Greatest Basketball Story Ever: Magic Johnson

I just finished watching “The Announcement” on ESPN. It revisited the time when Magic Johnson had announced he was HIV positive and the massive ripple effect it had on the world. Yes, the world, not just sports. I’m not going to get into the impact that The Announcement had because I think we already kind of get it.

Instead, I need to tell a story. It’s a story that I’ve told roughly 1,583 times and I will continue to tell until I can’t talk anymore. It’s a story that I literally don’t care how much time I take telling it because I love it so much. It’s a story that will grow and I’ll be making my grandchildren listen to me as I reminisce with a tear in my eye while exaggerating every moment by 100. It’s a moment that was written in my journal as incoherent blabber and random flashes because I couldn’t hold a thought. As far as I’m concerned it’s the greatest basketball story of all time.

- The Time I Played Basketball With Magic Johnson - Pre Game:

It was a weekday in the afternoon and my friend Evan aka “The Swed” called me to play some basketball at 24-hour fitness in Hollywood. Good thing we work in the entertainment industry because that translates to: Our afternoons are completely free because we didn’t have jobs at the time. Anyway, he picked me up in his old school pick up truck and we proceeded to head to the indoor court.

We played ball there pretty regularly, I probably would look back at this period of my life and say I was in my basketball prime, which isn’t saying much, but Its something. We were comfortable in the gym; it wasn’t one of those places you’ve never played before so you’re reluctant to hop in a game. We were at the point that when we walked in we’d see familiar faces and would be able to jump into a game pretty easily. Fortunately for us when we walked in there weren’t many guys so we called “next game.”

We assembled a team of random guys and when the current game ended we were ready to go. It was typical as usual and the scattered play of gym basketball was in full force. I specifically remember feeling pretty good that day and my buddy Swed seemed to be on his shit to. I always felt bad for Swed because he’s roughly 6’3 so everyone expected him to play under the basket like he’s Shaq but in reality he had a really good jump shot. Any time he wanted the ball passed to him everyone would force him under the basket, where… I might say he’s not at his most comfortable (Sorry Swed!) But on this particular day… he was feeling it.

Not sure if it was our fresh legs but we were rolling. Our team was leading 7-4 (the game plays up to 11 by 1 and 2 point shots). Somehow the other team started to chip it’s way back into the game…

7-5: No problem we’re still winning.

8-5: We’re going to win!

8-6: We’re good.

8-7: Fuck it’s 8-7!

I could sense our team feeling a little un-easy and the play was getting sloppy, and then it happened…

At the far end of the gym a guy walked in that had a presence of a human who probably won 5 NBA championships and 3 MVP’s. In about 6 seconds everyone’s heads turned and Magic Johnson was in the building. Swed came up to me and said, “Dude, that’s Magic Johnson” I said, “I know!” He put his bags down and went to a side hoop with his friend to start shooting.

Meanwhile we had a close game to finish but nobody could focus. I think there was an understanding that Magic could potentially say he wanted to play. Holy shit! In the blink of an eye my current game was tied 9 – 9. I seriously don’t remember what happened or how it got there. I was to focused on looking really fucking cool in front of Magic by making sound bounce passes.

Suddenly, the basketball Gods spoke as we heard Magic say: “I have next game.”

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Okay, it’s official. Magic Johnson has next game. So, what does this mean? It means that whomever WINS this game stays on the court and plays against Magic. Suddenly I felt like I was playing for Willy Wonka’s golden ticket, and to add to the moment, Wonka, I mean Magic, was just staring at us on the sidelines sizing up his future competition.

At this point the game score was 10-10. First team to 11 wins. I repeat, first team to 11 wins.

Our ball. Like I said I was having a good game so I dribbled the ball up court, passed it to someone and then ran around like white guys do in pick up basketball, and then the ball came back to me. I was holding the basketball that would potentially send us into the next game - this was my moment.

I dribbled to the right and had a step on my guy – I noticed Magic looking at me, probably thinking “He reminds me of me” or he was actually thinking, “Hurry up white dude.” I flew to the basket in suspended reality and suddenly realized I had an open lay up, I can win this game! Directly to my right I see Swed flying next to me probably going to get my rebound (if there is one) in anticipation of me going in for the lay up.

I know I just said that time was suspended but I’m not kidding… God had actually slowed things down for me.

I’m up in the air going for the basket… A few guys next to me jump but I know I can lay it in if I need to… I still see Swed to my right… I know Magic is watching… I can make this… But… Wait… Magic is looking at me! I’m not going to score the game-winning basket, I’m going to facilitate just like him!

I proceed to pull the ball back and toss it backwards behind my body to Swed flying in. I think it’s the greatest pass of all time. My logic at the time was: Since I have these people up in the air, I’m going to pass it to Swed for an easy lay up and we’re playing Magic in basketball.

The moment kept moving and I passed the ball and for a second I thought we were going to win, then another second passed and I realized that I missed Swed completely and threw the ball out of bounds. Wait, what? Yes, I threw the ball out of bounds in front of everyone. The other team picks up the ball very quickly and runs down the court to score the game-winning basket. We just lost.

What the fuck just happened?

The other team celebrated like I was planning to. Magic’s assembled team came on the court and proceeds to play against … well, who cares because it wasn’t me. Swed and I were left to mope on the sidelines. Many Many Apologizes:

People had filed in to watch Magic play basketball, we tried to get into the next game but it was hopeless, everyone had announced they wanted next, next after next, and so on. To top it off Magic had said: “I have one game in me.” This was horrible. Swed and I sat with our backs to the wall watching Magic Johnson play basketball directly in front of us. On any other day just the sight of him playing would have been enough, but knowing I just blew the opportunity to play against him was like watching my girlfriend happily hook up with my best friend in front of me… it sucked.

