Total Recall Reboot: You Win

On Friday I somewhat made fun of the idea that the teaser trailer for the rebooted Total Recall wasn’t for the film itself but rather for an upcoming trailer that was to be released today. I shouldn’t have made fun. I just watched the trailer and it’s fucking cool. Honestly if I had a trailer that looked this cool I would make 2 more teasers before releasing the full-length version.

Dear Marketing,

You win.

Sincerely,

Josh

Full-length trailer:

 
 
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWMhADqlPYg&w=640&h=360]

"Total Recall" Trailer Promotion!

Can anyone remember the last time there was a trailer for a trailer? Seriously? As much as I want to ask 100 questions about the marketing and why they’re promoting the promotion as though it’s a football game, all I want to do is watch the next trailer for Total Recall.

Dear questionable trailer marketing… you worked.

(Hoping for a Arnold reference)

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z4Z-E-Mxbo&w=640&h=360]

Bieber

Don’t ask how, don’t ask why, but I just listened to the new Justin Bieber song that debuted the other night and here’s the quick take away:

- It’s under 3 minutes, which means if you listen to pop radio you’ll hear this song approximately 1.7 million times between this very moment and some time in August. If you have a daughter then you’ll hear this song 1.8 million times in that same time period.

- It sounds very similar to Timberland / Justin Timberlake collaboration – which is a very good thing for Bieber.

- I’m not saying that I’m going to listen to Bieber’s new album nor do I know much about it but I’m guessing there’s going to a potential rap song based off of this song, or some kind of Clipse / Timberlake - esque connection (courtesy of Timberland).

- Sounds like Bieber took that inevitable jump from kid pop to older teen pop. Fortunately for him older teen pop also works for everyone younger than older teen.

- This is Bieber’s world we’re all just living in it.

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoFXbt2tfbU&w=480&h=360]

 

Inevitable Awkward Plane Transition

Boarding airplane…

Sit down…

The person sitting next to you takes a seat…

What happens here is a big moment. Do you engage in small talk, which somehow usually leads into longer talk? For the sake of argument, let say yes, you do. You’re chatting about the small irrelevant things like weather, time spent in whichever place you are, why you’re in the current place you’re in, etc…

You’re starting to get worried because you’re realizing that what you thought was small talk has turned into medium talk and you’ve just started to discuss your job. Shit, is this a full-fledged conversation? Yes, it is. It’s inevitable that you need to work yourself out of this conversation but you don’t know how, what’s a good segway?

This is an interesting moment because you know you could open up the conversation and make a larger investment but that’s not what flights are for; flights are for catching up on shit you were supposed to do on the ground.

ENTER: The inevitable awkward transition.

I hate this moment because I know for a fact that I (or anybody) cannot engage in a 3.5 hour airplane conversation and you need to end it. Deep down inside I hope that the other person is feeling the same thing so this conversation can be cut easily be cut short and not in awkward fashion. In my flying experience this is how you know you’ve entered that odd awkward zone:

- You’re talking and asking questions – everything seems fine.

- Stewardess comes on and tells you how to buckle your seatbelt and your conversation is sort of slowing.

- If you make a joke about the stewardess then you know you’re running out of conversation.

- Post stewardess there will be another push into conversation.

- Take off is happening and you’re starting to look out the window like you’re mentally wishing the town you’re leaving a “goodye” but wait… The person next to you brings up one more talking point.

- After the talking point you find yourself just staring at the seat in front of you – You’re in the zone.

You now need to decide how the remainder of the flight is going to go, are you going to close your eyes? Start reading your book? Open your computer? Either way it’s inevitable that your actions are saying “I’m done with this conversation.” There is no easy transition because you kind of want to be nice but at the same time, the conversation is over.

You transition away from talking to the person next to you and start doing whatever it is you want to do, with a former conversation just lingering.

I hate the awkward transition but is this just me? It can’t be, I see it happen all the time, but maybe I just over complicate what should be a mutual understanding that it’s time to stop talking.

If you’ve mastered this art then all the power to you and you should consider yourself a jedi in plane etiquette. By the way, this whole scenario can be null and void if you just don’t spark conversation… but wheres the fun in that?

Michael Bay: Stop It!

Okay Michael Bay….

I’m trying to figure how to jump into this rant but I’m having trouble. I want to absolutely unload on Michael Bay for the shit he just pulled and I want to pick apart his movies like I know more than him and act as if I’ve generated so much money it could end the United States’ financial crisis. Unfortunately I don’t have that to fall back on at this time, but Michael fucking Bay does! Which, is why it’s difficult for me to have much validity in what I’m about to say.

I should also come clean and mention that I’ve basically seen every single Michael Bay film ever, including Pearl Harbor – and I defended it! Oh, and I think I cried at the end of Armageddon, ehhh, okay I did cry. DAMMIT, Michael Bay! I’m so angry with you. I’m angry that your films have a proven track record of putting asses in seats but I have to tell you something, and I mean this because I know I’m right:

You’re an idiot to take out the “Mutant” in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Lets rewind for a second. Last week it was announced that Michael Bay was rebooting the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle franchise. You know the Ninja Turtle franchise, right? Because if you don’t we have problems and you should stop everything you’re doing and first watch some of the cartoon, then watch the original movie, and then watch secret of the Ooze which had an amazing Vanilla Ice cameo. The 2nd film is questionable but the first was and is arguably the best cartoon conversion to live film ever.

(Deep Breath)

I read that Bay announced at the Nickelodeon up fronts that when he releases the movie in 2013 it’s not going to be called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but rather Teenage Ninja Turtles. Also, they’re not going to be mutated into Turtles; they’re just going to come from another planet… so they’re aliens. It’s killing me that they may not have their leader Splinter, how can they actually come from another planet? Seriously. ALSO, they’re not going to be eating Pizza! At least, I don’t think they will.

