The Craziest Thing All Week...

 

A lot of things happened this weekend that could possibly rank in the “wow that was some crazy shit” pile.

To list off a few things in no particular order - Felix Baumgarten jumped from space and proceeded to break the sound barrier THEN proceeded to land and stay alive for it. The space shuttle Endeavor rolled through LA to its new resting place at the California Science center. The Yankees lost Derek Jeter and Aaron Rodgers almost brought back his title belt move while beating up the Texans.

However, there’s something bigger here. Something so confusing that it trumps everything that happened this weekend: Alfonso Ribeiro aka Carlton Banks from The Fresh Prince got married this weekend. Congrats dude! But the marriage part isn’t what makes this crazy. I read in an article that Will Smith, Joey Fatone, and David Justice were groomsmen.

Ribeiro. Smith. Fatone. Justice.

If there was ever a moment in history that would confuse me it would be the combo of The Fresh Prince, Fatone, and Justice all doing something together. But I get it; these are Ribeiro’s friends, and this shouldn’t weird me out as much as it does, however I just can’t shake it.

I want to see a picture of all these guys together. It seems like the most random pairing of all time. If anyone has this picture or tracks one down please send it to me asap.

Sorry Felix “first man ever to break the sound barrier” Baumgarten, Carlton Banks and his amazing friendship tree one upped you.

Seriously, someone send me a picture…

M. Knight drops "After Earth"

Random fact: I’ve been defending M. Knight Shyamalan for so many years that I started to lose street cred. I loved The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, The Village, and Signs so much that I forgave him for things that came after.

I try to forget the dark days of Lady in the Water, The Happening AKA Oh-my-God-this-can’t-be-happening-what-am-I-watching-what-is-Mark-Whalberg-doing-but-seriously-what-the-fuck-am-I-watching, and The Last Airbender movie. I give this guy a lot of credit for taking chances.

One would think that with his last three movies I’d be burned and never want to watch another movie of his ever again; even I kind of think so. But then he goes and drops a movie with Will Smith and his son and my hopes are once again somewhere in between The Village and Signs.

I’m so scared I’m going to be burned by M. Knight and I may regret saying this but… This movie looks and sounds fucking cool. Check out this poster that indicates almost nothing… but somehow I’m oddly excited. It hit the internet today.

 

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Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes - I will defend you forever.

Me talking to my girlfriend on August 5th:

Me: Hey, you know what I really want to see?

Her: What?

Me: Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes.

Her: Let’s do it.

Me: Those Apes look like they want to fuck something up.

August 6th:

We walk into the Arclight Cinema located here in Hollywood and about 2 hours later I was trying to figure out what just happened. How did I just get blindsided by complete awesomeness and not even know it. Was it the amazing arclight popcorn? Maybe. Odds are it was a combination of things; 1) great environment 2) the popcorn 3) the movie itself.

I remember when I saw Jurassic Park and gazing at the Brontosaurus for the first time, you know the moment when Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler hop out of the jeep mouths agape? Well, that’s basically how a bunch of the kids in the theater were when watching Apes, myself included. I’m not saying this is in the same ballpark as Jurassic Park, I’m just saying it had some moments that conjured up complete excitement.

I honestly think that Rise Of The Planet of the Apes is a movie that 13 year olds will remember and hopefully defend one day. When I say defend a movie I mean that when you hear a friend 10 years from now say “That movie was okay” it’s mandatory that you jump in and say “No dickhead, that movie is better than okay, and I’m here to defend the apes.”

There is a major component how this became an instant defendable movie, and it’s because it’s a movie that caught me (and others) off guard. I wanted to see the movie but I didn’t know how good it was. The one thing that can kill or make and movie great is expectations, you know when your friend see’s a film and talks it up like it’s the second coming then you see it and it isn’t as good because of expectations? Yeah, well I was the friend talking it up.

