Time To Get Ahead Of Myself.

Jerry Rice fumbled! I had to get that out before I mention it 8 more times before this post is over.

Last night I had coffee with someone who’s from the Bay area and a huge 49ers fan. Within 5 minutes of conversation we were unintentionally talking about football and discussing the turn around that the 49ers had this year. Then I laid out a fact that opened up conversation for about 10 more minutes:

“I’m from Wisconsin”

In the world of two football fans who are relatively the same age our minds went to the same area, the area of late 90’s NFL when Brett Favre was smoking the 49ers almost every season (At least that’s where mine went).

For me that time period was somewhat a changing of the guards (briefly) as the NFL saw the dominate 49ers take a back seat to the up and coming Green Bay Packers.

In 1994 – 49ers won the Super Bowl.

In 1995 – Packers beat the 49ers in the first round of the playoffs then lost to Dallas.

In 1996 – Packers beat the 49ers in the playoffs (Again) and went on to win the Super Bowl.

In 1997 – Packers beat the 49ers in the playoffs (Again!) and went on to lose to John Elway (who did his best Tim Tebow impression) in the Super Bowl.

Enter 1998 -

The 49ers beat the Packers in the playoffs on a fluke drive that ended up with Terrell Owens (who dropped 47 passes this game) catching the game-winning pass with no time remaining. In TO’s defense it was a great game winning catch.

The asterisk on this game was the fumble Jerry Rice had but it was not called a fumble. As a matter of fact this play was a huge part in why we have Instant Replay today. Anyway…

My San Francisco friend and I went on to talk about the possibilities of the 49ers and Packers meeting again this year in the Playoffs… and I really want this to happen. It just so happens the 49ers pulled a 180 this year and are relevant again. The only chance they have to meet is the Championship game which determines who is going to the Super Bowl – which makes it that much better.

Can you imagine the nostalgic conversations that every analyst will have if these two teams meet? I can already imagine FOX calling Brett Favre and asking him to comment on the game, to which Favre writes “NO” on his middle finger, snaps a picture of it, and sends it by snail mail to the FOX producers.

Not to get ahead of myself because both 49ers and Packers have tough roads ahead… But I want this! I want to see Aaron Rodgers get his over due personal 49ers revenge for not picking him in the NFL draft… And I want the game to end with Donald Driver catching a game-winning touchdown a la TO style… Only Driver won’t start crying to anyone who’s willing to look at him.

Please football Gods – make this happen.

Time.

I don’t want to say that I’m worried but I can definitely acknowledge that I’m a little concerned with how fast time is moving. It’s strange that I think of time as this ever changing thing, but it’s not, as a matter of fact it’s so consistent that it’s the one thing we overlook and take for granted. The idea of time could very easily be looked at as a metaphor of how people should approach life – Time doesn’t stop it just keeps going until it gets to where it needs to get, it takes it’s own time, and it’s such a force in life that it’s impossible to ignore. I don’t want to get into the reflective bullshit of looking back on the year that was but if I may for just a quick second – the year that was, was an eye opener. It was the year when I’d write an appointment for next week and it would seem to arrive tomorrow or I’d set a task six months into the future and somehow I was struggling to reach the goal because I didn’t seem to have enough time. Most importantly, physically speaking, time has caught up to me in a few aspects that I’m too afraid to even explore.

The idea of time is inevitable and it’s what structures our lives and makes us evaluate and reassess our approach to life. How many New Year resolutions did you make or how many did you hear? Did you take a moment to map out the course of your life over the next calendar year and set goals that were all formed with-in a timetable? Probably. That’s normal, and optimistic and quite honestly it’s something that’s needed in order to right our wrongs or to masque the faults that we see in ourselves. And that’s the beauty of the New Years Resolution.

We make resolutions based around a calendar and think we’re going to magically change when January 1st comes around. The New Year is a time for optimism and honestly I wish we could all bottle that feeling on a day to day basis because it seems that it washes away sooner rather than later. For the record, I’m a firm believer of laying out your goals and going after them on a time timeline.

We should never forget the feeling of what new time affords us, and what new time means for our souls. Moving forward (and to wrap up this rant) I’m here to remind you something that my mom reminds me. Approach every day as you’d approach the New Year. Don’t think you have one opportunity to make resolutions and there is this magical moment that you’ll be able to stick with them.

The opportunity to tackle time and make the best of it is here on August 1^st and January 1^st, that will never change. As we get older time seems to go faster, responsibilities seem to pile up, and windows of time seem to close. I wish I really grasped what people meant when they told me “time goes fast.”

In the words of the great Ferris Bueller: “Life is pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you may miss it.”

Loser: No Justification

It takes a lot for me to make judgments about people I’ve never met. It’s actually been a pretty long time when I haven’t given someone the benefit of the doubt. At some point in my life I turned into the guy who attempts to see where the other person is coming from. As I just wrote that I can see how that may sound annoying. Either way, as a situation happens I try to talk it out without completely shutting the door on what someone’s intentions may have been. Well, that just changed and I shut that door this Christmas. I have found a scenario where I judge and will not even look into giving someone the benefit of the doubt.