Swed said, “Hallman, I thought you were gonna lay it up.”

Me: “Me too, but then I thought I’d toss you a great pass.”

It wasn’t a great pass and I knew I fucked up. We sat there sweaty and depressed watching Magic smiling in his street clothes torching people in a gym, and then like Magic Johnson’s vote into the All Star game in 1992 we were given a glimmer of hope. Some random dude who we didn’t know but were facially familiar with came up to us.

“Hey, my buddies aren’t coming and I only got 2. You guys want in the next game with me?”

“YES.”

And just like that we were back in, we had next game, but we needed to bank on two things going our way.

1) Magic’s team had to win, which in our minds was inevitable.

2) Magic had to be swayed into sticking around another game.

As Magic’s game was going we could tell his team was winning and Swed and I were on a side hoop warming up. I wasn’t doing much talking; just hoping Magic plays the next game… and secretly building up my confidence to be awesome on a basketball court.

His game finished, and of course his team won. Everyone on the court went to shake his hand and the new team (my team) walked onto the court asking him to stick around another game. Magic had a big ol’ smile on his face and said he’d play another, and when I heard that I looked to Swed and nearly kissed him out of happiness. Magic said he was instantly ready to go, which translates to: We’re playing right now.

As we were pairing up with which guys we’re going to cover, the dude who asked us to play came up to us and said, “My friends are here.” Huh? I said “Okay” and then the friends assumed they were going to play, one even said “You can have next game.”

Okay – typically I’m a pretty nice guy in these situations and try to find a happy medium, but I knew in the back of my head there was no fucking way I was leaving that court. I don’t even think Swed acknowledged the guy. I ended up telling one of the guys, “Dude, we’re not leaving.” At this moment I think I would have actually fought to stay on the court and fortunately these guys had 2 things working against them.

1) It’s poor pick up game etiquette to pull this late arrival shit.

2) Magic was ready to go, he didn’t care who was going to play, he just wanted to play, and on a court you listen to Magic Johnson – it was go time.

So we stayed on the court. Game time with MAGIC JOHNSON!

Truth be told, I don’t remember as much as I should from this game but remember odd specifics -

I remember that Magic had singled out a Asian kid on his team to be his go to man and I was slightly jealous of that, I remember Swed’s height allowed him to GUARD Magic (lucky bastard), I remember I missed my first shot and was scared Magic was judging my decision making, I remember everyone on both teams tried to be fancy, I remember Magic doing a behind the back pass and everyone being faked out and really happy we were faked out, I remember the 20 plus people who filed in to watch the game, I remember the looks of the 2 friends whose spots we took, but most importantly I remember “The Play.”

Although “The Play” is not a recognized moment in basketball history, I may argue that it should be.

The Play:

Magic took a few dribbles towards the hoop from the 3-point line then backed off a little. Everyone was running around being insanely proactive. Magic passed the ball to Asian Kid and he eventually passed it back to Magic. Magic started to dribble to the hoop and in unselfish fashion he proceeded to pass the ball behind his back. Only thing he didn’t know is that my adrenaline was rushing like I was on a Red Bull bender and I telegraphed his pass. I jumped right in front of the guy he was passing to and stole the ball.

I immediately dribbled the ball and started sprinting down the court to my hoop with one guy to beat currently backpedaling and about 15 feet ahead of me. Here’s the thing I need to clarify; I’m a stereotypical white guy on the basketball court. I feel much more comfortable shooting a jump shot than I do trying to make a contested lay up, because I always seem to screw up or look funny when I have a contested anything. Usually I’m okay with looking stupid but when you just stole a pass from the greatest point guard of all time and he’s suddenly running behind you, not to mention a road block of a dude in front of you, you can get a little nervous.

Somewhere in this moment there is a metaphor for life, I’m still kind of searching for it, but it was the perfect set up for exposing weakness. I had no choice but to face this head on because if I didn’t I would’ve had to banish myself from being a Man in the human race.

I dribbled towards the guy in front of me… I got closer to the basket… I was going fast… Suddenly the guy did another stereotypical white guy move and stood still with his hands in the air daring me to charge into him. On any given day I would have pulled up for a jumper but I channeled my inner Bob Cousy and made the greatest move of all time:

I faked right with the ball then dribbled left, the guy brought his hand down to swat the ball and somehow he missed, I suddenly had a step on him and I was going towards the basket. The guy jumped towards me as I was going up with the ball and in mid air I contorted my body and went under the hoop for a reverse lay up. If felt perfect, the ball left my hand and by the time my momentum carried me to the other side of the hoop I looked up to see the ball effortlessly falling in. HOLY SHIT!

I didn’t know what I just did but it felt awesome and I reacted as though I do it all the time. As I turned to run up the court Magic “the greatest point guard of all time” Johnson patted me on the back and said “Good Move.”

I knew at that moment I could retire from pick up basketball a happy man, and I think I almost did, but we still had a game to play.

The Finale:

It may sound unbelievable but we were winning. Swed was playing pretty well, I hit a few more shots and we found ourselves with a nice cushion, that cushion faded quickly when Magic decided to take things into his own hands and drop back to back 2-pointers to bring the game to within 1. The score was 10-9, and once again we were playing first to 11. We ran down the floor and missed our shot… Shit! In my mind I was thinking we might have just blown the chance to beat Magic.

As Magic dribbled down the court I wondered what he would do, would he pull up for another 2 pointer and end this thing? But then he did the second most unbelievable thing of the day and something that’s essentially banned during a pick up game. He dropped the ball and said, “Time out.”

Time out? Who calls Time out during a pick up game? I guess Magic Johnson, that’s who, and who would stop him? He proceeded to huddle his team together and draw up a play!

As he was drawing up his play everyone just kind of looked at each other thinking, can he call a time out?