The expectation variable is so overlooked so many times when discussing film and engaging in arguments. The same argument could be used about professional athletes but I’m sticking to films for the moment. I got to thinking about movies that I hold in the:

Little to no expectations and I’ll defend to the death category:

The Sixth Sense: If you’re one of those people who say, “I knew the ending” I call you a liar and I would pay big money to hop into a DeLorean and watch it with you for the first time. When I saw this I was on a vacation in Denver and the family decided to see a movie. I didn’t choose this, everyone else did, but when I walked out I officially saw dead people and this moment sparked a never ending defending to M. Knight Shymalangagagagagagan.

American Pie: I was just about to start high school when this movie came out and it couldn’t have been much more entertaining than it was, 50 years later I’ll probably see the 4th installment which comes out some time soon. By the way American Pie was made for $11 million and made over $100 million (Domestic only).

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective: Undeniable classic. I don’t think a single human besides Jim Carrey and Dan Marino thought this movie was going to be good. It was better than good… I still quote it.

The Truman Show: Since we’re talking Jim Carrey I should bring this up. This was Carrey’s push into seriousness and he brought it. This movie is so relevant right now; I could actually see this happening in today’s entertainment environment.

The Other Guys: It’s hard to say there is a below the radar Will Ferrell / Mark Wahlberg movie but this was it. I saw this movie in a not so crowded theater and I may have been the loudest person laughing.

The Bourne Identity: This may seem ludicrous to think that Bourne had low expectations but I vividly remember nobody thought Good Will Hunting Damon was going to be James Bond 2.0 – but he was. Aside from Hunting this was the biggest game changer for Damon.

Taken: Since we’re talking Bourne, Taken would be how Jason Bourne is in 20 years with a family. Taken is the ultimate word of mouth movie, and here’s how you know:

Opening weekend: $24 Million

2nd Weekend: $20 Million  (-16.7% change in gross)

3rd Weekend: $18 Million  (-7.6% change in gross from 2nd weekend)

4th Weekend: $21 Million (+6.2% change from gross in 3rd weekend)

This is insane. For a movie to decrease by that small of a percentage each week is considered an accomplishment beyond accomplishments. THEN for it to increase in it’s 4th week is even more nuts - Not to mention it’s lone star power was Liam Neeson who isn’t exactly Will Smith.

Starship Troopers: At this point in life this movie is fucking terrible and maybe even laughable… But I’ll still defend Johnny Rico and him killing bugs.

Let Me In: Matt Reeves’ follow up to Cloverfield. If you haven’t seen this movie be prepared to be incredibly on edge.

 

I’ll stop there and remind you that Apes came out on DVD yesterday. If you haven’t seen it – see it. If you have seen it and want to talk poorly about it come find me so I can defend it like Cesar defending his Apes. Hail Cesar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Men In Black 3 and The Headache Poster

Big fan on Men in Black, not so much Men in Black 2. When I heard part 3 was coming out I was actually kind of excited, probably because I blanked out part 2. However, since the announcement of part 2 there have been many reported problems, specifically rewrites and trying to make Tommy Lee Jones look human. Some time this past week the poster for part 3 came out (below) and I have to admit after I woke up from the seizure it gave me I thought it looked pretty cool.

 

10 Really Bad Movie Trailers.

Lethal Weapon 3: What the hell is this? Joe Pesci has never been more annoying and I can already tell Rene Russo isn’t doing these stunts. You know a trailer is bad when you can tell it’s a body double… right?

Who cares, by this point in the game these movies generated enough money to pay Mel Gibson’s current legal fees.

Déjà vu:

I love you Denzel so this is tough but this is an interesting trailer and it’s not really anyone’s fault – not true, it’s someone’s fault and that someone is the writer of the trailer. There is this man named Don LaFontaine who passed away in 2008, and everyone has heard him at some point in their life. LaFontaine is best known for doing the voice over in movie trailers, in fact he did over 5,000. Thing is, this trailer is cheesy because of what DL had to say, I think if they just stuck to the music they would have been okay.

Side note: DL dominated movies in the 90’s. Before him there wasn’t much of a voice over presence and now it’s not even the same. Unfortunately it’s a tad cheesy at times but I would have paid a million dollar for him to read me a story. RIP Don LaFontaine.