Let me lay out the scenario:

At 6am I get a few knocks on my bedroom door. I open the door to find my sister, brother in law, and their one-month-old baby staring at me. First thing they say to me:

“Someone broke into our car”

Immediate reaction – I was pissed. Lingering reaction – even more pissed. They were in for the holidays- this isn’t cool.  I got my shoes on and walked down to my semi enclosed parking garage to see their driver side rear window shattered. I asked my brother in law if they stole anything, they did, his 5 year old ipod.

As I was staring at the windowless car a few things popped into my head. I wondered why there weren’t any cameras in my parking area, I then remembered that another tenants car was broken into on Thanksgiving just a few spots away, and it was done in the same exact way. I wondered if the lights above my car were turned off to invite someone to break in, thought about the walk I took with my sisters dog at night and how he was reluctant to walk too far (Dog instinct).

However there was one thing that stuck out about all of this. One glaring fact that would close the door on the person who broke in for an ipod made in 2006 and I will forever label this person a complete and total loser: They broke the window that the baby seat was on ultimately causing the baby seat to be filled with glass. Come on. What kind of human breaks glass over a baby seat? Someone desperate? Sure. But you have to be some kind of loser to do this. How do you even justify this?

Okay so you broke into a car… I get it, you’re in need and blah blah, BUT then you broke into a car over a baby seat!? Huh!? Breaking a window over a baby seat says a lot about someone, seriously. I don’t think I would trust this person to bring me tightly sealed bottled water.

A message to all of you people who could not only break into a car but break into a car over a baby seat – You’re a loser.  I would love to hear someone try to justify this. For sympathy votes I put a picture of my nephew below. Someone shattered glass on this poor little guys car seat.

The Little Hand

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRCbVehdHtQ&list=UUs1o_kAxoMj1xcRyBp-rIYg&index=1&feature=plcp]  

In case you’re missing it, Peter Bragiel, Dan Bragiel, and Paul Bragiel canoed down the Mississippi… This of course… Is InTransit. If you haven’t checked it out – check it out. Also, check out - Intransit.tv as well as www.youtube.com/pdrop

Mid Game Lakers VS Clippers Thoughts

Pre Season Game 2 in progress: -This preseason game look like it’s a regular season game post all star break.

-Ron Artest – You need to stop playing basketball. I haven’t quite grasped the amnesty clause yet but I think the Lakers need to ditch Artest yesterday. I’m avoiding calling him Metta World Peace right now.

Seriously, this guy is only good at making 33.3% of his layups, 9% of his shots, and he’s not stopping anyone. I’m sorry to say it… but … Ron Ron – your time is done, you don’t look like a good basketball player.

-The Clippers remind me of a better version of Oklahoma City. They have a ton of young talent that’s eager to prove themselves but more importantly they have Mo Williams and Chauncey to be vets of the team.

-The Lakers are in trouble. They look like they’re in a complete scramble mode hoping and praying someone steps up. Watching the Lakers I’m reminded why they were swept last season in the playoffs. This kills me to say this but they’re starting to take on the identity of the spurs over the last few years. My buddy Corey first mentioned this last year but I didn’t want to believe him… he was right.

The worst part about the Lakers is that they don’t have a young Kobe right now, they have a 1-2 years left Kobe. If anyone thinks he’s dropping 81 points this year they may be delusional.

MID GAME SWITCH

-Turned on the X Factor and its celebrity guest singer night. Avril Lavigne just sang and then R Kelly. Not sure how I feel, I can’t stop thinking that Nicole Scherzinger is crazy and the new Paula.

BACK TO THE GAME

-Ron Artest tried to shoot it but Andrew Bynum intercepted it in the air and he dunked it. Artest acted like it was a pass… it wasn’t.

-I’m trying to wrap my head around something. I’m trying to figure out when the Lakers had so many white guys on their team, and also so many potentially playing together at one time.

Check out this line up: Steve Blake at the point – Jason Kapono at shooting guard – Troy Murphy at forward – Josh McRoberts as the other forward – and Pau Gasol at center. This thought just blew my mind.

-I think only Utah could rival this lineup.

-Kobe Bryant’s injury scares me.

-Chauncey Billups won’t miss when open.

-LOB CITY. McRoberts just dunked. Andrew Bynum was having a good game but I was just reminded he’s good for only 1 half of basketball.

I’m scared that the Lakers.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes - I will defend you forever.

Me talking to my girlfriend on August 5^th:

Me: Hey, you know what I really want to see?

Her: What?

Me: Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes.

Her: Let’s do it.

Me: Those Apes look like they want to fuck something up.

August 6^th:

We walk into the Arclight Cinema located here in Hollywood and about 2 hours later I was trying to figure out what just happened. How did I just get blindsided by complete awesomeness and not even know it. Was it the amazing arclight popcorn? Maybe. Odds are it was a combination of things; 1) great environment 2) the popcorn 3) the movie itself.

I remember when I saw Jurassic Park and gazing at the Brontosaurus for the first time, you know the moment when Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler hop out of the jeep mouths agape? Well, that’s basically how a bunch of the kids in the theater were when watching Apes, myself included. I’m not saying this is in the same ballpark as Jurassic Park, I’m just saying it had some moments that conjured up complete excitement.

I honestly think that Rise Of The Planet of the Apes is a movie that 13 year olds will remember and hopefully defend one day. When I say defend a movie I mean that when you hear a friend 10 years from now say “That movie was okay” it’s mandatory that you jump in and say “No dickhead, that movie is better than okay, and I’m here to defend the apes.”