He broke the huddled and we resumed. There was constant movement but you could tell the play was screwed immediately because Magic was visibly frustrated. He tried to find an open man… he couldn’t. Standing roughly 3 feet behind the 3-point line he casually took things into his own hands and put up another 2-point shot. Swoosh. Game Over. 11-10. Magic won. Post Game:

Immediately handshakes were exchanged and Magic packed his things up and left. Everyone sat in awe at what just happened. I proceeded to tell Swed about the pat on my back and comment he gave me. He didn’t care because he had his own story, but I didn’t care about that either… So we were basically just talking to ourselves…

As we drove home we were crazy.

As I went into my apartment I told every human I could.

I finally chilled out a little as everything sunk in. Hands down the greatest basketball day of my life. He was the nicest guy ever.

I know there is only one thing that can happen to this story: It’s going to be vastly exaggerated over time. But, I don’t care. As long as I mention the game, the play, and the Magic time out - then I know I’ve done justice.

As I watched “The Announcement” I contemplated making a documentary of my own called “The Play” … I wonder if I could get Magic? Honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if he did it and then pretended to know what I was talking about. The guy is awesome, and not just on a basketball level. For the few moments I was around him he was nothing but genuine and probably very happy to leave everyone with a good memory… It’s basically how he left everyone in the NBA.

Final stats of the game:

3-6 with 3 points … I think. Ask me this in a few years and it will be 5-7 with 8 points.

The mystery that is Aloe Vera.

It’s time we as people embrace one common fact – When you have a sunburn, telling someone that Aloe Vera works isn’t a new thing. In fact, we all know this. I think I’ve known about Aloe Vera since the age of negative 6, but when you have sunburn you inevitably have everyone around you tell you about this mystery substance that’s comparable to flubber.

Case in point: I went canoeing yesterday at big bear with my good friends Peter and Dan (side note about this… see below). As we hop on the canoe Dan is applying sunscreen, he asks “he do you want some?” I say “yes, I’ll grab it in a minute” and of course I never grab the sunscreen.

TIME LAPSE: Sun…Sun…Water…Sun…Fun…Sun…

Our fun at Big Bear ends and we come home, where I see my face and it’s tomato red. Dammit (By the way Dan has a great tan). I know I need to do something to combat my red face so I proceed to head to CVS pharmacy to pick up some Aloe Vera, why? Well, it’s simple – Aloe has been pumped in my mind by anyone and everyone post sunburn for years, if I’ve retained one piece of knowledge in my life it’s the benefits of Aloe Vera.

Next Morning:

Called my mom – “Mom I got burnt at big bear…”

Mom: “Oh honey, you know what you need? Aloe Vera. I literally once dripped the Aloe plant onto my sunburn and it worked right away.

Get to work:

Random buddy: “Bro, nice sunburn, you know what you need? Aloe Vera. Try that banana boat stuff.”

Another person:

“Oh, Josh you should get some Aloe Vera. But not the stuff with the alcohol, just the regular stuff.”

You get the point. So, to all you people who are going to suggest Aloe to anyone under the age of 10… don’t. We already know. Unless you know about the really good Aloe Vera, then tell all of us.

Side note from above: Check out www.intransit.tv for Pete and all great things travel. Next trip is canoeing down the Mississippi…

The Art Of Procrastination

Meet Tim. Tim’s your average 20 something guy who just got a new job doing admin work for a large bike company. One of his duties is to write a report for his company, in this case his report is to track the emergence of bike stores in a 3 city radius and if any of these bike stores are similar to his company. Tim’s initial reaction:

“Well this is boring as shit.”

A familiar reminder sneaks up on Tim, he needs a job, and the reality is the report will take about 35 minutes if he just focuses and gets his work done. 35 minutes is perfect because his game is going to start at 7:30, that gives him more than 3 hours to do this. Plenty of time to finish, grab food, and relax for the night…

4:14 – Tim sits down at his computer. Opens Microsoft Word and starts to type “Bike Stores…” Stops, changes his font to make it larger. Thinks about using bold, stops and stares at his screen – he then clicks on the little Firefox web browser at the bottom open the internet and look into new bike stores.

4:20 – Opens a website for bike stores, this website allows you to Facebook “Like” what you’re looking at. Shit, that reminds him… Facebook.

4:21 – Facebook browsing. Oh wow, Michelle uploaded new photos from last night – lets check em’ out for a minute.

22 minutes Later Tim has just looked at Steve, Michelle, Leslie, Matt, Phil, and Chris’ facebook pictures. He chimed in on 3 conversations and “liked” the movie Speed at some point in between. He’s back to reading about bike shops.

4:45 – Microsoft Word is opened and Tim is writing his first line of his first paragraph, he’s just learned about some bike shops that are growing which is perfect because this can be a key to his entire report. He’s moving, he’s on to his second… third… now forth sentence. Wait, damn. A big green line just came under his fourth sentence, it say’s he should have used a “ ; ” (semicolon) and not a ” , “ (comma) for about 2 minutes he wonders what the “ ; “ sign is anyway, and he restructures the sentence because he thinks commas make his look smarter.

4:53 – That comma threw him off. Tim is standing now, pacing, getting ready to write. But, he’s hungry and could use a snack.

4:54 – Looking through the cabinets – Not something heavy or greasy because he’s typing. Look in the fridge – then freezer – the cabinets again. Ah! Pita chips!

5:01 – Sitting back at the computer, munching on some pita chips, they’re so good. Tim reads the nutritional facts, after reading the facts they taste even better. He reclines back a bit because he doesn’t want to get crumbs on his keyboard.

5:04 – Okay ready to get back to work. He stretches and cracks both sides of his back, stares at his computer screen for a bit. Damn, he should have got water with the pita chips.

5:06 – Apple juice is sitting next to him, he decided against water. Okay, time to work on the report.

