. This is another movie that you’ve either already seen and are going back or you’re not seeing it.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: Errr.. Nick Cage.

Act of Valor: This film killed it last week. As I’m sure you already know from the onslaught of advertisements, the film features active Navy Seals. I hear it’s kind of cool.

Journey 2: The Rock!: Okay so that’s not the actual title but Journey 2 has lost it’s audience to The Lorax.

This Means War: Chris Pine, Reece Witherspoon, and Tom Hardy. This movie flopped, what happened here? Pine is a movie star, Witherspoon was, and Hardy will be if he isn’t already.

AND:

Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie: This currently has a limited release; I saw it at Sundance and its nuts. Here’s the TRAILER. I encourage myself and anyone else to see a movie this weekend. Honestly I kind of have my sights set on Project X so I hope to have something positive to report. I’m kind of curious how they’ll pull off the found footage aspect in this. Enjoy the movie watching weekend, and remember… don’t F-ing text in a dark movie!