There is a major component how this became an instant defendable movie, and it’s because it’s a movie that caught me (and others) off guard. I wanted to see the movie but I didn’t know how good it was. The one thing that can kill or make and movie great is expectations, you know when your friend see’s a film and talks it up like it’s the second coming then you see it and it isn’t as good because of expectations? Yeah, well I was the friend talking it up.

The expectation variable is so overlooked so many times when discussing film and engaging in arguments. The same argument could be used about professional athletes but I’m sticking to films for the moment. I got to thinking about movies that I hold in the:

Little to no expectations and I’ll defend to the death category:

The Sixth Sense: If you’re one of those people who say, “I knew the ending” I call you a liar and I would pay big money to hop into a DeLorean and watch it with you for the first time. When I saw this I was on a vacation in Denver and the family decided to see a movie. I didn’t choose this, everyone else did, but when I walked out I officially saw dead people and this moment sparked a never ending defending to M. Knight Shymalangagagagagagan.

American Pie: I was just about to start high school when this movie came out and it couldn’t have been much more entertaining than it was, 50 years later I’ll probably see the 4^th installment which comes out some time soon. By the way American Pie was made for $11 million and made over $100 million (Domestic only).

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective: Undeniable classic. I don’t think a single human besides Jim Carrey and Dan Marino thought this movie was going to be good. It was better than good… I still quote it.

The Truman Show: Since we’re talking Jim Carrey I should bring this up. This was Carrey’s push into seriousness and he brought it. This movie is so relevant right now; I could actually see this happening in today’s entertainment environment.

The Other Guys: It’s hard to say there is a below the radar Will Ferrell / Mark Wahlberg movie but this was it. I saw this movie in a not so crowded theater and I may have been the loudest person laughing.

The Bourne Identity: This may seem ludicrous to think that Bourne had low expectations but I vividly remember nobody thought Good Will Hunting Damon was going to be James Bond 2.0 – but he was. Aside from Hunting this was the biggest game changer for Damon.

Taken: Since we’re talking Bourne, Taken would be how Jason Bourne is in 20 years with a family. Taken is the ultimate word of mouth movie, and here’s how you know:

Opening weekend: $24 Million

2^nd Weekend: $20 Million  (-16.7% change in gross)

3^rd Weekend: $18 Million  (-7.6% change in gross from 2^nd weekend)

4^th Weekend: $21 Million (+6.2% change from gross in 3^rd weekend)

This is insane. For a movie to decrease by that small of a percentage each week is considered an accomplishment beyond accomplishments. THEN for it to increase in it’s 4^th week is even more nuts - Not to mention it’s lone star power was Liam Neeson who isn’t exactly Will Smith.

Starship Troopers: At this point in life this movie is fucking terrible and maybe even laughable… But I’ll still defend Johnny Rico and him killing bugs.

Let Me In: Matt Reeves’ follow up to Cloverfield. If you haven’t seen this movie be prepared to be incredibly on edge.

I’ll stop there and remind you that Apes came out on DVD yesterday. If you haven’t seen it – see it. If you have seen it and want to talk poorly about it come find me so I can defend it like Cesar defending his Apes. Hail Cesar.

Chris Paul: The Ex Girlfriend

As a Lakers fan I went through a wave of emotions yesterday. In the morning I was talking to my buddy and we were discussing Dwight Howard and Chris Paul, I was saying how I’d love it if the Lakers got Superfreak Dwight Howard and then we joked for about 3 minutes about how amazing the Lakers would be with both Paul and Howard. About 3 hours later I got this call:

Me: Hello

Him: Did you hear!?

Me: Huh?

Him: Paul for Odom AND Gasol!

(silence)

Me: Dude?

Him: Paul FOR Odom and Gasol!

Me: Don’t fuck with me man, I’m walking down 4^th street and can’t take this right now.

Him: Seriously it’s all over the radio!

I ran and checked the Internet but it wasn’t there, apparently 710 ESPN in LA is faster than the Internet. As I scoured various sport outlets to read more I started to think about the trade. I thought about how much I loved Gasol and was even starting to come around to Odom. I started to think of Andrew Bynum’s peanut butter knees and how we’ll have to rely on him, I thought about how this would affect Derrick Fisher, but then I went back to how much I really loved Gasol.

Quick side story on Gasol: I was at a game and as Gasol was walking back to the court after halftime, some crazy fan jumped about 2 feet over the railing right in front of Gasol. As security was running to apprehend the guy, the guy quickly pulled out a marker. Gasol stopped the security guards and slyly grabbed the marker and signed the guy’s jersey. Security ushered him back to his seat. If I wasn’t sold on Gasol, I was then.

You know what else is really weird about Gasol and Odom – my girlfriend knows who they are. Aside from Kobe, I think they’re the only players she actively cares about. In a different time I could picture Gasol as the Dos Equis most interesting man alive, not sure why but he appeals to women… he just does. She knows Odom because he’s a Kardashian – we’ll leave it at that.

Finally the Paul story popped up and it was true, the three-team deal was taking place and I needed to come to terms with two 7 feet players leaving. I had to say goodbye to two key components to rebuilding the Lakers after Shaq departed.

After I was sort of coming to terms with this whole trade and starting to envision Paul tossing an alley-oop to Kobe and Kobe then has to do an acrobatic lay up because his legs are not 23 years old anymore I was officially coming around. I know how great Chris Paul is, that’s not up for question, it’s just the size we’ve lost and the instability of Bynum that’s keeping me worried. And then I get a message….