5:11 – A sound goes off on his lower right hand corner, it sounds like a bird whistle. Oh yeah! Tim signed up for Twitter last week and installed Tweetdeck on his computer, he hasn’t changed the settings yet but when he is @mentioned then he gets the noise. He opens tweet deck – Damn! Is Charlie Sheen really talking about warlocks again? Oh wait, who mentioned me? Oh, it was Phil!

5:25 – Tim finally has constructed the best 140 character retort to Phil he could think of, so funny… he hopes. Wait, can Phil sense sarcasm via twitter? Yeah of course he can.

5:31 – Redid the Phil tweet.

5:32 – Lets see what James Franco posted on yfrog.

31 minutes pass and Tim could tell you the location of Judd Apatow and Kathy Griffin. They’re 3,000 miles apart - Twitter told him. He silences his computer, no more tweet deck noises.

6:03 - Focus, okay. Looking over the Trek website, then Specialized. Tim’s getting his info he needs, starting to get into his groove but is having some problems finding certain specifics – Oh wait, his blackberry is beeping that red light… ignore it. Tim grabs his blackberry. Text from his buddy, Blake Griffin did what!?

6:10 – Youtube time. Apparently Black Griffin had some crazy dunk. Tim finds it. Holy shit, the dunk was pretty nuts. Next to the 12 second video he’s watching there is a link “LeBron James dunks” he’s just gonna watch one video.

14 minutes later it dawns on Tim that he’s not as far as he thought on his report. We’re approaching 6:30 and he’s not even half way. Okay, that’s fine. He’ll jam this out, not to mention he can miss just the first few minutes of the game.

6:24 – Tim’s stuck. No progress. Wait, what exactly is this report about? Does it even need to be in the form of a report? He wonders if he can just write back and say not enough info, and come back to it later? He’s checking.

6:32 – Damn, there is enough info, he checked. He’s wondering why he didn’t utilize the info he just looked at.

6:35 – Slight progress. Just one problem, the new JJ Abrams film released a new trailer today, he’s gotta watch it.

6:38 – That was awesome.

6:39 – Working, sort of.

6:41 – I should check my email.

For the next 28 minutes, after checking work emails and personal emails, Tim enters a mini crisis. What am I doing with myself? He realizes this isn’t even the job he wants, he should be doing something better and noble like saving the world or something. He’s wondering if he’s over reacting. Wait, Tim can work through this, he’s mentally strong enough. He remembers how much this job pays and it gives him a lot of free time. Okay, okay, he tells himself he’s okay. He just needs to do some push ups to get the blood flowing.

50 push-ups, 2 headstands, and partial yoga he once was taught, and an added 11 minutes Tim is somewhat rejuvenated. But he’s tired. He once heard that Aaron Sorkin has to shower to get his mojo going, he needs to clean off his bad energy. Good idea. Time to take a quick rinse.

7:35 – Shit! The game is just getting going and Tim is drying off. He better rush this because he’s gotta see this game, he hates to Tivo it.

7:50 – Tim has 4 paragraphs, he’s about halfway done, and his eyes are burning the clock on his computer. He’s wondering where they are in the game, and reminds himself this is a HUGE game

7:53 – A skype message pops up, Tim always keeps skype and AIM open. His next-door neighbor messaged him:

“Dude! You watching this?”

“Not yet”

“Want to come over for a beer?”

Tim knows that was the kiss of death. He evaluates where he is in his report knowing that he’s about halfway, maybe he can finish the other half after the game? Yeah, it shouldn’t take to long.

Tim heads over to his buddies, leaving his computer screen open as a constant reminder to get his work done when he returns home.

10:40 – Game is over. 4 beers consumed. Tim sits on his computer and checks out espn.com for highlights of the crazy game he just watched. He notices the small W representing Microsoft word – Damn.

In a moment of mental desperation he convinces himself that he can finish this in the morning. Even if he doesn’t finish this in the morning he’ll do it at work, it doesn’t need to be turned in until about 3, he’s about half way done so it should only take about 15 minutes. It’s the perfect plan.

The cruise from hell? What?

“It’s nothing like anyone expected,” said passenger David Zambrano. “You stand in line for two hours just to get your food because everybody goes to the same place to pick up their food. Then once you get your food, you look for something to do. People are playing cards. People are standing around, just kind of talking. They’re getting to socialize.”

Um… after reading that quote things don’t seem that bad? Did a someone just make a big deal out of socializing?

That quote above is from a passenger of The Carnival cruise ship that’s broken down 55 miles off the coast of Punta San Jacinto. It’s currently been out to Sea for the past 3 days. This all started with a engine fire which stalled the boat and eventually led to the failure of all electricity. The ship is currently being pulled by tugboats to the San Diego area where they will unload to safety.

We shouldn’t be surprised by this but the media is having a field day with this. Last night the tug boat’s pulled the ship within a cell phone reception area and the moment that happen practically everyone on the ship began calling their loved ones, friends….and errr, the media. Once this hits the media it’s over, this is basically being talked about as though Jack Dawson is on board and this is officially Titanic part 2.

As we know, if something falters even for a second we need to polarize it and milk it for all we can. Before we know it these passengers are going to be writing their own books about courage on the water. Anyway, I digress…

The main issues that have been pointed out is that 1) there is no electricity 2) they didn’t have working toilets for a day and 3) they could only eat “cold” food. Those are the issues. Yup. There have been no fights, no passengers going over board, no captains losing their shit, just plain old lack of electricity and cold food with a little backed up toilet.

This whole thing has been summed up with the quote above, it’s been called a “nightmare.” Carnival is about to get the Domino’s treatment.

The good news is that everyone is alright, the bad news is everyone is stretching for a story here. If the best we can do is to discuss the issue of socializing we may have a week of horrible Carnival stories. This may be a good time to book your next cruise.