What is happening? Michael Bay is remaking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and taking out Mutant then changing everything. The only thing he’s keeping is that they’re green? Don’t we have to draw the line somewhere? Is nothing sacred anymore? Can we all just acknowledge that this isn’t a reboot of a fallen franchise but rather just a Michael Bay film? Can Michael Bay just admit that?

The thing is, is that I’m aware all ideas are recycled and it’s so rare to find the original idea at this point that we shouldn’t be upset at reboots or remakes. But I wasn’t upset about the reboot/remake - I was actually anticipating it. But to use the same name then change a word but keep the general premise sort of but not at all and then claim you’re rebooting the ninja turtles is insane!

Deep down I just wanted someone to do justice to a group of turtles that I loved at one point, but I suppose all good things must come to an end… Unless you’re the Transformers franchise helmed by Michael Bay, then you’ll never end!

Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles.

21 Jump Street - Check it Out!

My God there is a lot on the Internet. I’m actually worried that there may be too much. Every single web page is a portal into 55 different options and I don’t know how I feel about it. On one hand I’m insanely happy for the options and on the other hand I just don’t want so many options – it’s in our nature to explore everything.

When I wrote the first sentence above I was confident that I was going to be able to transition into movies rather easily. The plan was to talk about how great it felt to be back inside a movie theater, and not feeling so overwhelmed with so many different choices. It feels good to shut off and be in a position where you’re entertained. But my transition started to take a left turn when I realized I was about to go on a rant on the Internet and feeling like my head will explode with options.

Fuck. I know there is a segway into how good it feels to be around great movies – oh, that was just it – MY TRANSITION! Forget the internet talk for now… on to movies.

You know when you’re somewhere and you feel like that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be? That’s how I feel when I’m watching a good movie. You’re not worried about anything else or thinking about work, email, twitter, friends, and what else is going on – You’re in the right spot. I think deep down that’s part of the allure of a good movie. You’re in the right place at the right time and it’s an escape. Watching something good makes you think, “That’s what I want to do” or “That’s what I want to be.” Am I looking to deep into movies and entertainment? Maybe.

I was fortunate enough to see 21 Jump Street on Tuesday and I loved it. Without breaking down the specifics like acting or directing, I found myself laughing – a lot. For an hour in a half I felt lost in a really funny movie. Lets be honest: 21 Jump Street isn’t exactly going for an Academy Award, it’s created for the sole purpose to make us laugh and to be entertained. It did just that.

I think there are 5 different types of people when it comes to this movie:

The people who watched the TV show and are pissed they made a movie with Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum so won’t see it.

The people who watched the TV show and are happy they made a movie so will see it.

The people who love Hill and Tatum and definitely will see it.

The people who don’t love Hill or Tatum and won’t see it.

The fence people… could live with it, could live without it.

In the various personalities above there are sub categories, but you fall somewhere in there (trust me). Wherever you fall I’m confident you have to find some humor in this film. Just know that going into it it’s a comedy with JONAH HILL, so don’t be surprised when you see jokes that are so far out there you have to question what just happened.

Now breaking down some specifics:

Channing and Jonah – Truth be told I wasn’t to sold on Tatum and his comedy chops but he kills it. He does a great job and I think he’s the stand out.

The Film itself – The film is out there… in a good way. I definitely think it has it’s own feeling and vibe. Its kind of a hybrid of Superbad meets a Ruben Fleischer sensibility type film. If you don’t know Fleischer, he did Zombieland and 30 Minutes or Less. The film has an interesting feel to it - lets just say that. It absolutely has it’s own stamp and is very relevant to the time we’re in.

Supporting Cast – Solid, very funny.

Really Awesome Cameo that you should find out on your own – is there. As an overall I think this general concept is really cool and honestly I wish I were into the TV show when it was relevant (it was a little before my time). I’m sure there is some purists who don’t want to see an old show get retooled like this and I get it, but at the same time you have to get over it. To be fair it’s just the general concept of the TV show, it’s not as though this is the first film where adults posed as high school students.

When you find yourself planning to get hammered for St. Patty’s day this weekend do yourself a favor and sneak this movie in, or sneak this movie in while you’re getting hammered. Either way, enjoy a fun movie escape and laugh for a little bit. I’m interested as to what people are going to think about it and what it’ll do for Tatum’s comedy career.

If you’re into rotten tomatoes and general reviews it’s currently tracking with 85% positive… That’s a good thing…

Just because, check out this teaser:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhDCAww9Dwg&w=560&h=315]

Greatest Basketball Story Ever: Magic Johnson

I just finished watching “The Announcement” on ESPN. It revisited the time when Magic Johnson had announced he was HIV positive and the massive ripple effect it had on the world. Yes, the world, not just sports. I’m not going to get into the impact that The Announcement had because I think we already kind of get it.

Instead, I need to tell a story. It’s a story that I’ve told roughly 1,583 times and I will continue to tell until I can’t talk anymore. It’s a story that I literally don’t care how much time I take telling it because I love it so much. It’s a story that will grow and I’ll be making my grandchildren listen to me as I reminisce with a tear in my eye while exaggerating every moment by 100. It’s a moment that was written in my journal as incoherent blabber and random flashes because I couldn’t hold a thought. As far as I’m concerned it’s the greatest basketball story of all time.

- The Time I Played Basketball With Magic Johnson - Pre Game:

It was a weekday in the afternoon and my friend Evan aka “The Swed” called me to play some basketball at 24-hour fitness in Hollywood. Good thing we work in the entertainment industry because that translates to: Our afternoons are completely free because we didn’t have jobs at the time. Anyway, he picked me up in his old school pick up truck and we proceeded to head to the indoor court.

We played ball there pretty regularly, I probably would look back at this period of my life and say I was in my basketball prime, which isn’t saying much, but Its something. We were comfortable in the gym; it wasn’t one of those places you’ve never played before so you’re reluctant to hop in a game. We were at the point that when we walked in we’d see familiar faces and would be able to jump into a game pretty easily. Fortunately for us when we walked in there weren’t many guys so we called “next game.”