“The trade was vetoed”

What the fuck? I come to learn Dan “I can’t keep LeBron James so I throw tempter tantrums” Gilbert shot out some email and this is viewed as an unfair trade. The Lakers aren’t getting Chris Paul... And then a moment that happens to every human at some point in their life took place:

The Lakers not getting Chris Paul made me want him even more. I somehow forgot about Gasol’s kindness and Odom’s Kardashian-ness. All I could think about is Chris Paul doing his best Magic Johnson impression to the Lakers last season in the playoffs. I started to envision his healthy knees tossing a half court pass to Kobe and Kobe some how is flying when he catches it, then he dunks on someone.

Chris Paul has become something I want even more because we can’t have him. He’s like the ex girlfriend you didn’t like but she pulled the trigger to break it off with you and suddenly the girlfriend looks about 9 times better. I’m still in this phase. I’m trying to remind myself that when these things don’t happen it’s usually for the better, somehow it always works out.

I have this gut feeling that we’ll get Paul… somehow… someway. In my perfect world we’d get him in free agency next year and the entire Lakers roster reorders their contracts just to sign Paul, just so the Lakers can give the emphatic fuck you to everyone.

Final thoughts:

Even though I know Dan Gilbert isn’t the only man behind this I’ve never been Team LeBron more than I am right now.

It’s too bad we couldn’t get Dwight Howard - that may solve everything.

My friend just text me and said I had a man crush on Chris Paul.

The Three Stooges Trailer

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yCdZje_sTF0] 1) What the hell?

2) What happened to the Farrelly Brothers? It may be time for them to jump into sequel world with Dumb and Dumber part 2.

3) If you put Snookie in your film then you’ve got to rethink everything about your film making capabilities.

4) I feel bad for the original 3 stooges that this is what kids will think of them.

5) Yo, 2011 studioheads! It isn’t 1930 anymore.

6) Why is Larry David in this?

The First 8 Most Quotable 1 Liners...

Zack Morris: Time Out! When he pulled this you know something crazy was happening. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO2SirSH7Rg]

Urkel: Did I do that? Come on…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClnSMCdw6E8]

Steph Tanner: How Rude! Yeah that’s right, I called her Steph.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcyOoPDlSuU]

Michell Tanner: You got it Dude! More Full House Antics, this show was actually full of them.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ff6ghp7iTA]

Tim The Toolman Taylor: Man Grunt! Not sure if this is a one liner… it isn’t, but it still has staying power.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V9YZ7C88iU]

Joey Lawrence: Woah! Not to be confused with the Keanu - woooah.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5dCopAZaq8]

Joey: How You Doin’: Probably the main 1-liner quirk from the Friends cast.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc2Z7CL4Cv0&feature=player_embedded]

Gary Coleman: Whatcha Talkin’ Bout Willis? Honestly this is here just because this list wouldn’t be complete.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw9oX-kZ_9k]

What I Learned From The Weekend

The Packers: For the first time all season I started to justify why it was okay if the Packers didn’t go undefeated, then Mason Crosby hit a field goal and I it was as though the thought had never been there. Truthfully, I was a bit upset it was even planted in my head.  

I’m not hiding the fact that I want the Green Bay Packers to go 16-0 in the regular season and win the Super Bowl, I’m greedy and I know it, but it’s what I want. If you’re a Packers fan then you’re thinking it too, if you’re a Packers player you’re thinking it, whether or not you’re admitting it is another story.

I don’t know exactly what I should take away from the Packers VS Giants this weekend. On one hand I was happy about their resilience and the fact they won in the final seconds. On the other hand I was worried once again because they seem somewhat exploited by Old man Coughlin and Eli Manning. But come to think about it… doesn’t someone always exploit them, but they manage to win?

Biggest fear is the injuries; I don’t like seeing Charles Woodson get injured at any time. So let me say this to any and all Packers people – Don’t think about injuries, go 16-0!

Tebow: How can a human not be Team Tebow? What other team is there to be on? I’m rooting for Tebow as though he’s Rocky Balboa, and you know what the weird thing is, he’s the underdog.

Think about it – he’s wasn’t exactly handed keys to the kingdom. He took advantage of a situation. Sure, he passes the ball like a blindfolded 8th grader but he’s winning games. Yesterday when the Broncos were down by 1 going into the 4th quarter I text my friend and asked if he had any doubt if Tebow would not win the game – he said no. Next week the Packers play The Raiders, who’s tied with the Broncos for first. So lets be clear – The Bronco’s will be in first after next week.

Tom Coughlin Looks So Worried: Whenever I see someone whose totally disgruntled and looks completely disoriented I always think they have The Coughlin Look.

Detroit = Not For Real: You can only go so long in the NFL being something that you’re not and the Lions have met the end of their road. I haven’t believed in this team from the beginning and now they’re starting to unravel.

I’m not exactly a Lions hater either, I actually was rooting for them and happy to see them start out so strong. But I never thought they’d continue on with a full head of steam and the luck of a Goonie. When I see the Lions I see:

A quarterback that looks like he’s going to pop champagne if he doesn’t get injured this season.

A wide receiver that is a monster and wants the ball more.

A angry coach.