Read up more on this HERE.

Short Story Sunday: Desert Talk

I just finished meditating on a massive red rock overlooking dry landscape, I was walking out of a conversation I was having with myself. I looked at my watch, 2pm. I was slightly distracted because a bee that wanted to crevice itself in my ear managed to stalk me for the majority of the afternoon. As I left my own conversation, I noticed an oddly shaded cloud that looked as if it was coming to engulf me, but it turned out that it was a cloud of thunder and rain pursuing it’s own objectives.

I came to Joshua Tree, California with my friends Alex and Brent, and while this massively unexpected cloud passed I looked for them through the dry heat. We all came here not knowing what to expect, we all had an idea that we may find one particular tree named Joshua but instead we were pleasantly surprised thousands of Joshua’s scattered around us. One thing we did have an agreement on was that we were coming here to reflect on ourselves.

It’s a spoken and unspoken word that when man ventures into the desert certain aspects about themselves becomes clear. These aspects show themselves at any time, and typically you find yourself wrapped in your own head thinking about you, your family, situations, and what could have been.

As I walked looking for the two I kept thinking about myself, I’m currently at a crossroads in my life. I live in a city that perpetuates confusion and I have an ambition that promotes creativity. I find myself jumping constantly from one thing to the next getting lost in the shuffle just to stay afloat. Many times I take on a new job and focus my attention towards elsewhere, all while neglecting my main objective, my situation and the people who surround me often negatively takes it toll.

I look down at my shoes, why didn’t I wear socks? I’m now climbing up a hill looking for Alex, a part of me wants to yell but I don’t want to disrupt nature, so I’ll keep quiet. I realize I’m aimlessly walking and I have no water, I’m getting tired and I need to drink something. The heat is also taking it’s toll on me, I’m now starting to wonder if the cloud I just saw was actually a rain cloud or if I was just seeing things. How long was I meditating on that rock for? I look at my watch, 3:18pm

I go on wondering if Alex and Brent are together or if they are looking for me. Suddenly, a familiar foe shows up, the bee. A sudden buzz shoots past my head, I stop in my place like an animal ready to attack, it flirts with various parts of my face- as it does SMACK - My gut reaction was to swat and I shot the bee somewhere to the ground, after a moment I finally recognized it laying on the ground mixed in with some dirt. I kept on my way.

I was making my way up hill, when I got to the top I knew it would open my vision to more landscape and hopefully point out someone. I had some worries set in because Alex had the car keys that had a apple and my water, I tried to keep my mind off both.

When I reached the top I saw no Alex, no Brent, just more earth. I was tired, and I had to sit down. As I sat there I thought more about my situation and how I could remedy it, I know what has to be done, I know what I want, and it’s just not happening. The feeling of my life started to set in and it wasn’t feeling good. Typically I’m a optimist and am able to weather any storm but have I met my match? Has life put me here to realize that I may be reaching my breaking point of what I can tolerate? I took a deep breath, stood up and continued to look.

I decided to back track a bit so I wouldn’t get too far off course. I noticed a series of stacked rocks all around me, they were too perfect to be mistakenly stacked, and someone before me must have done it. I wonder if it was Alex or Brent? For whatever reason I decided to stack a few more rocks making the stack up to my waste, I found it interesting because it was like a Jenga puzzle of nature, how or when would it fall?

Now I’m starting to need water, my mouth has gathered saliva around the outside. I start to laugh because I realize this trip to the desert is typical. Some guy who needs water can’t find it, I’ve willfully adhered to the moron in the desert. I couldn’t help but laugh. And it was just at that moment the next prototype of desert activity happened – “Buzzzzzzz.”

It’s back, but it had to be a mirage, the stalking desert bee was back. No way, first off I don’t think bees exist in the desert and second I killed it, maybe it was a friend of the bee? I heard when they die they send out a distress signal, I wish I had that power because right now I’m confused. I let the bee go, it just buzz’s, around and around my head. Again, it’s stalking me. Again I look at my watch, 5:12pm

Finally I’ve had it, I’m almost in tears, I stop. In my mind this is just icing for the cake. I’ve come here to look for clarity and I’m confused as ever, I can’t find anyone and I’m desperate. Apparently my real life has bled into my desert life, I can’t help but think it’s just me. Maybe I’m wired to be this way, always wondering and always confused about what exactly I’m doing. This very idea upsets me but maybe it’s something I should embrace.

I take a few more deep breathes with the bee circling my head, I look into the sky and all I can think about is conceding to the idea of needing help. I now know it, this is what my trip to the desert was for, it was for me to realize I’m confused and I need help. I’m not as strong as I once thought I was. Is my weakness something I can truly accept? Why can’t this just work out as I planned? I should be drinking my damn water by now!

It was at that exact breaking point I saw something. That something was Alex, he was about 500 yards away coming from another massive hill. In my most casual way I pointed at Alex as if I knew he would be walking towards me and he pointed back. I wondered where Brent was but I really didn’t care, I was just happy to see someone.

I sat on a rock while Alex made his journey over to me, as I sat a whirl of emotions took me over.

The bee, I didn’t hear it buzzing, was it gone? I suddenly did break into a few tears and my mind started to speak like it wasn’t me. I mentally had just put together a puzzle and a sense of relief came over me. I started to connect me looking at Alex and felt it wasn’t Alex, it was me. I just went on a journey.

The bee was a nuisance and I swatted it but it came back. The man made Jenga rocks, they were just being, and I added my touch to it. The cloud of rain was pleasant but brief. My path I just walked was long but eventually what I was looking for showed itself. Everything I just did was necessary to get to what I needed. My off course walk was long, winding, hot, and completely necessary.