We assembled a team of random guys and when the current game ended we were ready to go. It was typical as usual and the scattered play of gym basketball was in full force. I specifically remember feeling pretty good that day and my buddy Swed seemed to be on his shit to. I always felt bad for Swed because he’s roughly 6’3 so everyone expected him to play under the basket like he’s Shaq but in reality he had a really good jump shot. Any time he wanted the ball passed to him everyone would force him under the basket, where… I might say he’s not at his most comfortable (Sorry Swed!) But on this particular day… he was feeling it.

Not sure if it was our fresh legs but we were rolling. Our team was leading 7-4 (the game plays up to 11 by 1 and 2 point shots). Somehow the other team started to chip it’s way back into the game…

7-5: No problem we’re still winning.

8-5: We’re going to win!

8-6: We’re good.

8-7: Fuck it’s 8-7!

I could sense our team feeling a little un-easy and the play was getting sloppy, and then it happened…

At the far end of the gym a guy walked in that had a presence of a human who probably won 5 NBA championships and 3 MVP’s. In about 6 seconds everyone’s heads turned and Magic Johnson was in the building. Swed came up to me and said, “Dude, that’s Magic Johnson” I said, “I know!” He put his bags down and went to a side hoop with his friend to start shooting.

Meanwhile we had a close game to finish but nobody could focus. I think there was an understanding that Magic could potentially say he wanted to play. Holy shit! In the blink of an eye my current game was tied 9 – 9. I seriously don’t remember what happened or how it got there. I was to focused on looking really fucking cool in front of Magic by making sound bounce passes.

Suddenly, the basketball Gods spoke as we heard Magic say: “I have next game.”

Lkdfja;ldskfjlas;kdfj;askdfjl; afkl;sdflksdjf dflkjas;dlkfj ds;fjslkadfjlk ehjkdnvkjfv !!!jhkljh

Okay, it’s official. Magic Johnson has next game. So, what does this mean? It means that whomever WINS this game stays on the court and plays against Magic. Suddenly I felt like I was playing for Willy Wonka’s golden ticket, and to add to the moment, Wonka, I mean Magic, was just staring at us on the sidelines sizing up his future competition.

At this point the game score was 10-10. First team to 11 wins. I repeat, first team to 11 wins.

Our ball. Like I said I was having a good game so I dribbled the ball up court, passed it to someone and then ran around like white guys do in pick up basketball, and then the ball came back to me. I was holding the basketball that would potentially send us into the next game - this was my moment.

I dribbled to the right and had a step on my guy – I noticed Magic looking at me, probably thinking “He reminds me of me” or he was actually thinking, “Hurry up white dude.” I flew to the basket in suspended reality and suddenly realized I had an open lay up, I can win this game! Directly to my right I see Swed flying next to me probably going to get my rebound (if there is one) in anticipation of me going in for the lay up.

I know I just said that time was suspended but I’m not kidding… God had actually slowed things down for me.

I’m up in the air going for the basket… A few guys next to me jump but I know I can lay it in if I need to… I still see Swed to my right… I know Magic is watching… I can make this… But… Wait… Magic is looking at me! I’m not going to score the game-winning basket, I’m going to facilitate just like him!

I proceed to pull the ball back and toss it backwards behind my body to Swed flying in. I think it’s the greatest pass of all time. My logic at the time was: Since I have these people up in the air, I’m going to pass it to Swed for an easy lay up and we’re playing Magic in basketball.

The moment kept moving and I passed the ball and for a second I thought we were going to win, then another second passed and I realized that I missed Swed completely and threw the ball out of bounds. Wait, what? Yes, I threw the ball out of bounds in front of everyone. The other team picks up the ball very quickly and runs down the court to score the game-winning basket. We just lost.

What the fuck just happened?

The other team celebrated like I was planning to. Magic’s assembled team came on the court and proceeds to play against … well, who cares because it wasn’t me. Swed and I were left to mope on the sidelines. Many Many Apologizes:

People had filed in to watch Magic play basketball, we tried to get into the next game but it was hopeless, everyone had announced they wanted next, next after next, and so on. To top it off Magic had said: “I have one game in me.” This was horrible. Swed and I sat with our backs to the wall watching Magic Johnson play basketball directly in front of us. On any other day just the sight of him playing would have been enough, but knowing I just blew the opportunity to play against him was like watching my girlfriend happily hook up with my best friend in front of me… it sucked.

Swed said, “Hallman, I thought you were gonna lay it up.”

Me: “Me too, but then I thought I’d toss you a great pass.”

It wasn’t a great pass and I knew I fucked up. We sat there sweaty and depressed watching Magic smiling in his street clothes torching people in a gym, and then like Magic Johnson’s vote into the All Star game in 1992 we were given a glimmer of hope. Some random dude who we didn’t know but were facially familiar with came up to us.

“Hey, my buddies aren’t coming and I only got 2. You guys want in the next game with me?”

“YES.”

And just like that we were back in, we had next game, but we needed to bank on two things going our way.

1) Magic’s team had to win, which in our minds was inevitable.

2) Magic had to be swayed into sticking around another game.

As Magic’s game was going we could tell his team was winning and Swed and I were on a side hoop warming up. I wasn’t doing much talking; just hoping Magic plays the next game… and secretly building up my confidence to be awesome on a basketball court.

His game finished, and of course his team won. Everyone on the court went to shake his hand and the new team (my team) walked onto the court asking him to stick around another game. Magic had a big ol’ smile on his face and said he’d play another, and when I heard that I looked to Swed and nearly kissed him out of happiness. Magic said he was instantly ready to go, which translates to: We’re playing right now.

As we were pairing up with which guys we’re going to cover, the dude who asked us to play came up to us and said, “My friends are here.” Huh? I said “Okay” and then the friends assumed they were going to play, one even said “You can have next game.”