A weak defense that thinks they’re the “bad boys” of football when actually they’re trying harder than the Ravens to be the Ravens of 2001.

More angry people who look insecure – including their coach.

A tight-end that spent a week on my fantasy football squad and is underachieving.

More Favre Rumors: What would an NFL season be without Brett Favre penis pictures - I mean stories? Rumors are swirling that Favre may be interested in helping the depleted Bears – I don’t buy it, but I like hearing about it.

Moving on to things not NFL…

I Really Want Dwight Howard in LA: Rumors started to swirl that Howard and Chris Paul may be traded, ahem, will be traded… when is the question.

Truthfully I’d be a bit upset to see any of the current Lakers go but they’re old and Dwight Howard is a superhuman… if he’s even human. To the rich go the spoils – bring on Dwight Howard and start the script for Kazaam 2.

Breaking Dawn is #1 for a 3rd Week In a Row: What a shitty weekend for movies. The box office isn’t exactly surging so Bella, Edward, and Dr. Muscles are in the top spot at the box office yet again.

There is no hiding how much this movie made me want to do anything else in the entire world when I was watching it, so to see this at #1 says one of a few things:

There are shitty movies out.

I am too old to get Twilight.

I’m losing my mind and this movie is good (NO!)

I am probably too old for Twilight.

People Are Still Freaking Out About YouTube: Not sure how intertwined you may be with the YouTube community but they recently did an overhaul of their site and everyone seems to be talking about it too much (like right now).

Long story short it’s easier to unsubscribe to channels at any given point. Lots of people (myself included) have subscribers because they subscribed to someone else and when they subscribed to them – I would get one too. Make sense? Well now when a person says “you know what, I want to flush out channels I don’t watch” they will… and they are.

YouTubers are up in arms about it, but it kind of makes sense. The beauty of technology and creativity is there is a sense of transparency and also the viewer has the control…. That’s the point, right?

The Walking Dead Is Overrated: I tried to get into it this weekend. Here’s how my Season 1 viewing went:

Episode 1 – Pretty cool.

Episode 2 – Ehhh.

Episode 3 – I’m done.

I kind of found it cheesy, not the concept (which has been done 100 times) but other aspects. Also, why the shit didn’t they say how long he was in the coma!? That’s the first fucking question I’d ask and the second would be “How’d this happen!?” Please don’t hold this from me, why won’t you tell me!?

Super 8 is Underrated: It’s late and my lady is out of town, so what do I do? Watch Super 8 of course – and it’s a really cool movie.

My friends would argue with me on this point but I stand by it – Super 8 is badass. So what it’s sort of a Spielberg “rip off” and JJ Abrams uses too many camera flares – it’s fun, entertaining, and adventurous. Watch it again.

Netflix Streaming Needs More Movies: It’s amazing that when you want to watch something specific and it’s not streaming on Netflix you can turn on Netflix. When I couldn’t watch Oceans 11 I was back to bashing it like it was releasing Quikster.

A Thousand Words?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6AxRCP3e4s] You’ve got to be kidding me. Yo, Eddie Murphy! What happened!?

A quick run down of Murphy’s last 10 movies that aren’t named Shrek.

- Tower Heist - Imagine That - Norbit - Dreamgirls - The Haunted Mansion - Daddy Day Care - I Spy - The Adventures of Pluto Nash

Ahhh, fuck it - I’m stopping at Nash, we’ve seen enough. And now this…

I really want Murphy to be in a great movie again, we know he can do it, right?

NFL Players: What Are You Talking About?

It’s time I come to terms and try to open a discussion about the culture that is NFL lingo. I don’t know if I should be ashamed with what I’m about to say or if others have been concealing this too. I know I can’t be in this boat by myself but as an NFL fan I’ve been lying to myself.

David Fleming from ESPN the Magazine had a conversation with Aaron Rodgers for their “Interview Issue.”

Side Note: Out on Stand Dec 12^th, and also a great read.

The conversation is essentially a breakdown and the progress of Aaron Rodgers. Being a massive Packers fan I took a little more interest in what he had to say, then I read something…

Coming off of a question about James Jones and a Touchdown. Flemings question is in BOLD.

Is part of that getting to a place where complicated reads, such as the TD to Jones, just become second nature?

"It's quicker reactions and being more decisive with my checks. When you really start figuring things out as a quarterback, you realize you don't have to be perfect every time, but you do have to be quick and decisive. On that play, we had James on the left and Greg Jennings on the right. The pass check was for James to run a man-beater route -- a route with a double move that works well against single coverage. We were hoping the Chargers would go to a one-high safety look. Instead, they played more quarters, where each DB plays a quarter of the field, and they used high-low coverage on Greg. My quick reaction was that we still have man coverage on the other side with James, who is running a man-beater route. It wasn't perfect, but we still had good options to work with."

When I finished reading A Rodg’s response I thought - “Oh, So Rodgers makes quicker decisions and he passed to Jones because Jennings was initially covered.” But that’s the problem right there! That’s only sort of what Rodgers said, as a matter of fact he said a few things that I have no fucking clue what they mean:

“We were hoping the Chargers would go to a one-high safety look.”

“…The pass check was for James to run a man-beater route -- a route with a double move…"

”Instead, they played more quarters, where each DB plays a quarter of the field…”

“…and they used high-low coverage on Greg.”