My thoughts of mental weakness suddenly were alleviated and my need for water was slightly quenched. Just as I was about to submit to weakness my goal that I was looking for showed itself. It then became clearer that everything was existing on their own, it was my reaction which affected me, not them.

I sat a moment longer and wondered if I was over analyzing. I didn’t care, because this was my experience and this is what I wanted. I felt renewed in my life ventures. I thought life should not be dictated by your surroundings or what bothers you, the only thing that should dictate my life is myself.

As Alex approached he casually said:

“Good to see you, I got a little lost back there”

“Me too”

“It was definitely a little adventure”

“Yup”

Neither of us knew where Brent was but we made our way to the car. When we finally got there Brent was waiting.

Alex clicked open his car door and we all took our time grabbing the water.

Longest Short Story

Wait, What?

My girlfriend Jill has officially taken the lead she’s about 5 steps ahead but I’m slowly drifting further behind. Waiting for the two of us is Phyllis, a nice older woman who smiles as her hands rest on her hips. Seeing Phyllis I get a little nervous I wonder how I can bail out of my situation. I think that I’m a few steps behind Jill so maybe I can run and say I’m sick, but I realize that won’t work I’ve already smiled at Phyllis. Dammit, this is it, I’m getting closer and I’m about to come face to face with fear. That face is in the form of a nice old lady.

“Hello, I’m Phyllis.”

“Hi, I’m Josh and this is Jill.”

“Josh and I are really excited to see the apartment.” Said Jill.

It’s official. The communication has been established. The nice old lady who’s acting manager at the Sweetzer Apartments has just become my obstacle. She’s been in communication with my girlfriend for a few days and she has a “great apartment.” My girlfriend knows I need space and she clearly used that to her advantage, she found a place with ample room and two bedrooms. She knows I’m dying for a office and the second bedroom would be just that, Jill knows know so much about me but also knows so little about me, it’s funny how that works.

I currently live in a studio apartment and although I’m extremely cramped I would consider myself content. I’ve been discussing moving in with my girlfriend for months now and I’ve always figured out a way to dodge the subject when she brings it up. For some reason she can’t understand that being a 24 year old male means I’m afraid to make various commitments. I’m afraid to move in because I’d feel as though I’m about to start a future with someone who isn’t me. That’s not to say I don’t love her, it just means I love a lot of stuff she may not be able to coexist with.

My coexisting fears are about to get toyed with because I decided not too run 30 seconds ago. As I look at my girlfriend smiling towards Phyllis all I can think is that if Phyllis knew how I felt she’d have sympathy on me and tell us someone already rented the apartment. I wonder if Phyllis has a husband because maybe he can relate with me, I’d give him the man look and by some form of telepathy he’d understand everything. I wish there was a guy here.

We enter the spacious place and yes it’s nice. As my girlfriend looks around at the walls I immediately make my way to the office and bedroom. It’s been bugging me Jill keeps calling it a two bedroom apartment because she knows I want a office, then I hear Phyllis say:

“Two huge bedrooms.”

No, it’s my office, but I get it and Phyllis doesn’t know. As I look around I can’t help but admit that I like it. However I have to ask myself what I’m doing with myself right now. Since I’m feeling these issues and insecurities in my relationship something is off right? Something can’t be right. Looking at Jill I know I love her, she’s great but why am I so hesitant to move in with her. Am I feeding into the stereotype that men hate commitment? On top of all of this I have to ask myself why am I not able to split up with my girlfriend if I needed too? Or am I?

Jill is gushing about the greatness of where we are, little old Phyllis hands her two applications and the two continue to talk about nonsense, I stand off to the side with a dumb smile on my face. I start to recollect all of the older men who have told me to enjoy my youth. They’ve told me to take advantage of moments in my late teens to early 20’s. I’ve always thought I was but now that I think about it, am I? Should I be aimlessly sleeping around with women and making decisions I am going to regret tomorrow. I think that if it’s about regret than I have that area locked because I have a feeling I may regret some things if I sign that lease.

Phyllis looks to me with a huge smile and tells me it was great to meet me, of course she reminds me it’s a 30 dollar fee to process my application.

We’re heading back to Jill’s place and silence sits on my end, Jill can’t stop gushing, every word she speaks starts to press on my chest like a weigh has fallen on me. I realize I’d feel comfortable moving in with Jill if I didn’t have to sign anything, I’d rather have the option to bail at any moment, but the 3 syllable word rings in my ear…

Com-mit-ment.

We’re parking and while I walk to retrieve some material from the trunk I see a dark featured woman walking my way. She is beautiful and my double take has turned to a triple take. Then, since I realize Jill is standing next to me it’s okay if I say hi, because it’s almost as if I’m saying hi from the both of us.

“Hello!” I say.

Her radiating smile gleams back to me, “Hi!” she says.

Oh my God she was beautiful, who is this girl? She’s going to her car and I may want another peek and her. If I wasn’t such a nice guy that may have seemed weird, but Jill knows me better, and I’ll say Hi to a dog if it passes. Thus far I’m in the clear with my pleasantry. Although I generally greet people this was different, I think this girl and I just shared something. Between me closing the trunk, her walking to her car, and Jill talking about the 2 bedroom (office) I think that if this were a fairy tale I may get to know this princess. She was too beautiful not to take a chance. But as I know, this is no fairy tale and she’s about to drive from the apartment.

I start to walk very slowly to the door to let Jill and I in. I mentally map out the girls trajectory and this girl is going to have to drive past. My man mind tells me I am going to shoot her a quick “Good Bye” smile. This is my last attempt for a fairy tale moment, and I want my smile on her mind as she drives.

I approach the door and hold it for Jill, she walks but I hold it a little longer. I’m waiting for the mystery woman to drive, she’s coming around another parked car, my smile is just a few moments away. I become aware that my door holding is feeling a twitch too long. Shit! Please hurry car, Jill looks at me, I act like I can’t get the keys out. This is the longest moment ever. Please hurry car, okay here she comes. My moment is in 3….2…1…and SMILE, little head nod, Keys out,  smooth.