Double Impact: Jean Claude Van Damme in all his early fighting glory. It burns my fingers a little write this but… well… it’s like this: The trailer opens with a close up a man seemingly dancing to generate music from the spurs on his boots. Also, the trailer proceeds to go on a Van Damme pun session that should be noted in the Guinness book of World Records. Wait, is this trailer actually awesome?

By the way, this is also the LaFontaine effect.

Mission to Mars:

Stupid trailer worse movie. This had so much going for it. What makes this trailer bad -The music. If you turn your back and just listen to the audio of this trailer it sounds like a swashbuckling Pirates of the Caribbean film that somehow morphs into Darth Vader breathing… try it.

Bad Boys 2:

I loved Bad Boys part 1 and truth be told I saw part 2 in theaters. But this trailers is so completely annoying and partially smug. How is a trailer smug you ask? Easy, these guys are so self aware of what they’re doing in this movie that it’s almost insulting.

Ghost Rider:

Really? We’re supposed to buy Nicholas Cage as a Marvel character? Okay, lets just say we did by Nick Cage as a Marvel guy, this trailer is filled with cheesy 1 liners and I can’t believe Eva Mendez is in this movie.

Abduction:

This Taylor Lautner movie didn’t do so well in the theaters and this trailer didn’t really help much. It looks so ridiculous that I can’t imagine someone whom isn’t a twilight fan seeing it.

The Majestic:

What happened Jim Carrey? I’ll tell you what happened… Carrey was snubbed during awards season for The Truman Show and then Man on the Moon. He was hell bent on being dramatic so he did… The Majestic. If memory serves me correctly, he passed on Phonebooth, which starred Colin Farrell, to do this movie.

This movie bombed and this trailer didn’t help. It’s trying to be an epic period piece so bad that it’s painful. This may be the most dramatic trailer ever.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine:

Um did I just see Wolverine fighting in the Civil War? Yup! Should have kept this out of the trailer because it’s the biggest load of bullshit in the history of X-men trailers.

Bowfinger:

Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin look so out of place it’s painful. But the real problem with this trailer is the song “Bang on My Drums” by Todd Rundgren. Cool song for children’s birthday parties, bad song for movie trailers.

All the cameos in the world couldn’t save this trailer.

Justin Timberlake

Today may be Harry Potter day but I thought I’d take a minute and discuss another former boy bander - Justin Timberlake (Yes, I know Daniel Radcliffe wasn’t in a band but he was on Broadway, so that may count as something) and the fact that he may be moving into leading man territory next week when he opens Friends With Benefits.

Next week marks a significant time in Timberlake’s acting career, he’s opening a movie as the lead male actor. “Who cares?” you may say… Well, I care, I say. Today when I saw the big billboard with Timberlake trying to look like the friend next door across from Mila Kunis (more on her in a minute) I asked if I was ready for him. Hollywood clearly is taking the musician JT paired up with the “Holy Shit is Timberlake really in a David Fincher film” steam and putting him in a movie that Ashton Kutcher is born to play… No Strings Attached reference.

I needed to do some reflection and ask if I had any beef with JT, no. I actually really like his music, and when he had dyed curly blonde hair I secretly liked some of his poppy NSYNC music. So why am I questioning this? Well, it’s because I hadn’t accepted JT the actor quite yet. Although he’s been in close to 10 films I still always pictured him as a performer on SNL, in digital shorts, singing on the ESPY’s, and looking at Janet’s boob.

So let me do what I’m best at, and that’s break down scenarios that not need to be broken down, thus essentially laying out what’s going to happen with JT’s career post next week. As I see it, 1 of 3 things will happen:

Scenario 1: Best Case Scenario

The movie opens to good reviews, and not only does the movie open to good reviews but Timberlake has good reviews, and especially with his Kunis chemistry. Along with the good reviews the movie makes roughly 30 million and thus gives insta solidification to the idea that JT can be leading man in a movie.