Okay – typically I’m a pretty nice guy in these situations and try to find a happy medium, but I knew in the back of my head there was no fucking way I was leaving that court. I don’t even think Swed acknowledged the guy. I ended up telling one of the guys, “Dude, we’re not leaving.” At this moment I think I would have actually fought to stay on the court and fortunately these guys had 2 things working against them.

1) It’s poor pick up game etiquette to pull this late arrival shit.

2) Magic was ready to go, he didn’t care who was going to play, he just wanted to play, and on a court you listen to Magic Johnson – it was go time.

So we stayed on the court. Game time with MAGIC JOHNSON!

Truth be told, I don’t remember as much as I should from this game but remember odd specifics -

I remember that Magic had singled out a Asian kid on his team to be his go to man and I was slightly jealous of that, I remember Swed’s height allowed him to GUARD Magic (lucky bastard), I remember I missed my first shot and was scared Magic was judging my decision making, I remember everyone on both teams tried to be fancy, I remember Magic doing a behind the back pass and everyone being faked out and really happy we were faked out, I remember the 20 plus people who filed in to watch the game, I remember the looks of the 2 friends whose spots we took, but most importantly I remember “The Play.”

Although “The Play” is not a recognized moment in basketball history, I may argue that it should be.

The Play:

Magic took a few dribbles towards the hoop from the 3-point line then backed off a little. Everyone was running around being insanely proactive. Magic passed the ball to Asian Kid and he eventually passed it back to Magic. Magic started to dribble to the hoop and in unselfish fashion he proceeded to pass the ball behind his back. Only thing he didn’t know is that my adrenaline was rushing like I was on a Red Bull bender and I telegraphed his pass. I jumped right in front of the guy he was passing to and stole the ball.

I immediately dribbled the ball and started sprinting down the court to my hoop with one guy to beat currently backpedaling and about 15 feet ahead of me. Here’s the thing I need to clarify; I’m a stereotypical white guy on the basketball court. I feel much more comfortable shooting a jump shot than I do trying to make a contested lay up, because I always seem to screw up or look funny when I have a contested anything. Usually I’m okay with looking stupid but when you just stole a pass from the greatest point guard of all time and he’s suddenly running behind you, not to mention a road block of a dude in front of you, you can get a little nervous.

Somewhere in this moment there is a metaphor for life, I’m still kind of searching for it, but it was the perfect set up for exposing weakness. I had no choice but to face this head on because if I didn’t I would’ve had to banish myself from being a Man in the human race.

I dribbled towards the guy in front of me… I got closer to the basket… I was going fast… Suddenly the guy did another stereotypical white guy move and stood still with his hands in the air daring me to charge into him. On any given day I would have pulled up for a jumper but I channeled my inner Bob Cousy and made the greatest move of all time:

I faked right with the ball then dribbled left, the guy brought his hand down to swat the ball and somehow he missed, I suddenly had a step on him and I was going towards the basket. The guy jumped towards me as I was going up with the ball and in mid air I contorted my body and went under the hoop for a reverse lay up. If felt perfect, the ball left my hand and by the time my momentum carried me to the other side of the hoop I looked up to see the ball effortlessly falling in. HOLY SHIT!

I didn’t know what I just did but it felt awesome and I reacted as though I do it all the time. As I turned to run up the court Magic “the greatest point guard of all time” Johnson patted me on the back and said “Good Move.”

I knew at that moment I could retire from pick up basketball a happy man, and I think I almost did, but we still had a game to play.

The Finale:

It may sound unbelievable but we were winning. Swed was playing pretty well, I hit a few more shots and we found ourselves with a nice cushion, that cushion faded quickly when Magic decided to take things into his own hands and drop back to back 2-pointers to bring the game to within 1. The score was 10-9, and once again we were playing first to 11. We ran down the floor and missed our shot… Shit! In my mind I was thinking we might have just blown the chance to beat Magic.

As Magic dribbled down the court I wondered what he would do, would he pull up for another 2 pointer and end this thing? But then he did the second most unbelievable thing of the day and something that’s essentially banned during a pick up game. He dropped the ball and said, “Time out.”

Time out? Who calls Time out during a pick up game? I guess Magic Johnson, that’s who, and who would stop him? He proceeded to huddle his team together and draw up a play!

As he was drawing up his play everyone just kind of looked at each other thinking, can he call a time out?

He broke the huddled and we resumed. There was constant movement but you could tell the play was screwed immediately because Magic was visibly frustrated. He tried to find an open man… he couldn’t. Standing roughly 3 feet behind the 3-point line he casually took things into his own hands and put up another 2-point shot. Swoosh. Game Over. 11-10. Magic won. Post Game:

Immediately handshakes were exchanged and Magic packed his things up and left. Everyone sat in awe at what just happened. I proceeded to tell Swed about the pat on my back and comment he gave me. He didn’t care because he had his own story, but I didn’t care about that either… So we were basically just talking to ourselves…

As we drove home we were crazy.

As I went into my apartment I told every human I could.

I finally chilled out a little as everything sunk in. Hands down the greatest basketball day of my life. He was the nicest guy ever.

I know there is only one thing that can happen to this story: It’s going to be vastly exaggerated over time. But, I don’t care. As long as I mention the game, the play, and the Magic time out - then I know I’ve done justice.

As I watched “The Announcement” I contemplated making a documentary of my own called “The Play” … I wonder if I could get Magic? Honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if he did it and then pretended to know what I was talking about. The guy is awesome, and not just on a basketball level. For the few moments I was around him he was nothing but genuine and probably very happy to leave everyone with a good memory… It’s basically how he left everyone in the NBA.

Final stats of the game:

3-6 with 3 points … I think. Ask me this in a few years and it will be 5-7 with 8 points.