It worked, I got the smile back- this was a victory. The car drives away and I turn back around to enter with Jill, and it was that moment my victory has been overshadowed by the bigger picture. That picture being my girlfriend is not stupid. The elevator doors open, we both step in.

I really hope that I’m imagining my girlfriend catching that interaction. She couldn’t have. Her mood has turned to complete quiet, I know she knows but I keep trying to tell myself otherwise. The elevator doors open, we walk down the long hallway to her apartment.

I kind of want her to say something, but I hope she doesn’t, what is she thinking? Please don’t say anything - please don’t say anything - So far so good.

And then…

“Why did you hold the door open so long?”

Immediately,

“Ha! What? What? Held the door, what?”

“You just held the door to look at that girl didn’t you?”

“Girl? What girl….Ohhh..Pshhh… Please come on. You’re crazy.”

Well, I think it’s safe to say she knows.

As we enter her apartment it stays like this, but the mood is oddly eerie and I sense that crazy comment didn’t sit too well.

“Why did you smile at her?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You held the door.”

“Babe please, come on.”

As we have this conversation I am pacing around and expressing that I am completely dumbfounded. I know where this is going, and I’m about to enter a very awkward argument. I’m about to lie about checking out a girl, then Jill will talk to me about the apartment and I will lie and tell her I’m excited. I tell myself I’m lying because I’m going to make her feel better but in actuality I’m afraid. I don’t want to deal with the reality of the situation. I don’t think Jill understands any of my frustration and how can she?

“Can we talk for a second.”

“Um, sure.”

“Come sit down.”

Uh oh. I usually can drink water and pace when we have these kinds of conversations, but not this time.

I was waiting for Jill to confront me even more, she was about to blast me and I knew I was going to feel real bad real soon but she said something unexpected. It’s as if God was giving me the thumbs up-

“Josh listen, I know this is difficult for you. I get it, all of this. The apartment stuff is a huge step, and I know you probably feel a little cramped with me. The last thing I want to do is pull us apart, so let’s not let that happen. (I’m staring like a deer in headlights).  I know you may want to see other girls or look at them…or whatever, and that’s okay. So just be upfront with me, have some fun but be up front. If you’re feeling claustrophobic, please let me know, but I know you love me. And if you want to have some fun or a thing, that’s fine, we can have some fun.”

Wait… What?

“What?”

“You know, let’s take a moment to think about the apartment, and also let’s have some fun okay.”

“I, ah, I’m a little confused.”

“I love you Josh, okay, you know that. I don’t want us to lie to each other, we’re better than that, and I want to stay together.”

As I drove home I remembered exactly why I loved my girlfriend. She’s so damn great. What the hell is wrong with me? I posses a woman who carries more knowledge than me, she is absolutely right. She understands me with without me saying anything, and she just offered me the opportunity to have a thing with another girl. I don’t know if I can ask for anything better than what I currently have. The apartment was somewhat in the back of my head, but currently I’m too focused on the free pass I seemingly received.

When I entered my apartment complex I immediately ran to Corey’s room. I have a few very close friends living around and Corey has known me the longest and knows how to deal with situations. He is my go to mentor on many occurrences. Not only will he sit and listen for hours he always finds a way to tie it back to his life and then tell me a solution to any quandary. This time I had no quandary, I just wanted to tell him what happened with Jill. I knocked on Corey’s door and as expected he opened in typical inviting fashion.

“I have to talk to you.”

I told him everything: The apartment to the girl, to the look, and then to the reaction, then the completely unexpected reaction. He sat and listened as I spoke a mile a minute. I kept reiterating the fact that she just told me I could have some fun, and I never thought I would be in this position. I just cannot believe it. And as Corey typically does he offers insight, however this time it caught me off guard.

“So she said you guys should be open?”

“Yes!”

“And she said WE should have some fun or YOU should have some fun?”

“Wait…What?”

“Well did she mean both of you or just you?”

“Just me…I think.”

“Well why would it be just you?”

Oh my, he’s right. Now I can’t remember. I’m trying to recall the things Jill said to me but I can’t recall a thing. I thought she just meant me, but of course I would think that, I’m selfish. Why would it be just me?

“Corey do you think she meant that she wants to have some fun too?”

“Yeah, actually I do. I think you opened the flood gates with that look to the girl and agreeing to this.”

I felt sick to my stomach I told Corey thanks but actually I meant “Thank you for nothing you asshole.” I proceeded to my room and immediately called my girlfriend.

It’s funny how this works, that express wanting your cake and eating it too has never been so true. I feel it’s okay for me to “have fun” but it’s not okay for my girlfriend, what a moron I am.  As I called Jill she told me she was going out with her friends tonight. I asked her if she wanted to hang out but just told me she thought it would be good if we were with friends.

This couldn’t be worse. I only thought that Jill wanted to meet another guy. Before we hung up I told her I loved her about 8 times and that I wanted to talk about what we talked about earlier. She told me we’d talk later, my sick stomach just turned to panic.
I was panic sick alone in my small studio apartment. I had been in their for about 10 minutes but it felt like 3 hours. Maybe Corey was wrong. Corey’s life meter could be wrong this time so I needed a second opinion I needed my friend Alex. Within moments I was knocking on Alex’s apartment.

“Do you want to grab a beer?”

“Of Course.”

As we walked to a close bar the therapy session continued. The same thing I said to Corey I said to Alex, but this time I was hoping to get a different response. My venting continued up until we ordered our first Beer. We sat down, I took a sip and Alex looked at me and said:

“Sounds like she wants to have some fun too.”