In one answer I’m partially confused, not totally but partially, and the thing is – this isn’t some fluke answer, this is how regular repartee is in the NFL. Come on. As a fan when I talk to my buddy I don’t say “Wow, did you see the secondary in that nickel defense? I can’t believe the corners dropped back.”

I say “Dude, Jones just caught a good fucking pass from Rodgers! Touchdown!”

I can appreciate the coaches/players analysis and it’s not as though I want it to be stopped, I just want a better explanation. There’s no way these guys can think we all know what they’re talking about. Come to think of it, Ron Jaworski from Monday Night Football has great breakdowns and explains regarding what he’s talking about. But he’s one of the few.

Can I be alone on this? No way, I just can’t. I want a simplistic analysis from these guys; they have to know it’s what we want (or I want). I’m kind of getting tired of sitting in a room with my football friends and hearing some rubix cube of an explanation of what just happened and then nobody acknowledges it.

Am I alone on this? Is it just part of the football culture? Did I just out myself as a moronic football fan?

A link to the article: http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/7295185/nfl-green-bay-aaron-rodgers-greatest-season-qb-ever-had

In Game Monday Night Football Blog... (Saints VS Giants)

3^rd quarter 1:11 seconds – Did anyone notice the guy painting a picture of Drew Brees … on the field? I can’t take any more emotional stories from The Saints - it’s impossible not to love them.

I don’t know why I haven’t turned off this game to watch last Sunday’s Boardwalk Empire.

End of the 3^rd Quarter: Anyone just see that dude with the big whistle as a hat… who was whistling. Next to him was a Saints fan wearing a Portland Trailblazers hat. Speaking of the Trailblazers… so happy the NBA is returning for a cameo this year.

Barry Sanders is on a commercial right now – part of me still thinks he could rush for 1,000 yards.

Start of the 4^th quarter… Woah, 72 yard Giants TD… comeback!?

The only thing that could stop the Packers and their pursuit for undefeated glory is if they rest their players a la Colts 09.

If you live in LA then you’ve seen this stupid Ford Jamal Anderson commercial. What the fuck is this?

I can’t believe Dennis Miller was once a commentator on Monday Night Football, what the hell were they thinking?

Just saw Sproles speed down the field – how quickly have The Saints forgotten about Reggie Bush?

Is there any part of the San Diego Chargers that miss Drew Brees?

Does Darren Sharper still play for The Saints? Was he better with the Saints or The Packers? I’m going to say the Pack… Bias opinion of course.

There is something badass about Sean Payton standing injured on the sideline calling plays.

WOW. Jimmy Graham just got bent backwards. Holy shit.

Gonna wrap this up, The Saints are showing no signs of slowing down. Current score is 35-17 with 11:02 in the 4^th. Final score prediction: 49-27 (If the Giants are lucky).

To my buddy Ottford who is praying Eli Manning doesn’t throw to Nicks anymore for fantasy football purposes - I feel like you’ll win this, don’t worry (You have the power of Tebow).

Whoops – just going to post this and The Saints scored again in the last 10 seconds. New score prediction: 95-27.

Men In Black 3 and The Headache Poster

Big fan on Men in Black, not so much Men in Black 2. When I heard part 3 was coming out I was actually kind of excited, probably because I blanked out part 2. However, since the announcement of part 2 there have been many reported problems, specifically rewrites and trying to make Tommy Lee Jones look human. Some time this past week the poster for part 3 came out (below) and I have to admit after I woke up from the seizure it gave me I thought it looked pretty cool.

San Francisco: The Overrated City

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-meQsRQAKU]

Twilight: Breaking Dawn - I Want My Two Hours Back.

Two things just happened. 1- my girlfriend just asked me if I’d like some wine and 2 – my friend just text me that he’s watching The Godfather 2. The text he sent me reminded me that movies are good, and some movies are fucking awesome -The Godfather part 2. Thank God he reminded me because I just walked out of the new Twilight movie, and for the first time in a while felt embarrassed. Embarrassed for the actors, the director, the author, the man responsible for CGI, myself, myself for not walking out, and the movie as a whole.

I need my glass of wine.

To be clear we need to state a few facts: This was part 4 of the Twilight “saga”, it’s currently raking in money like Wall Street, kids under the age of 18 love it, and it’s got a following that doesn’t indicate any reason for slowing down.

I’m trying to wrap my head around the absurdity of this movie and think I’m coming close to getting a handle on how terrible it is. I need to be clear that I didn’t see this movie out of boyfriend obligation; I saw this movie because I had an (hidden) interest.

I’ve seen the past 3 movies – my girlfriend and I did a marathon about 6 months ago and watched all 3 at home. Cheesy? Yes. But I could see the interest and truthfully engaged in the age-old debate of Team Edward VS Team Jacob.

Side Note: If at this point you don’t know what I’m talking about stop reading and save yourself. The references only get worse.

As I was saying… I was team Edward, yeah that’s right. I was Team Mr. Passionate and thought that Jacob “Teen Wolf” Lautner was kind of a loser. I never felt like the movies did a good job with his character (still don’t) but I do think the marketing was brilliant with the Ed VS Jake angle.

Why is this particular marketing important? The reality is, is that’s all the movie had to hang its hat on, I think they knew they were exploited at the utter shittiness of what was happening and the acting so they created this great heart throb VS heart throb thing when it actually should have been Team “Bella is a raging bitch”. For the record I’ve since changed to Team Jacob.