You should be watching AWAKE

 

I briefly mentioned the TV show AWAKE last week but I need to press it again because I really wish I didn’t have a gut feeling that my new favorite show, that isn’t a comedy, was going to be cancelled. I’ve also found myself personally rooting for the creator of the show simply because he’s had a string of bad luck… kind of rooting for the underdog right now. Quick little run down of creator Kyle Killen:

Killen wrote the screenplay for the film The Beaver, which was a pretty sought after script on The Black List. Unfortunately the film was fucked due to Mel Gibson and his angriness. Post Beaver he created a show called Lone Star which nobody was watching, and on the verge of cancellation Killen wrote a open letter essentially asking people to watch – which is kind of cool if you ask me, did anyone ask me? No. But still, it’s very cool. And now we have Awake. Check the plot outline:

After a car accident takes the life of a family member, a police detective lives two alternating parallel lives, one with his wife and one with his son. Is one of his “realities” merely a dream?

Parallel universe – CHECK.

Cop shit – CHECK.

Interesting story – CHECK.

Potential to an interesting story – CHECK.

The lead character is the badass from The Patriot and also the guy who killed Snape in Harry Potter aka Jason Isaacs – CHECK. That insanely detailed checklist is essentially what makes the show really good but also is probably the exact reason why it’s going to be cancelled. It’s currently blending genres with hints of sci fi and crime procedural. This is great for people like me who are remembering to DVR NBC at 10pm, but I fear I’m the minority. Also, the show doesn’t feel like a show people would seek out and watch via Hulu, Netflix, or apple TV. It feels like one of those shows geared for older single guys or younger guys with a girlfriend.

Does that even make sense?

I think the show has a great premise, great story, good characters, but will be viewed as a little to slow, which could also be the exact problem with previously cancelled Lone Star. I think that new hour-long shows are difficult to sustain if you don’t have a previous built in audience, our attention spans are crumbling by the minute, I’m even fearful right now that I’ve written to much… this is to long for average reader! I’m wrapping it up – Watch Awake. Give it a shot. It’s on Thursday night on NBC 10/9c.

Do it!

Mike Tyson = Mr Vegas

 

I’ve always thought that if there was one person I wouldn’t want to get into a bar fight with at any stage of life it would be Mike Tyson. He reminds me of the irrational guy at the bar that has nothing to lose, you know, the one who says something to your girlfriend and deep down inside you’re thinking, “shit, I have to fight this guy?” Not because the guy is bigger, faster, or stronger, but simply because he’s potentially going to try to kill you by any means necessary. Buuuut Tyson just happens to be a former professional boxer who also happens to like the taste of flesh from an ear.

Since Tyson has left the ring he has turned into an entertainer, and an entertaining one at that. Obviously his most notable thing he’s done is played himself in The Hangover 1 and 2, but he’s also recently befriended the Funny Or Die crew. You have to hand him credit… He’s out there.

But now he’s really out there and - I Am Interested

From April 13th – 18th Tyson (also should note my favorite boxer) is going to be putting on a one-man show at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Who couldn’t be interested in this? What could this possibly be about?

The show is called “Mike Tyson – The Undisputed Truth – Live On Stage” and it’s going to be held in a 740-seat theater. Truthfully, I hope it sells out every single night and they keep it open for the rest of the year. It’s hard for me to forget how much I enjoyed Mike Tyson when he was in his prime. I enjoyed his amazing video game, his knockouts, and those pigeons he had on his roof.

In case you need some Mike Tyson in your life I suggest you check out his show and also check out thisLINK

The Weekend: Quick Recap

 

MOVIE:

It’s official. I broke my “not going to the movie theater” streak this weekend and saw Project X. I had mixed feelings about it and may still be recovering from the hangover I received while watching. Overall I didn’t mind it, I knew what I was getting myself into – A found footage exaggerated drinking comedy in high school. At least, I think it was exaggerated… Coming from the crazy suburban streets of Wisconsin I think it’s safe to say my parties were a tad more contained than that of Project X.

It’s a fun movie and if you’re going to see it don’t expect to see an incarnation of a John Hughes film - It’s more topical to the time we live in. I wonder how many teens got completely hammered after watching the movie and then tried to recreate the premise of the film but only had 8 kids show up at their house… TV:

Lindsay Lohan on SNL: Is it just me or has SNL hit its stride in the last year? Last week’s Maya Rudolph show essentially was one of the best shows I’ve seen as a stand-alone in a long time, and I find myself seeking out skits. Buuuuuut then the stride hit a roadblock named Lindsay Lohan.

Does anyone remember Lohan the actor? Not really, right? She’s just a girl we feel sorry for because of her (seemingly) really bad upbringing and continuous horrible choices. I think that everyone felt like this SNL was an opportunity for her to clean up her image a bit and say, “I’m good, I can still act, and I still have a career!” But the reality is, it didn’t, and she’s not that good anymore… I feel kind of bad for her.

The episode took the easy route of poking fun at Lohan’s past issues, which was funny, but to obvious. Aside from her stumbling over lines she looked uncomfortable. I may be looking to far into this but don’t you think when she was presented with an opportunity to redeem herself on the SNL stage she’d REALLLY go for it like she’s in the final acting role of her life. I think her phoning it in on SNL says a lot about her. Having said that… It was the second highest rated show all season and THIS skit was pretty fucking funny.

Awake: Maybe the coolest show on TV that I hope doesn’t get cancelled. It was created by Kyle Killen aka “The Guy who created The Beaver but then Mel Gibson went Mel Gibson on everyone so the movie bombed” aka “The Guy who created Lone Star but nobody watched it and you don’t know what the hell Lone Star is” aka “This guy is really talented” (Fairly certain I misused “aka’s” and my “quotation marks” “””). Check out Awake.