I proceeded to drink my beer faster and pulled out my phone to text my girlfriend. Alex tried to show me the upside to things by acknowledging I still too could have some fun. But at this point I wanted no fun. I just wanted a pure girlfriend. I currently can’t imagine her telling me about some great guy she met that she proceeded to have fun with. And I can’t go crazy about it because I agreed to this and actually enjoyed the idea… When it was about me.

When we finished the second beer I excused myself to the bathroom. Which meant one more call because I didn’t want too look to pathetic in front of my buddy. Jill answered as I was pacing alone in the small bathroom.
“Babe, I miss you do you want to meet up later?”

“I’ll Call you later okay. Josh, please just relax this is all going to be okay.”

“I am relaxed.”

“I just want to be with you and you should have your space, I can smolder you sometimes, I get it.”

“You don’t smolder me.”

“Babe, just enjoy your night stop worrying.”

“I’m not worried.”

“Babe, I love you.”

I could be over reacting but that was no help whatsoever, I spent another 5 minutes just thinking about what she could be doing. In my mind she was riding a mechanical bull while men threw money at her. But she was probably just hanging out with her friends. I need to just relax and remember how this all started. I took a deep breath and decided to tell Alex why I was gone so long. I figured he knew, or he didn’t care but it would give me a open to talk more about this.

As I exited the bathroom time slowed down. The beautiful princess from earlier was standing in the middle of the bar smiling. Her smile was just as great as before, I can’t believe she is in here. Is this destiny? Is something happening here bigger than what I can imagine? A fury of thoughts came into my head. What the hell do I do? Do I talk to her? Is this a test?

I decided I would just say hi, that’s it. I’m still shaken from my girlfriend being out and I don’t want to jinx the situation. Okay so I’d say hi and then a little flirting BUT THAT’S IT. As I got closer her smile was in a odd direction, it was facing where I was sitting.
A few more steps revealed she was talking with Alex. My buddy was making his move on the princess.

“Josh this is Megan, I think she lives by Jill.”

“Um Hi.”

Megan said: “Do I know you?”

“Um, well, I think you actually live in the same complex as my girlfriend Jill.”
It clicked for her “Ohhh, right. Hi nice to meet you. This is my favorite bar, are you guys always here?”

“Sometimes.”

Megan excused herself for a second and as she walked away Alex was glowing with happiness.

“How hot is she!”

Alex didn’t put 2 and 2 together; he was too caught up in her beauty. I didn’t say anything because he’d already listened to me enough.  A part of me wishes I made more emphasis on the girl when I was telling Alex about earlier. But I was too caught up in “having fun.”

“Josh this girl seems really cool.”

“Great.”

I watched Megan make her way back over and engage with Alex. I have suddenly become the sidekick to this scenario. I took another large swig of my beer. All I could think is that I would love nothing more than to be with Jill living and laying with her right now in a two-bedroom apartment, having no fun.

Short Story: The Power

The Power.

The strangest feeling hit me, it was a realization that shouldn’t even be realized it should just be the way it is. It happened at a vulnerable time but it happened. I was in a strange relationship clinging to someone because I needed company. She was pushing the relationship to move further and further to serious land but I didn’t want to. I was concerned, I didn’t want to move forward but I didn’t want to lose this girl.

This scenario may be the ultimate crux in life I basically wanted everything on my own terms. I laughed at the thought, and then it hit me again! I can have everything on my own terms, hell I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to do.

I literally can have anything I want it just depends on the sacrifices. Anyone can have anything. Why do I finally understand this idea? This simple concept of having or getting anything is completely attainable it just depends on the route you take to get what you want. What a concept, what power.

So what have I been doing? Who the hell knows, who the hell cares, I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to do. Since this revelation is so shocking I did what any person would do with this power, I used it.

I called the girl I was dating. I laid out what exactly I wanted and how it was going to be. I didn’t hold back, it felt liberating, not because I was holding much back but I definitely was bending to comfort this girl I was seeing. I didn’t want to bend anymore.

My expectations were a little different than the outcome. I expected her to understand, I expected nothing to change, and I expected her to applaud while I was on the phone with her. I literally was waiting for someone to jump out of nowhere and tell me I was doing a good thing right now. In my mind I was being forthcoming and I was doing what most didn’t do, or what I didn’t do. I was well aware that by me saying what I was saying I’d compromise the intimacy aspect of things and also the companionship but I didn’t want it too.

When I got done with my rant of what I want and not wanting certain things she told me she couldn’t be in a “partial relationship.” I replied telling her I couldn’t be in a “relationship.” And so it ended, we didn’t speak again for about six months. When her and I finally reconnected she told me she was just out of another relationship. Apparently she had done some pretty heavy dating after us.

We re connected for roughly an hour and eventually she finished our conversation by thanking me for being so honest in the past, she said it was refreshing. I asked how it was refreshing and she let me know it was good to talk with someone who knew exactly what they wanted. Thank you! That’s all I wanted to hear from her in the first place. So I was justified the entire time and me ending things was the right thing to do.

Of course, within a few days and many phone calls her and I were back on. I don’t know how it happened but the on again off again fling was on. I wondered if she told me it was “refreshing” because she was bating me. I always wonder if women know key phrases or statements to make a man come back. Regardless, I was momentarily back.

After a few dates I remembered why I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. I needed to get out but now I am back to being comfortable. Eventually I stuck it out many more months than I wanted with scattered dating. The power I thought I possessed clearly was a fading power. It’s like a light bulb, every once in a while a change needs to be had. I wondered how I made it back and in so deep with this girl again, what was I doing wrong?

Then it hit me! I don’t need to be in this relationship! I can do anything! I have the power. Uh Oh…

It dawned on me that holding the power to do whatever you want is sometimes forgotten. It gets lost in the shuffle, especially with emotions.