After seeing this movie I had to question what it was about the other films that made me keep watching. If the previous movies were as bad as this I would have never stepped foot in the theater.

Was it the director? Maybe, but probably not – Bill Condon was new to the franchise but they haven’t had the same director on any of the past films… which, actually says a lot. For the record I do find it odd that Condon is known for Chicago, Kinsey, and Dreamgirls. Seriously? That’s the director you wanted for this movie? Was it the writer? No, Melissa Rosenberg has written all of the films. The Actors? No, all the same.

Then it hit me! The only logical answer was that I watched all 3 Twilights in my own home while drinking wine and pausing as I pleased. That had to be it. The small screen doesn’t exploit bad movies like the big screen does. Also, lets not forget I was drinking, which always helps lighten the mood.

If you’ve seen this movie then you know what I’m talking about and agree with me. If you’ve seen it and don’t agree with me then you’re either attached to the movie or are under the age of 16. If you haven’t seen this movie … consider yourself lucky. However, IF you’re debating on seeing it then it means you’ve seen the other 3… or dating someone… either way you’re going into the movie and I apologize in advance.

If what you just read above hasn’t convinced you, you need not worry. Because I present to you the Why Twilight Part 4 was Horrible List:

***Of course there are Spoilers***

The Acting: I never like to get too negative about anyone who is doing what they want to do, but that’s not going to stop me right now. Prime Target numero uno – Taylor Lautner.

Dude, congratulations for having a He-Man body at age 19 but I want you to watch this movie and honestly say you did a good job… you can’t.

I feel like Lautner picked up the script, circled his scenes, didn’t finish reading the script itself, then came in and did his scenes without caring about what’s happening and why it’s happening. One of the lead characters should never be this bad… he just shouldn’t. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart made me depressed by their half assed attempt to love each other and have a baby. And the supporting cast was ehhhh… okay.

CGI: The Budget was $110 MILLION – why does this movie look so CGI-ish?

The Wolves Talking To Each Other Scene: If you’ve ever watch Mighty Morphin Power Rangers then you’d remember a character named Zordon. He was this big head that had a large echoy deep voice. When he talked to the MMPR it made sense – he was Zordon.

Apparently the producers of Twilight may have watched MMPR because when the wolves were arguing with each other - that’s how they sounded, like a stupid Zordon. It was almost uncomfortable to watch these Wolves have such terrible voices.

Bella: I’ve had it. This chick mopes around like everything in her world is crumbling every moment of every day when in reality she may have the easiest life of any on screen 18 year old.

The Melodramatic Music: Did any one else notice how often this movie sounded like a bad soap opera?

Breaking this into 2 parts: This was “Part 1” of this particular movie. Why? This was a talkfest that could have been summed up in 25 minutes. Nothing happened in this movie. I could sum it up in 10 seconds… seriously… no really I could… Fuck it, here it is:

Bella marries Edward – Bella unexpectedly becomes preggers with Edwards Vampire child – Jacob leaves his pack and ultimately sides with the Cullens – When giving birth, Bella dies but Edward gives her his venom which, ultimately brings her back to life but now she’s a vampire – Jacob is now protecting their child with his Wolf imprint.

How long was that? 10-12 seconds?

I need to cool off and try to salvage this movie in some way shape or form – it won’t be easy. I know I’m going to come to a crossroad in my life when the next movie comes out and I have to debate seeing it in the theater or not.

Dammit! I’ve invested so much in these movies – no turning back. I know I’ll end up seeing the next one just so I know how it ends… I’ll bring the wine.

Bryan Cranston: Best TV Actor Ever?

I’m currently in the process of feeding my Breaking Bad addiction that started about 2 months ago (I’m currently 5 episodes through Season 4). While watching there are about 3 constants that pop in my head. 1 – This show is almost as addicting as LOST. 2 – I never want to do Meth. 3 – Bryan Cranston is amazing.

Cranston is part of one of the single greatest show of all time – Seinfeld: Dr. Tim Whatley, DDS – 5 episodes – 5 great episodes.

Episode 1: The Mom and Pop Store: The episode where George thinks he has Jon Voight’s car and Jerry doesn’t get an invite from Whatley to attend his Thanksgiving party.

Episode 2: The Label Maker: Jerry gives Whatley Jets Super Bowl Tickets. Whatley gives Jerry a Label Maker in return, which happened to be the same label maker Elaine gave Whatley… The birth of “The Re-Gifter”.

Episode 3: The Jimmy: Jerry suspects Whatley is giving out too much Novocain at his dental office and engaging is sexual acts with his patients.

Episode 4: The Yada Yada Yada: The infamous Anti-Dentite episode. Jerry suspects Whatley converted to Judaism for the Jewish jokes.

Episode 5: The Strike: George, Elaine, and Jerry find out at Whatley’s Hanukkah party that a donation has been made in their name to the “Children’s Alliance” – they suspect this was made up by Whatley in order to not give a gift.

The thing about the 5 episodes is that they spanned over the entirety of Seinfeld. His first appearance was on the 94^th episode and his last was on the 166^th – the show ran for 180. Whatley was memorable, people wanted more of him, and aside from David Puddy I’d argue he was the best returning character the show had.