Celebrity Apprentice: This show is a mess! Shark Tank: This show isn’t a mess and it’s insanely underrated. I think I love Shark Tank. If you don’t know the premise - it’s essentially Mark Cuban and 6 other successful business minds hearing pitches from people and then they bid on it or tell them it’s a horrible idea. The NBA:

I watched The Lakers VS Heat on Sunday and aside from how awesome the game was the other thing people were talking about was D. Wade’s smedium shirt. I think it’s time we have a “best dressed” competition in the NBA.

The Weekend: Movies

 

I honestly haven’t been to the theater for so long that I’m actually too embarrassed to admit it. The main reason is because I was spoiled with screeners this past Oscar season so I’ve been staying in… at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I’m worried that I’m reaching a point that I never have wanted to get to - A point where going to a theater is actually more of a hassle than enjoyment. Fuck. I’m kind of not accepting that that may be the case.

It’s tough to go to movies that aren’t great and sit in a theater with people texting, people talking, occasional bad sound, over priced tickets, over priced parking, and people coughing. Am I becoming neurotic? I really hope not. I don’t want to lose my love for going to the theater more than I already have. This weekend I break my slump that I’ve been in these past few months… I. Am. Going. To. See. A. Movie.

This is what I’m (we’re) working with:

NEW RELEASES:

Project X: The “found footage” film that’s being advertised as Superbad on coke. It’s from producer Todd Phillips, who did The Hangover, and he has a certain knack for these kind of movies. This film kind of seems like an obvious choice – I’m interested. However it’s kind of getting horrible reviews, as of Friday morning it’s got a 26% rating on rotten tomatoes. Not sure if it’s going to toss me from seeing it, I sure as shit don’t think it’s going to stop the teens, early 20 year old’s, and people who are high from seeing it.

Speaking of people getting high…

The Lorax: The animated Dr. Seuss film that’s being present in 3D, IMAX 3D, 3DDDD, and every other kind of thing that isn’t 2D. Truthfully I was interested in the Lorax, it seems right up my alley in terms of feel good animation films, until my friend told me it was horrible. I had to confirm, so I went to trusty rotten tomatoes to find out what the deal is – 65% rating. Eh.

It’s funny how movie reviews work. I feel like when you really like a movie then reviews don’t matter and you tell yourself you’re smarter than people who gave it bad reviews. When you hate a movie then reviews totally matter and everyone is on tune with how you feel, and when you barely want to see anything, they also matter because if it’s a bad review you won’t go.

If you’re like me, and for some odd are reason turning into a neurotic old man who doesn’t want to sit in movies because you feel like your time is so precious that the movie better be amazing, here are other options that aren’t new releases:

Wanderlust: Movie bombed but I heard it’s good. It’s with Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd.

Safe House: Denzel and Reynolds.

The Vow: The reality is, if you haven’t already seen this you aren’t going to it this weekend. The Vow has been out for weeks now.

The Grey: Why the shit haven’t I seen this movie!? I’ve heard nothing but good things about it. One of my friends seemed as though he had to smoke a cigarette after watching it.

Tyler Perry presents a Tyler Perry movie starring Tyler Perry not as Madea with Terry Perry called a presentation by Tyler Perry featuring Tyler Perry in Good Deeds starring Tyler Perry: The age old debate that TP is the worst thing to ever happen to film or the best thing to ever happen to film rages on. He makes films for a specific culture and presses on stereotypes like he’s a racist white man… but he’s not. His movies generate huge income and he has a huge following. This is another movie that you’ve either already seen and are going back or you’re not seeing it.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: Errr.. Nick Cage.

Act of Valor: This film killed it last week. As I’m sure you already know from the onslaught of advertisements, the film features active Navy Seals. I hear it’s kind of cool.

Journey 2: The Rock!: Okay so that’s not the actual title but Journey 2 has lost it’s audience to The Lorax.

This Means War: Chris Pine, Reece Witherspoon, and Tom Hardy. This movie flopped, what happened here? Pine is a movie star, Witherspoon was, and Hardy will be if he isn’t already.

AND:

Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie: This currently has a limited release; I saw it at Sundance and its nuts. Here’s the TRAILER. I encourage myself and anyone else to see a movie this weekend. Honestly I kind of have my sights set on Project X so I hope to have something positive to report. I’m kind of curious how they’ll pull off the found footage aspect in this. Enjoy the movie watching weekend, and remember… don’t F-ing text in a dark movie!

The Oscars: Predictions

 

Before I jump into this I should note my Oscar Pool of 1 person (me) is still looking for more people to join, so if you want in let me know!

I just told my friend Ottford that I want to do Oscar predictions with him. Our conversation went exactly like this:

Joshford: I want to do Oscar Predictions with you.

Ottford: The Artist wins every award.

Joshford: Calling it?

Ottford: Even one’s it’s not up for.

I feel that he may be on to something. Every year a film or actor starts to gain momentum at the right time and it seems like that film is currently The Artist… with The Help floating somewhere behind. I think we’re beyond pretending to be surprised that the film that wins best picture isn’t always the best picture, it’s a political/momentum thing.

Quick side story: I had a friend who was at an academy member’s house and it happened to be right around voting time. The member was in the process of doing his voting and essentially half assed his final votes because he was tired, to speed up the process, his votes were eventually based off of people behind the project as opposed to the project itself. When the member finished his ballot he looked to my friend and said “Whenever you’re nominated, don’t forget that’s how it’s done.”

And after that insanely inspiring story its time to jump into the Oscar Predictions:

Best Picture:

The Artist The Descendants Extremely Loud & Incredibly close The Help Hugo Midnight in Paris MoneyBall The Tree of Life War Horse

In a less than inspiring pool of films my pick to win best picture is: THE ARTIST

Truthfully I want Midnight in Paris or Moneyball to win but that isn’t going to happen. Also, if The Help won, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Best Actor:

Demian Bichir (A Better Life) George Clooney (The Descendants) Jean Dujardin (The Artist) Brad Pitt (Moneyball) Gary Oldman (Inker Tailor Soldier Spy)

This is the most interesting category because a month ago this was all Clooney and then the SAG awards happened and now it’s all Dujardin. Wasn’t Pitt somewhere in this conversation?