From here he does a few more films with solid directors (next film is with Andrew Niccol aka a great director) and then re-enters leading man role in a comedy, then eventually moves to serious.

In this best-case scenario he takes on the career of former musicians turned actors: Frank Sinatra, Mark Wahlberg, and Will Smith. JT will one day look back at the time when he was second fiddle and occasionally dabble back in music making him the ultimate double threat to music and film. Of course he will produce, direct, and probably write something in the future.

The Big Ol’ Asterisk of this Best Case Scenario: Today is Harry Potter day and it doesn’t seem like this train is slowing down. On top of that, Potter has competition in the form of Captain America, which opens along with Friends with Benefits. What this means is JT’s movie is going to open at #3… that’s right, 3.

Opening Friends with Benefits is some kind of brilliance or a blatant slap saying “Hey we know you aren’t going to open #1 at the box office so we’ll just throw you into the mix of the 2 biggest movies of the summer.” Either way the best case is that this movie opens at #3 with 30 million.

Last thing on this – if it does open to 30 million then that means this weekend will most likely be one of the biggest opening weekends ever. Best Case.

Scenario 2: Worst Case Scenario

The movie opens to poor reviews and totally bombs. We hear that JT can’t open a movie and the in film chemistry is on par to Madonna and Banderas in Evita. The movie opens with 8 million and falls behind Potter, Captain America, this week’s Winnie the Pooh, and next week’s indie sleep Another Earth.

We all make jokes about this movie but ultimately wipe it from our memories and Timberlake needs to continuously take on rolls in the supporting world, makes another (good) album, and goes back to SNL to save face. His career would mirror former musician turned actors: Henry Rollins, Lance Bass, Bon Jovi, and Sting.

We will only see JT as a supporting role.

Scenario 3: Most Probable Scenario

The movie opens to mild reviews, as does JT’s acting performance. The movie generates roughly 20 million (very respectable) and still opens behind Potter and America. The catch with this scenario is that we can’t really get a gauge on what JT can do and is capable of – the thinking is as followed:

“He opened a movie during the heart of the summer and still managed to pull 20 million. We think we can still bank on him so lets toss him in another romantic comedy and see how he does… Um, who is available… Jennifer Aniston?”

This scenario is open ended because we don’t know what will happen, and this is precisely why this is genius to open this movie on this day. It’s a lock to make some money but if it doesn’t we can blame so many other factors.

JT will get many more opportunities to prove himself and eventually re-assert himself in the leading man role. For a while he’ll be like other musician turned actors: David Bowie, Ice Cube, LL Cool J, and Mos Def. But he’ll eventually come into his own.

One of the above will happen next week; we just need to wait on the reviews.

Final few things about JT – He’s doing his best to define himself as himself and move away from the musician of it all. I don’t know if it’s just me but I always find the “musician turned actor” less believable unless you’re the minority in Marky Mark, The Fresh Price, and Old Blue Eyes. So I need to respect what’s happening here in his career, because up until now he hasn’t really done anything too commercial (and yes I know he was in The Social Network).

JT surrounds himself with good people. Will Gluck directs Friends with Benefits who did the hit Easy A, and he’s paired with rising star Kunis. Mila basically has everything going for her right now – Black Swan, Sarah Marshall, Family Guy, Denzel movie nobody saw, and she dated Macaulay Culkin… Come on.

Lastly, he’s no fool. He clearly knows what he’s doing and makes very educated decisions about his next step in his career and apparently he’s good at what he’s doing. The simple fact that he was in The Social Network gives him actor street cred immediately. But that’s the thing with JT, we’ve only seen snippets of him, not a full 90 minutes of him… at least not yet.

So, next week, as you go see Harry Potter for the second time or check out Captain America just remember that the musical George Clooney (tons of chicks, isn’t slowing down) is going to open his first film and this will be the spark as to what will happen next. Although I’m nowhere close to sold on JT, I actually have faith that he’s going to do a great job and we’ll one day forget that he was a singer… until he does his Sinatra comeback tour.