Post 5 awesome episodes Cranston played Hal in Malcolm in the Middle for 151 episodes. He was nominated for 3 Emmy’s while playing the father to Malcolm and the kids.

Side note: How awesome would Cranston be on “Modern Family” as Phil Dunphy?

For the record, 151 episodes of any TV is kind of a massive accomplishment. It’s the kind of thing that either never happens for actors/actresses or it happens once in a career. It’s also the kind of thing that while it’s happening you end up pigeonholing each actor in their role. Think about any memorable character you’ve ever seen for 5+ years on TV and what they end up doing afterwards. You associate people at what they’re good at, and Cranston is clearly good with comedy.

It’s a double edged sword for actors simply because once you are great as a character that’s what gets you work – so the obvious choice for Cranston is to do comedy over and over again because it’s what will keep him employed. Apparently Cranston had other ideas… Enter Walter White.

Walter White, the Chemistry teacher diagnosed with lung cancer turned Meth producer and occasional dealer. White is the lead badass on Breaking Bad, which is a far cry from Cranston’s comedy we’ve come to know him in. Which means – Cranston did what so many have failed at, he successfully transitioned from show to show, Comedy to Drama, and has sustained as a TV actor. But not only has he sustained; he’s been fucking awesome at it, and at times the best at it.

Cranston has won multiple awards playing Walter White, specifically 3 consecutive Emmy’s. The thing about Cranston is that he’s just a great actor. He’s so incredibly memorable that you have to ask: Is Bryan Cranston the best TV actor ever?

Seriously.

Who else has done such a 180 in public perception than Bryan Cranston? An argument could be made that while he was doing comedy he was part of an ensemble, more so than he is now, but he still stood out more than anyone else. When Cranston is on screen he brings it, who else has done a Cranston? And no, I’m not talking about transitioning from TV to movies - I’m talking about TV to TV.

I seriously can’t think of anyone. One name comes to mind and it’s Ted Danson – Why is Ted Danson in my head?

This is a legit argument. Is he just that good? I think so. Lets not forget he’s sneaking into movies every once in a while (Drive, Contagion, Lincoln Lawyer, Red Tails, the new Total Recall, and Affleck’s upcoming film Argo). Could Cranston go Clooney and turn into a movie star? Honestly… maybe. Why not?

I’ll stand by the fact that anyone who goes from Dr. Tim Whatley to Walter White has to be considered one of the best TV actors of all time.  Nobody has jumped from comedy to drama as memorably as Cranston.

If you don’t watch Breaking Bad… do it.

Filling The NBA Void.

 

Anger and confusion have taken over – I really wanted the NBA season. What happened? It just felt that since the NFL figured out their issues the NBA would too. I was wrong. We’re coming off one of the most exciting seasons in a long long time, specifically because “I’m taking my talents to south beach” was said and then followed up by their party that was similar to a WWE entrance.

I know we’re still somewhere in the woods of having an NBA season – there’s still a chance. But, it’s not the same and the damage has been done. Even if they somehow salvage something and manage to have a 50 game season I will forever remember it as a “Who gives a shit season”. There’s going to be a glaring asterisk next to the NBA champion / MVP / and basically everything else associated with this time. The only thing this season is good for now is 1 – highlights and 2 – a loooong pre-season before next year.

DAMMIT! I really wanted to see The Lakers, Kobe yelling at his teammates, Derrick Rose, Blake Griffin, Big 3, Big 3 fight, Big 3 make up, Trade talks, Shaq on TNT, the All Star Game, and did I say Kobe yelling at his teammates?

After I read that the players rejected the offer and will disband I immediately thought of ways to fill the inevitable sports void - In no particular order:

Watch the Green Bay Packers shack up with the 72 Dolphins after they win the Super Bowl: This option is the most helpful. After the Pack won the Super Bowl last year it really made me not worry about much – there was always a bright side to my sports life.

The Kardashians: Yeah, that’s right – I said it. Not only is it good TV but it’s also a chance to check up on Lamar Odom and the impending Kris Humphries story line. Some NBA action, right?

YouTube: Lots of old NBA highlights.

The Sing-Off: Commercials for the next season have already hit the TV. They’re promoting it to start after The Superbowl. I can already imagine the follow up to “Move like Jagger” but this time it’s remixed by Cee-Lo.

The X-Factor: This season isn’t even over yet and I want another season.

Hockey: Can I get into this? Eh, probably not.

UFC: It’s a good reason to act like I know fighting styles and drink beer. I may watch this – Only if Brock “the 14 year old trapped in a Manimals body” Lesner fights someone.

Baseball: Baseball is that one sport that finishes and seemingly starts up the next week. The Milwaukee Brewers made me like baseball again for the first time since the 90’s – I may actually give this a shot (when the playoffs start).

AMC television: Catch up on Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, Mad Med - AMC has slowly become the channel that is in the same sneeze as HBO.

Or, of course, there’s always the option to turn off the TV and start reading and doing things more productive… which I secretly hope happens and then everyone forgets the NBA. Truthfully, my stubbornness is taking over and I want to teach the NBA a lesson. I don’t like being at the mercy of any organization and the simple fact I thought of things to do instead of watching the NBA upsets me – I just like the NBA that much.

I’m pissed because of what they did to their fans, how they handled this, and all of their employees that will be without jobs. I honestly hope we as fans force the NBA to scramble and make them earn our attention.

NBA – see you in 2013. Idiots.