Winner: Jean Dujardin! What the fuck did I just type! Sorry Clooney, I want it to be you - I think everyone wants it to be you.

Best Actress:

Glenn Close (Albert Nobbs) Viola Davis (The Help) Rooney Mara (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady) Michelle Williams (My Week With Marilyn)

First of all, Glen Close as Albert Nobbs scares me more than her role as Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction. She looks creepy as Nobbs. I haven’t seen the movie but if it’s about a creepy looking old guy who sort of resembles Benjamin Button then she’s spot on. Even though I haven’t seen Close as Nobbs I don’t have to. Everyone and their mothers know Viola Davis is going to win this award. The Help will excel in one area at the Oscars: Women winning something.

Winner: Viola Davis

Supporting Actor:

Kenneth Branagh (My Week With Marilyn) Jonah Hill (Moneyball) Nick Nolte (Warrior) Christopher Plummer (Beginners) Max von Sydow (Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close)

I want Jonah Hill to win this award more than I want to see a sequel to Superbad. How amazing would it be to see Jonah Hill win an Oscar? 21 Jump Street would start changing their promos to: Starring Academy Award winner Jonah Hill. Having said that, he won’t win.

Winner: Christopher Plummer

Supporting Actress:

Berenice Bejo (The Artist) Jessica Chastain (The Help) Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids) Janet McTeer (Albert Nobbs) Octavia Spencer (The Help)

The Help = Women winning things.

Winner: Octavia Spencer

Animated Feature:

A Cat in Paris Chico & Rita Kung Fu Panda 2 Puss in Boots Rango

I love animated movies. I really liked Puss in Boots, I liked it so much that my girlfriend had to do one of those “really babe?” moments when I was laughing so hard. Best part in Boots is dancing/fighting scene when Puss started to salsa and eventually was floating in… wait… getting distracted. Unfortunately, I don’t think Boots is going to win. I’m going with –

Winner: Rango

Cinematography:

The Artist The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Hugo The Tree of Life War Horse

How can you go against a Fincher movie in best Cinematography category?

Winner: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Best Director:

The Artist The Descendants Hugo Midnight in Paris The Tree of Life

You know what’s interesting about this – The categories don’t have the director’s names but rather the film. I wonder why they did that? I think that fact alone allows the unknown Michel Hazanavicius to have a better shot at this. As much as I’d love to see Alexander Payne win this I don’t think it’s going to be him. I think the Academy is going unknown.

Winner: Michel Hazananananavicius

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay):

The Descendents Hugo The Ides of March Moneyball Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

I like this category because all of these movies are solid enough to put up an argument for why it should win. Deep down I want Moneyball to win, and I think it should, but I don’t think it will. I’m going with the Clooney film, and I don’t mean Ides of March.

Winner: The Descendents

Best Writing (Original Screenplay):

The Artist Bridesmaids Margin Call Midnight in Paris A Separation

I would be shocked if The Artist won this award. I would think it’s great if Bridesmaids won but my choice is a choice I never thought I’d say…

Winner: Midnight in Paris

I’m not the biggest Woody Allen fan but I loved Midnight in Paris and want to revisit some of his films, also, I’m to embarrassed to admit I haven’t seen some of his “classics.” I know this isn’t the entire Academy Award field but it’s what I think people care about most. I suppose I could have gotten into best foreign film, best doc, best editing, and best films that are black and white without sound.

I’m starting to wonder if Ottford is right and we’re going to have a sweep of The Artist, I hope we don’t simply because I don’t think it deserves it, but at the same time I wouldn’t be surprised… there are a lot of lazy voters in the world.

If anyone wants into the Oscar pool email me… Top Prize To Be Determined.

Channing Tatum: Movie Star?

 

I’m trying to get a gauge on Channing Tatum. This past weekend, his movie The Vow, almost snuck in first for a second week in a row, I should probably note that it not only snuck in first last week but it officially took out Denzel and Ryan Reynolds film Safe House last week. I personally think it’s a big deal when Channing “I was basically discovered for saying “I forgot my Dew”’ Tatum starts to loom in conversation with the larger figures in Hollywood.

Sure, Tatum’s movie also had Rachel McAdams as a fellow lead and The Vow is seemingly a hybrid of Dear John (Starring Tatum) and The Notebook (starring McAdams), but why do I feel like this was Tatum’s movie?

Is this guy a star? Is he the one who is brings people into the seats or is it the content of the film? I feel that Tatum should have been bigger at this point and Dear John should have done for him what The Notebook did for Ryan Gosling… or did it? As it stands now Tatum is seemingly on that fine line of where his career is going to go. I think it’s either going to skyrocket from this point or it’s always going to stand in this grey yet consistent not really a lead area.

Below is a look back at his previous films starting with Coach Carter in 05’ – I think looking at these films will shed light on where Tatum is going:

Coach Carter: Ensemble guy cast with Sam Jackson.

Supercross: Action dirt bike movie… still early in the career.

War Of The Worlds: Honestly Tatum was in this movie for about 3 seconds running from Aliens… but who cares – it’s Spielberg.

Havoc: Indie vibe with this film.

A Guide To Recognizing your Saints: Tatum’s breakout in the opinion of a lot of people. He was good.

She’s The Man: Typical rom com with Tatum attempting to be a heart throb.

Step Up: The introduction into Tatum the dancer. If women weren’t sold on his looks they were sold on the fact he could dance like a stripper… oh wait…

Battle in Seattle: What is this movie?

Step Up 2: Early cameo from Tatum reprising his role from the first Step Up.

Stop-loss: Same writer director as the academy award film “Boys Don’t Cry” – it also has a good cast but failed box office wise.

Fighting: Shirtless Tatum. People love this movie… seriously.

Public Enemies: Minor - minor - minor 10 second role in this film. Michael Mann directs it.

GI Joe: His real and only blockbuster. This film was all effects and nothing else… a feel good summer movie that in my opinion is so bad you end up watching it.

Dear John: Every woman in the world loved Tatum more than before. This is dramatic Tatum.

The Dilemma: Directed by Ron Howard starring Vince Vaughn and Kevin James. This film was a terrible flop but Tatum had a supporting role and it’s in no way his fault. His comedy wasn’t to bad.

The Son of No One: Another no idea what this movie is but it has Al Pacino in it. Who could ever blame someone for doing a Pacino film?

Ten Year: No idea what this movie was but he was a producer. It didn’t do too well and was directed by the Dear John writer.

Haywire: Steven Soderbergh directed, didn’t do too well in the box office but who the fuck cares because Soderbergh directed.

The Vow: Most recent.

The movies listed above show no evidence that Tatum is a viable go to box office guy; however what it does show is that he’s an extremely smart guy when it comes to his career for 3 major reasons:

1: He works with great directors in small roles. In War of the Worlds he basically was a featured extra but who cares it was Spielberg. In Public Enemies he was basically covered in enough make up to be a cross dresser but who cares it was Michael Mann. In The Dilemma his role was partially substantial but even better it was a Ron Howard movie. In Haywire it was an ensemble cast but that’s par for the course when dealing with Soderbergh… and it was Soderbergh!

Why does this make him a smart guy? Well it ties into…

2: He works with the same writers and directors: The Son of No One, Fighting, and A Guide to Recognizing your Saints: Same writer director. Step Up and Step Up 2: Same writer and he did a cameo in part 2. He’s doing Magic Mike, which is a Soderbergh film coming out later this year… you get the point.

Here’s why this is important – Because apparently directors really like him and will work with him again. It says a lot when someone is willing to take on smaller roles. If this were basketball he’d be called a “grinder” - the guy who really works for the points. It’s like when you go to the “networking” party trying to meet everyone and you’re uncomfortable with a drink in your hand. But in Tatum’s case he says, “fuck a drink, I’m just going to be in this movie.” Or something like that. 3: He’s trying to sculpt his resume and cover all angles of his career. Is he lover romantic guy, comedy guy, fighting guy, action guy, brooding masculine guy, dancer guy? Apparently he’s a little bit of each. I can’t remember when someone hasn’t been horrible when they tried to be the spaghetti sauce and spread themselves over genres like this.

You have to wonder if he’s going to be able to successfully pull this off, because if he will then I think you’d have to consider him a movie star at some point, right? The tough reality is: unless your name is Clooney, then box office usually determines if you’re a movie star. But Tatum seems to be floating in this middle ground where he’s (usually) in “well made” movies made by “good” people, so who cares what the box office says.

Truthfully, I’ve never been the biggest fan of Tatum but I’m starting to come around. I’m looking forward to the comedy 21 Jump Street and heard he’s great in it, and also looking forward to the new Soderbergh film.

In my quest to determine if this guy is a movie star I think the conclusion is – not yet… but he will be. He’s worked with too many people and has covered too many genres to not get a significant shot at being huge

SNL: The Recap

Did anyone happen to catch Saturday Night Live this past Saturday? If you didn’t then you missed maybe one of the consistently funny episodes in a long time. I feel that there is this general understanding that SNL is funny for about 65 percent of it’s episode and the lackluster skits get pushed towards the backend – this past Saturday wasn’t the case.

Maya Rudolph was the host and apparently that meant to bring on everyone and anyone. Random surprise guests were: Justin Timberlake, Amy Poehler, Bill O’ Reilly, and Kate Upton (The Sports Illustrated Model).

Random side note: I honestly had watched “In Time” earlier in the night and wrote off Timberlake, then watched this episode and felt some minor redemption.

I first wrote this post with the intention of embedding each clip in this blog but for whatever reason HULU is stubborn and won’t let me. To try and make up for it I’ve included the link…

We have to start with the cold opening, this basically set the tone for me. Typically this is a political themed skit but this time it was a racially charged take on the Jeremy Lin scenario in NY:

LINK THAT I WISH WAS THE EMBEDDED VIDEO!

Jay-Z and Beyonce’s Baby: My God this was funny. Jay Pharoah is great, and I hope he continues to be more prominent on the show:

LINK THAT I WISH WAS THE EMBEDDED VIDEO!

Cosby Obama: This was a skit that was pushed towards the latter half of the show and I couldn’t believe it. I think this would have killed in the first 30 minutes. Basic premise…errr… The Obama’s as the Cosby Show.

LINK THAT I WISH WAS THE EMBEDDED VIDEO!

What’s Up With That - Presidents Day Edition: Remember Keenan from Keenan and Kel on Nickelodeon? I’m happy he’s still working in the comedy world, and this character is his stand out on the show. My initial reaction when seeing this –“What the hell is Bill O’ Reilly doing on SNL!?” and I loved every minute of it. Jason Sudeikis in his red jumpsuit is the stand out in these:

LINK THAT I WISH WAS THE EMBEDDED VIDEO!

Bronx Beat: Poehler was back and a special surprise from Timberlake. I typically don’t like women ranting back and forth by Rudolph and Poehler were great:

LINK THAT I WISH WAS THE EMBEDDED VIDEO!

Maya Angelou Prank Show: This was amazing:

LINK THAT I WISH WAS THE EMBEDDED VIDEO!

The Weekend Update: Poehler was back with Seth Meyers, and once again very funny. I kind of miss Poehler on SNL:

LINK THAT I WISH WAS THE EMBEDDED VIDEO!

There are still a few skits out there that almost made the cut, but I couldn’t put the entire episode on here… although I almost did. I think it’s great that various cast members are really starting to hit their stride and it’s amazing how SNL can continue to evolve. Rudolph brought it, this was a great episode, and sometimes I forget how funny SNL is.